a/n: fml guys i legit cried writing this, this is more intense than i planned and it's so long??? and i'm not even a jackson x sana shipper oh gosh the feels my heart oh my goodness (if you ship yuta x sana, read on too lol)

Tears roll down her cheeks as the Japanese girl stares absent-mindedly at her old phone. It's been excatly a year since she broke up with Jackson - which was the day she saw him kissing another girl in a carnival - and Sana had gotten rid of almost everything that was related to him. That includes clothes that belonged to him, things he bought for her, cute gifts she made for him for his birthday and her handphone. The last was an exception. True, Sana had changed a new phone almost immediately (for there were too many picture and texts and voice messages and couple apps on her phone that it would just hurt her and stab right at her heart if she were to delete them one by one), but her old phone was kept locked away at the corner of her drawer.

She finally mustered the courage to switch it on. But within seconds, as an old selca of theirs - which happened to be her wallpaper - stares back at her, tears found their way out of her eyes and Sana felt flood gates from her eyes threatening to be opened. She rubs her eyes roughly. You can do this.

The first thing she opens is her messenger app. The last message she sent out with this phone happened to be to Jackson, the day she was out with her friends, going to the exact same carnival he brought that other girl to.

It says: i hate you and i never want to see you again.

Sana winces but immediately calms down. She knows her wounds have healed, she knows she can do this. She knows. She tightens her grip on her phone. She can do this.

minatozaki sana 🌸  

february-14-2015

 jacksonie 💘

{ thank you for accepting my love, sana ]

{ i'm incredibly happy ^^ ]

[ hi~ }

[ i think... i should be the one thankful instead... thank you for liking me... }

[ ahh i'm sorry i still sound so awkward }

{ it's okay it's okay! this 'us' thing... it's new... ]

{ we are new... ]

{ sana i promise you'll be in my heart forever ]

{ so just trust me with yours too <3 ]

[ okay ^^ }

[ i trust you }

[ thank you for sending me back to my dorm by the way }

{ no worries, that's my duty from now on! ]

{ i'm proud to be the one doing this :D ]

[ thank you~! }

{ yah you why do you still sound so formal with me ]

{ we didn't chat so formally like this before it's funny haha ]

[ hmm you're right }

[ maybe because i'm nervous }

[ ahhhhh but thank you anyway <3 i mean it }

{ i got it i got it ]

{ love you <3 ]

[ love you~ <3 }

...

...

march-17-2015

{ sana~~~~ ]

[ hey! i'm so sorry i was in the washroom just now }

[ but yes? }

{ wanna grab lunch together now? i'm by the school gates ]

[ i have a lecture in a few minutes :< what to doooo }

{ ohno :(( it's okay another day then! don't be sad! ]

{ do well in your studies, that's important okay?? ]

[ mhm hmm~~! i will keke }

[ you too hwaiting okay? i heard you did pretty well!! }

{ yeah sorta so-so heh but thank you babe! ]

{ love you, hurry along, don't be late!! ]

[ so naggy tsk tsk haha kidding }

[ i got it, eat well! think of me :P }

[ for i will be in misery in the lecture hall... *sobs* }

{ i will :P ]

...

...

april-19-2015

[ babe~! }

{ yes, my love? ]

{ ohno i sound so cheesy lol ]

[ that's because you eat wayyyyy too much cheese }

[ how do you eat so much o.O }

[ ahh anyway that's not the point keke }

[ guess who got complimented by the stone cold professor Lee today?? }

{ minatozaki sana!!!!! ]

[ BINGO! }

[ heheh i'm so happy i'm on cloud nine~~ floatingggg }

{ i'm so happy for you too!!! he gave you a lot of stress before right TT ]

{ you'll be top in fashion design in NO TIME! i know it~ ]

{ my baby i'm so proud~~ ]

[ of course~ i'm minatozaki sana~~ }

{ eyy that confidence? ]

{ you cutie ]

[ and of course~~ }

[ keke see you later, my friends are coming! }

{ okay babe~ gotta head to the fencing centre anyway ]

{ training zzz ]

[ train well babe! i believe in you~ XOXO }

{ <3 ]

...

