Chapter Nineteen
Can I continue feeling this way?
pic credit to http://karaokeninja.tumblr.com Before I go on, I ask that you reread this and understand who exactly saw them kiss. It will play an important piece in later chapters. Thank you~
-Narrator’s p.o.v.-
With his eyes closed, Kris could not see who was standing in front of him.
Staring.
Gaping.
Motionless.
Watching,
as the lips that stole his were now the ones being stolen~
Normal p.o.v. (Kris's)
We retracted from the kiss, small smiles acknowledging what had just happened. So many things were going through my head, but right now was not the time to go through them. Lay and I both got up and went on our ways to get ready. The next month was dedicated to learning and memorizing the choreography/vocals for our version of MAMA. That meant that all of us would have the same schedules as well.
Getting ready, I couldn’t help but think about what happened again. And during the car ride there. And during the first day of lessons. My manager eventually got fed up with my mental absence and told me to go home to rest. The other members gave me looks of worry, some of them knowing why I was out of it, and some not. So, following his orders, I went back home to the empty house and lay down on my bed.
For the next few hours, I just thought:
How had I even begun to fall for him? He is handsome, that’s a fact. But he can be cute too. Those moments he would ask me to go shopping with him, how could I deny him? I guess it started at that party, when he and XiuMin fell asleep in the car afterwards. I had to carry him as quietly as possible, and while trying to hide my all too obvious grin. Then, putting him in his bed, looking him over… I couldn’t help myself. I felt the desire rise up in me as I examined each and every one of his features. Yet, I knew that could not happen. I compromised, kissing his forehead. Then, his parents. I wanted to be there for him, but he wouldn’t let anyone do that. Until I heard that pounding and went after him. He had been at his worst, using self-harm as an outlet that was obviously not working. He was unable to release any of his pain. I stopped him and took him in my embrace, silently telling him that I was there for him. He was finally able to release that pain. Wanting to give him my strength, I connected our lips in a desperate attempt to give him hope. I had wanted to kiss him for so long, wanted to be with him in more ways than just a band member. Lending him my strength, he was able to calm down and fall asleep. The next day he felt completely better, having forgotten everything from the night before except for the kiss. Selective amnesia I suppose, but I can’t complain. Seeing him feel that anguish sunk my heart further than any other thing could have. He came up to me after everyone had begun to get ready, and told me he remembered the kiss. I blinked and his lips were on mine again. We confessed to each other, and truly felt each other’s feelings. And then, Disneyland happened. That stupid ing panda bear head just had to distract him and worry the out of me. My worry came out as unreasonable irritation. Nothing was his fault, but the words that slipped from my mouth cut and blamed him. I apologized to him, but I doubt it made a difference, for he confided in the other once we got home. He was there for him, and I couldn’t be. Because I had been the culprit. My heart ached. It was that same day that we had confessed, and I had already messed things up. Then, Lay gave me some powerful advice: ‘don’t let a simple misunderstanding stop what you two could be’. Lay was such a nice person, but even I didn’t know he had this good of advice in him. That’s why when he kissed me, I wasn’t sure what type of kiss it was meant to be. Until the next morning. It was clear his kiss was filled with more than friendly feelings. His warm touch offered the solace I needed. If I released from his touch, I would no longer feel his comforting emotion. Desiring that, I kissed him back.
So, I like Tao, Tao likes me, XiuMin likes Tao, and Lay likes me.
What the hell am I supposed to do now?
How could I let down Lay when I gave him hope that I may like him? Yet, how could he offer me such advice when he liked me? He is nearly too nice, too nice for his own good. Giving me advice on how to get Tao back probably cracked his heart in half, yet he met me with a smile and truthful eyes and gave me the best guidance on what to do. I shouldn’t’ve kissed him back… but I couldn’t help myself. His warmth wrapped around me, hiding the hole that the problem with Tao created. Tao… Huang ZiTao… Why can’t you just forgive me already? My apology was heartfelt. Oh great, I forgot about the comment I made this morning. That bitter slur that slipped off of my tongue. Tao, forgive me. I don’t know how I fell for you, but I fell hard. Something about me wants to destroy any possible threat that could come between us. I need to tell XiuMin that he’s mine, but how could I without causing a war within the group? Which path should I take? Giving to Tao until he understands, or scaring off XiuMin and Lay?
