Chapter Eighteen
Can I continue feeling this way?
pic credit to seoulhearts.tumblr.com
Pay SPECIAL attention to the narrators p.o.v. at the end, for it will play an important role in the next few chapters~
I awoke the next morning with a fogged mind and a heavy body. Yes, Lay's advice eased my mind, but what worries left were soon replaced with new ones after what Lay had done.
He…
kissed me,
not on the forehead,
not on the cheek,
but on the lips.
Did that mean something?
Knowing I now had work to do, I had to put all other thoughts aside. I needed to focus on that now, regardless. I woke up two hours early to make everyone a special breakfast and prepare myself for actual activity after weeks of doing nothing. Half sighing-half groaning, I drug myself out of my bed. Seeing that panda bear, which I named T.M. for trouble-maker, I stuck my tongue out at it before I left my room. No one else was up yet, so I took a few minutes to simply wake myself up. Now at 6:30, I began to prepare the food. One by one the others shuffled in. First Luhan, second Chen, and then XiuMin. I knew who was left.
I turned my attention to the food once again, and stiffened when I heard shuffling footsteps. Knowing Tao was the only one who wore slippers, I lifted my head and smiled at him. I don’t know why I did it; my head just lifted on its own while the muscles in my face decided to put on a show. It did not matter, however, as no expression met mine. No eyes. No smile. No nothing. Tao walked in with his head down and stayed like that until he got at the table.
Well then.
After a few more minutes, the last one walked in. I put on a smile, as I did with all the other members, and was returned with one as well. Once finished cooking, I put the plates down for everyone. All thanked me except Tao. After I sat down, everyone started to dig in. Chatter from Luhan and Chen kept the room upbeat, but I honestly wasn’t listening to them much. I would occasionally glance at the maknae when he looked the opposite direction. He had sat next to XiuMin, which was strange considering that he always sat next to Chen. (We all have the seats we like to sit at, needless to say, like tables at school for lunch). As odd as it was, I dismissed it.
Until I saw XiuMin feed Tao.
“Did you like it?” I heard him ask, and saw the little one nod furiously in return.
I blinked a few times, thinking I had seen it wrong, but was proven wrong when XiuMin did it once again.
That set something off in me.
“What, you can’t feed yourself?” I asked bitterly.
And immediately regretted it. The other chatter immediately halted, both looking at me to see if I was talking to them. Every head turned to me, and then followed my glare to find that I was talking to Tao.
An ache of hurt and jealousy shot through me. Why the was he suddenly so chummy with XiuMin? But I didn’t mean that. I didn’t. I didn’t. So why did I say that? Why was I so harsh? Another minute passed as the stares at me turned to simply and quietly stare at their plates instead.
XiuMin then stood up. He looked to Tao as he spoke, “C’mon. Let’s get ready.” He nudged Tao’s arm and the boy immediately got up and followed him out of the room. Luhan then repeated the words to Chen, who both promptly left.
Once they were out of sight I dropped my forehead on the end of the table and banged it who knows how many times.
What have I done? I echoed in a mumbled whisper.
A pair of hands came around my head and held it up, effectively stopping my forehead from meeting the table any longer.
“Stop.” Lay said firmly.
I didn’t say anything. What could I say? Besides, he was behind me, and its not like him to talk if we’re not face-to-face.
He held his hands steady for a little while longer, probably making sure I wouldn’t attempt to hit myself again. Yet, when he released his hands, I sent my face down one more time to meet it’s painful fate.
“Dammit, Kris.” He said as he once again applied his hands to their previous position.
“Why?” I breathed out.
“Why what, Kris?” He asked.
“Why did I say that? Why did I ruin everything again?” I took a breath. “What the is wrong with me?!” I turned my head to look at him and noticed a slightly pained look on Lay’s face. With this, he let go of me and took the seat next to me.
He took a breath before dipping his head to find my eyes. Once we locked gazes, he started speaking.
“Why did you ask him that?” He asked calmly.
“I-I saw XiuMin feed him.”
“And that alone made you mad?” he asked calmly, again.
“Yesterday… I saw XiuMin comforting him in his room. So when he did that this morning, I felt like Tao had slipped even further away from me.” I whispered the last part, a little embarrassed to be so open about my feelings.
It was then a light bulb went off.
Before he could respond, I spat out one more thing-
“Does XiuMin like him?”
I looked deep into Lay’s eyes as he tried to conjure up an answer.
He need not answer.
The simple fact that he couldn’t quickly give me one was explanation enough.
As if on cue, another wave of pain made it’s way into my body. My soul shuddered with unwanted sadness as I realized that someone might take him away from me.
Lay, sensing my pain, cupped my cheek with his palm. His touch was warm, and quite simply, comforting. He then closed the gap between our lips. I closed my eyes and fully accepted his kiss. A spark of electricity bolted across the hole in my heart. Lay’s kiss was embedded with care; it was full of hope and understanding. Never could he have told more with words than he could like this. It was as if he was telling me it would be okay, that things would work out.
I could only hope he was right.
I wanted more. This reassurance; this hope; this trust that I got with his touch. I wanted to feel it again.
With that, I kissed him back.
-Narrator’s p.o.v.-
With his eyes closed, Kris could not see who was standing in front of him.
Staring.
Gaping.
Motionless.
Watching,
as the lips that stole his were now the ones being stolen.
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