...

may-4-2015

{ are u feeling better?? ]

{ i can ditch class to find you ]

[ yes i'm better i'm in the nurse's office and no no noooo }

[ please don't skip class!!! i'll be okay~~ }

{ too late ]

[ jackson??? }

{ on my way to the nurse's office to meet my sana~~ ]

[ yah you! seriously!! aish }

[ i give up why are u like this TT don't skip class go back~ }

[ hurry }

{ hurry? ]

{ ok i'll go to you quickly sana my love~ ]

[ no no no no nooooo i mean back to class!!! }

[ yah i'll get angry ok?? }

{ oKAY ROUND ABOUT TURN! ]

{ ABORT MISSION ABORT MISSION ]

{ i'm heading back to class now babe please don't be angry ]

{ sana?????? ]

{ sanaaaaaaaaaa???????? please? ]

{ ohmygosh sana reply me?????? ]

[ ahh sorry i sneezed and a lot of mucus came out so heheh asjaf9wd }

[ ahh i'm sorry again i sneezed again }

{ after my class, i'm bringing you home immediately okay? ]

[ okay! ^^ i'll wait for u~~ bye~ go to class! i'm going to nap }

[ when i wake up, u better tell me what u learned in class today }

[ so PAY ATTENTION!!! or i'll kill u }

{ scary ]

{ minatozaki sana is scary ]

{ ohnoooo ]

[ keke }

[ now you know hmph }

[ hurry along~ }

{ entering class~ bye my love! ]

...

...

june-30-2015

[ jackson~ i heard there's a new girl at the fencing centre today! }

{ ahh yes there is! she's coming to our school as well haha~ ]

[ oh? weww new friends ^^ most of the people there are from our school right? }

{ mhm hmm most of them are, only about a handful aren't ]

{ but why?? ]

[ ahh nothing i was just curious~ because there are a lot of transfer students coming in }

[ it's so interesting??? like i heard there's a boy from China that does martial arts }

[ another guy from Japan too who's apparently some star soccer player }

[ this girl from Thailand who's an expert cook and majors in culinary arts? }

[ then this female fencer from Hong Kong, China like you too! i was surprised! }

[ because female fencers seem so rare D: i wonder why~ it's such an amazing sport! }

{ aye~ it's amazing only because it's me ;) rightttt ]

[ tsk how arrogant *pat pat* but it's okay ily~ }

{ heh ]

{ but yeah you're right! she's Chinese too, seems a little quiet though? ]

[ aww man maybe she feels a little like an odd one out? }

[ give her some time~~ }

[ yah don't make things hard for her okay? maybe she's homesick too TT }

{ 'too'? ]

{ are you homesick? ]

[ kind of... }

[ but it's okay! }

{ when are you visiting home? ]

[ next month~ so it's okay really!! }

[ thank u for the concern though <3 }

{ of course~ since i love you~ ]

[ heh so cheesy~ }

...

...

july-4-2015

{ sana have you landed yet? ]

{ ahh wait i guess not ]

{ hmm it says in about 30 minutes more... ]

{ please message me when you reached Japan okay?? ]

{ i need to know you're safe!! ]

[ hellooooo jackson~~ }

[ minatozaki sana! hajimemae~~ }

{ 'minatozaki sana! how do you do~~' ??? is that what it meant? ]

[ yeap! wow you're learning >o< so fast~ }

[ i can't even speak Chinese properly yet what to do :(( }

[ i think it's funny, we speak Korean to each other }

[ though we're not Korean }

[ but because we study in Seoul and have no other common languages }

{ it's okay~ it's unique heh ]

[ my mom is here~ }

{ say hit to auntie for me! ]

[ okay ^^ }

[ she says hi too! and she says you should visit Japan soon~ }

[ ahh and that she'll bring you on tour when you come to Osaka ^^ }

{ aww that's so nice of her! help me say thanks! ]

{ and that i'll definitely visit Osaka as soon as I can! ]

{ i can't wait :D ]

{ okay go along and talk to your mom, you must miss her right~? ]

[ yes i do TT i'm so happy }

{ that's good to know babe ]

{ love you~ now go! ]

{ i'll miss you :( heck i'm already missing you ]

[ i'm gonna be here for five weeks! i know it's long but don't be sad~

[ enjoy your six-week school break too~ ]

{ fencing training zz ]

{ how am i going to survive without my sana??? ]

{ my heart is already broken~ what to do?? ]

[ YOU CAN DO IT! }

[ lots of love from Osakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ }

{ and now i have strength to even climb mountains~ HAHA thank you my love! ]

{ i'll fetch you when you're back~ just tell me you're flight details! ]

[ okays~ and i expect a big big BIG bear hug when i'm back okay? }

{ anything for u <3 ]

...