Aghhhh.
Screw this.
Tao, forgive me.
Please.
You made me fall hard,
Now I need you to catch me.
I closed my eyes and drifted off. A series of taps brought me out of my slumber. When I didn’t responds, the taps reappeared. I groaned something that was supposed to sound like ‘come in’ and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. The door cracked open, and a figure walked into the room. Fingers tangled with my eyes, I couldn’t tell who it was.
“We saved you some dinner. Would you like it?” The voice spoke softly, understanding I was still sleepy.
I opened my eyes to see Lay in front of me. I sat upwards as I stretched out my arms.
“You cooked? Why isn’t the fire department here? Why are there no clouds of smoke floating around?” I laughed out the last question.
“Ha. Ha.” he faked his laughter. “We ordered pizza.”
“Ahhh. That makes sense.” I got up and followed Lay out of the room to the kitchen. Taking a quick look around, I noticed the teen wasn’t there.
I got a plate and grabbed a piece before casually asking where he was.
“He had to stay after a little longer to get some extra help with the choreography.” Luhan answered.
“Ahh.” I took a bite of pizza and listened into Luhan and Chen’s continuous chatter.
“What’s been up with him lately anyway?” Chen asked Luhan.
“Who, Tao?”
“Yeah. He’s been so reserved lately. It’s not like him.” Chen responded.
I looked at Lay as a wave of guilt washed through me, knowing I was the reason.
“Ohh. He’s probably still sad about his parent’s. He just needs time to heal.” Luhan said before he shoved a slice in his mouth. I stayed silent as their conversation filled the air, preventing any awkward silence from falling. It wasn’t long before there were only three pieces left. I saw Chen reach out his hand to grab one of them and remembered that Tao should have some.
I blocked his hand. “U-uhh we should save some for Tao.” I awkwardly smiled and he nodded. Ten minutes later everyone was in their rooms I was picking up the leftover trash from the members and throwing it away. When I started washing the dishes, a familiar face walked up to me. Before I waited for him to speak, however, I asked him a question that had been bumping around in my head ever since dinner started.
“So you guys know about his parents?” I questioned; I thought I was the only one that knew.
“Yeah. I found out and then told them. Respectfully, of course.” He answered, yet he had a slightly guilty expression on his face.
I stopped washing for a second. “You… found out? How?”
He breathed in before answering. “A few weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night from a strange sound. It was quiet, but unsettling, so I couldn’t fall back asleep. XiuMin was practically dead in his bed, so any sound or movement wouldn’t bother him. I got up and went to the door to look for the source, but stopped when I heard another door open. I waited a few seconds and then cracked my door open. I could hear Tao crying and I understood what happened. I saw you carrying him out of his room, and when you closed your door I went inside Tao’s room to see what he’d done to it. I waited to see if you were going to stay in your room, and once I was sure you were, I cleaned up the mess. But…” he paused and took another breath before speaking again.
“As I got closer to the corner, I saw the pool of blood and shattered glass. I knew that you weren’t the one who did it, but I also knew that the wound would take longer to heal the longer the glass stayed in the wound. So, I waited a while to make sure you were both asleep before I went into your room. When I got to your bed…” He paused again, and looked down. This time, he couldn’t hide his feelings. What he was about to say, the memory, what he saw, hurt him.
“Tao was lying on you. He was practically glued to you so I just sat on the edge of the bed and plucked out each and every piece of glass. You were both practically dead too.” He laughed as he said that, causing a smile to spread on both of our faces. “Tao didn’t feel a thing, and once I was done, I left.” He looked up at me, ready to read any expression that might cross my face.
And that was a look of disbelief. “How are you so nice? Why are you so nice?” I asked him gently, truly curious. He just looked down and blushed. It took a few seconds for him to respond.
“I’m not nice. I just do what’s right. I told the other members secretly, making sure they wouldn’t bring up the topic because of how painful it was to him.”
I continued to look at him in disbelief.
And for the second time, I found myself thanking him from the bottom of my heart. He had prevented any potential mental or physical harm from coming to the boy. Without getting anything in return, and doing it to the boy who was his competition.
“YiXing, you are truly remarkable.”
Comments