Chapter Twenty Five -End of Day Two-
Can I continue feeling this way?
His voice was low and strained. “Why did you kiss Lay?”
I froze. How the hell did he know that happened? Everyone in the room had left when Lay and I began to talk. My mouth hung open, unable to find the words to answer.
“I walked in on you two, in case you were wondering.” He said as-a-matter-of-factly.
Not knowing what to say, I just decided to tell him the truth.
“That day, when I yelled at you and XiuMin, I was angry with myself almost immediately. One for yelling at you, and two for messing up things between us even further.” I looked down and took a deep breath. “After you all left, Lay stayed to ask me why I had that outburst. I told him that I had seen him comforting you after the Disneyland trip, and when I saw him feed you,” I looked to Tao, “I felt like you had slipped even further away from me.” I analyzed his reaction as I said the last part, but there was no difference in his expression. With that, I went on.
“And then… I asked him if XiuMin liked you. He couldn’t answer and I knew it was a yes. He saw how pained I’d become after thinking of someone taking you away and he wanted to make me feel better. To lend me his strength, show his empathy, and show his understanding.” I watched Tao and waited.
“Liar.” He growled.
“What?” I retorted, shocked.
“You’re lying.” He emphasized the last word as if his life depended on it.
“What are you talking about? Why would I lie? Everything that has come out of my mouth has been the truth.” I took a step forward, now only four feet in front of the maknae.
“Oh, what, you guys couldn’t just hug? It’s obvious you like each other!! Why else would you have kissed?!” He rose his already strained voice.
“Tao,” I sighed, “There are different types of kisses. Some are filled with love and others are filled with understanding. His was nothing but the latter.”
“I don’t believe you.” His voice cracked as he said this.
My jaw dropped. “I like you, and no one else.”
He shook his head furiously, moisture forming in the corner of his eyes. Seeing that, I walked towards him to comfort him. Noticing this, he stepped backwards with every step I took forward.
“No you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
“You don’t.”
“I do.”
“No.” He took his last step backwards before hitting the wall behind him.
“Yes.” I placed my feet in front of him, getting a bit irritated at his lack of trust in me.
I brought my hand up to attempt to wipe a tear that had secretly fallen. Before I got the chance, Tao raised his hand to slap mine away. Before he got the chance, I saw it and pinned it to the wall.
“Goddamnit Tao!” I slammed my free hand into the wall next to his head. He flinched, which made the drops in his eyes finally fall into oblivion. When he opened his eyes again, he lifted his other hand to try and push me away. I effortlessly pinned it to the wall next to his other above his head. I used a firm but gentle grip so as to not hurt him but make sure he would listen to me without fidgeting.
“Who was there when you hurt your waist?!” I yelled.
“…”
“Who was there when your parents died?!”
“…”
“When you kept on hurting yourself?!”
“…”
“When you needed that strength, who gave it to you?!!!!”
I stopped, knowing I’ve said enough. My eyes slowly and carefully watched the boy under me. A now neverending stream fell from those orbs of his, drenching my heart. I began to release my grip, but he started to slide down. Seeing this, I immediately wrapped my arms around him to keep him from falling. His head fell on my shoulder and I didn’t hesitate to bring my hand to the back of his head to hold it there.
A silent moment passed. One arm of mine around his waist, supporting his stance. The other holding his head. I closed my eyes and lightly played with his hair, trying to relax him. While doing that, I felt something slip around my neck and tighten. Surprised, I opened my eyes right away to find that Tao had wrapped his arms around me. After another moment, I lifted my hand from his head and wrapped it around the other side of his waist. Without hesitation, I lifted him up and carried him to the bed. He jumped a little at the sudden disruption but held on nevertheless. He didn’t seem to want to let go, so I got on the bed and let him rest on me. The sight truly saddened me; he looked so distraught. I took this chance and wiped away one of his tears. When he didn’t protest, I kept my hand there to brush away any others that fell. Not knowing exactly what to say or any other ways to comfort him, I gently traced his lips with my fingertip.
I wanted to make him feel better, to lend him more of my strength. Anything that would stop him from feeling this way. I traced his lips again, feather light. I brought my lips closer, hesitating an inch above his, afraid of what would happen. But, the simple thought that it may work and relax him meant enough. I closed the gap between our lips, giving him all of the compassion, energy, and love I could. To show him that he was more than just a friend, and that I wanted him to be mine.
Waiting for a few more seconds, I realized he didn’t respond to the kiss. Feeling an ache of rejection shoot through my heart, I began to lift my lips from his.
I soon found that was easier said than done. Something brought me back down to him. I opened my eyes and realized what happened- when I detached from him, he reacted and pulled me in. He kissed back.
He.
Kissed.
Back.
My heart fluttered. I couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. I waited for him to pull back first, and looked into his eyes as he did. There was a certain sparkle in them, and a shy smile played on his lips.
It was then that I knew,
I had him back.
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