...

july-15-2015

[ jacksonnnn }

[ jackson? }

[ jacksonie? }

[ jacksonnnnnnn~~ }

[ ahh i guess you're not online TT }

[ i'm at this sweets shop and i want to buy some for you }

[ but i can't decide between the flavours~ }

[ it's okay i'll ask when you're online and i'll come back again ^^ }

[ ahh ohno gotta go now~ }

[ you must be training hard! train well okay?? }

[ lots of love from Osakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ }

[ heheh }

july-18-2015

[ jacksonie? }

[ hmm you read my messages but didn't reply me }

[ was training very difficult?? }

[ please take care ok? }

[ i miss you~ }

[ but i understand it's difficult to talk everyday like this~ }

[ so let's talk when you're free! heheh }

[ lots of love from Osakaaaaaaaaaaa~~ }

july-21-2015

{ hey sana ]

{ sorry i was busy ]

{ had a lot of things to do ]

{ how are you? ]

[ HELLO!! ^^ }

[ ahh i was so surprised when i saw your message~ happy happy ^^ }

{ glad to know you're doing well!! ]

[ so }

[ what have you been up to? }

{ alot of fencing training... it's tiring really... ]

{ i'm at the centre right now actually ]

[ everyday?! that's crazy >< }

[ have you been healthy?? }

{ not everyday but almost haha~ ]

{ yes, yes i have been thank u :) ]

[ oh yeah! that reminds me }

[ how has that Chinese female fencer been doing? }

[ did she go home too? }

[ is she getting along with everybody well?? }

{ er yeah ]

[ ?? hmm? }

{ as in she didn't go home to China but like ]

{ she's okay with us and all ]

[ oh that's great news! it's good to have support like that in a foreign country }

[ i remember how lost i was oh dear thank goodness i found friends~~ }

{ haha of course!! ]

[ i realise i don't know her name though what's her name? }

{ Xuan Ying ]

[ ooh~~ does she have an English name or something? }

{ yeah i gave her one ]

{ as in like the bunch of us fencers we were together eating ]

{ and we were picking possible names and they picked mine ]

[ ooh then let's hear it! }

{ Jessica ]

[ hmm that does sound very Xuan Ying-ish keke do i make sense? }

[ she must be happy then ^^ that she's fitting well and all :D }

{ yeah ]

[ you sound tired... }

{ i'm sorry ]

[ why the sudden...? }

[ no no i don't mean you're boring to talk to or anything >< }

{ haha ]

{ nah just that i've been thinking a lot these days ]

[ oohhhh~~ like what? }

{ life... future... people... things like that... ]

[ ohhhh }

[ yeah it's important }

{ yeah ]

[ mhm hmm }

{ look, i'll get going now ]

[ oh yeah okay }

{ see you~ ]

[ yeap see you! i'll text you again~ }

[ lots of love from Osakaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~ }

[ i love youuuuu~ }

[ oh you went offline already }

[ nevermind it's okay ^^ train well, i believe in you~ }

july-28-2015

[ hey~~ }

[ we haven't talked at all since last week }

[ i mean usually we talk for at least 3 days in a week }

[ but it's okay~ you have intense training and i'm in Japan soooo }

[ it's difficult }

[ but i'm returning in a week!! }

[ you'll be picking me up right? }

[ ahh it's difficult... }

[ lots of love from Osakaaaaaaaaaaaa~ }

july-31-2015

[ jacksonie? }

[ am i bothering you? }

[ you don't seem to be reading my messages at all... }

[ are u okay? }

[ did something happen?? }

[ please tell me so i can help you!! }

[ lots of love from Osakaaaaa~ }

august-2-2015

[ jackson?? }

[ i'm sorry if i sound needy and all but }

[ are u okay??????????? }

[ please reply me i'm worried we haven't talked for more than 10 days }

[ i heard nothing from u i'm scared... }

[ jackson?? }

[ if you see this, please reply me? }

[ and tell me if you're okay? }

[ and also what flavour sweets you want ^^ the staff recommended me matcha }

[ i bought some already but if you want more/others please tell me?? }

[ just please reply me?? }

[ lots of love from Osakaa~ }

august-3-2015

[ jackson... }

[ where are you? }

[ i really miss you... }

[ lots of love from Osaka }

august-4-2015

[ jackson please what's going on? }

[ you read all my messages this morning }

[ but why aren't you saying anything? }

[ jackson please i'm scared }

[ jackson?? }

[ babe? }

[ please? }

[ i'm begging you what's going on }

august-6-2015

{ hey ]

{ you coming back tomorrow right? ]

[ OHMYGOSH JACKSON THANK GOD }

[ I WAS SO WORRIED }

[ i couldn't contact you and i was so scared }

[ i thought you got injured or something }

{ it's just training, sana, don't think too much ]

{ i'm professional so it's okay ]

[ oh that's good to hear!! i'm glad you're safe }

{ and about the sweets thing ]

{ you really don't have to get me anything ]

{ but since you got matcha already, then that will do thanks! ]

[ oh okay! sure! }

{ i have to go now ]

[ huh but - }

[ jackson? }

[ offline... }

[ i wanted to ask you if you're coming to the airport tomorrow... }