*Jaejoong’s POV

 

I spent almost the whole day after coming back from the hospital by just lying on the bed. I don’t have even a slight intention to sleep because that’s what I’ve been doing almost everyday in the hospital; sleeping. I stared to the other side; the place that belongs to Yunho. Yunho’s scent is lingering freshly on my nose. It sooth me somehow, knowing that some part of him would never leave me.

 

I woke up when I feels it’s enough. I took a deep breath; encouraging myself that I can do this. I know how hard for Yunho to make this decision and I know it wasn’t easy for him either.

 

I shifted to a corner of the room; approaching the wardrobe. My heart softened the moment my eyes laid on Yunho’s clothes. I caressed it gently and sniffed onto the scent. I was about to pull the suitcase from on top when I heard someone’s knocking against the room.

 

*KNOCK! *KNOCK!

 

“”Jae hyung…are you in there…?””

 

“”Yes…wait a second…!”I shouted from inside.…”

 

I pushed the suitcase back itsformer position. It comes to me that Junsu had the right to know. They have the right to know what I up to. Adjusting my appearance, I stepped forward towards the door and welcome my dongsaeng in with a sweet smile.

 

“”Are you okay, hyung…?””We made our way to my bed.

 

“You’ve been locking yourself in your room for all day. I’m worried…”Junsu explained.

 

“I’m fine, Junsu-ah…”

 

“Really…? It’s okay if you’re not…if I’m in your shoes right now; I probably going crazy already…”

 

“I’m fine, really…”I tried hard to convince him. I understood his intention very well. Every normal person would act like what he just said.

 

“To be honest…I’m kind of relieved…I love Yunho very much…I really do…I never even dream before that I would able to find someone who loves me more than I do…”Junsu wanted to say something and I can guessed what will come out from his mouth. I stopped him before he does.

 

“Everything happened so fast. SO fast that it freaked me out. I’m happy to be with Yunho; but I wasn’t expecting that it would require this much sacrifice…I was thinking that Yunho doesn’t deserve to suffer like this because of me…”

 

“Hyung…both of you are fated to meet each other and fell in love…I know…the path that both of you took; was the roughest path of all…it doesn’t have to be like this…Changmin’s trying to track him and…”

 

“Junsu-ah…it wasn’t easy for me too…for me; it’s only him…my whole life is all about him…you think I’m not scared at all that he just left me…?!”

 

“I’M SHIVERED whenever I think of him…I PRENTENDED to smile…I PRETENDED that I’m fine…but you know what…my heart URGED me that he’ll come back to me…convinced me that what we shared wasn’t just a tiny little thing…”

 

“hyung…I understand…that’s why we’ve been trying very hard to find Yunho hyung and bring him back..”

 

“No…you’re wrong…what the use of him; standing right in front of me now if I don’t have a courage to say that I’m sorry to him…”I brushed off the tears that rolled down with my thumb.

 

“…hyung…”

 

“Yunho was right…both of us do need some spaces; to figure out who we really are…I’ll took all the punishment for being so selfish…I’ll wait for him no matter how long it took…”

 

Junsu was speechless. He felt like he was completely defeated. His real intention is to coax his hyung but instead Jaejoong was convincing him that he can go through it.

 

“I’m fine Junsu-ah…I’m really fine…thanks…you’re a great dongsaeng…you took a huge responsibility to take care of me when in fact it was my job to look after you…”Jaejoong caressed Junsu’s cheek and run his fingers through Junsu’s hair.

 

“There’s nothing written in the book that only the older was supposed to take care the youngest…it works for both…” Jaejoong smiled in return. Junsu pulled Jaejoong into a hug.

 

“…and Junsu-ah…there’s something I want to tell you…”

 

“JUNG YUNHO!!!!!! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY…?! IT’S JUNG YUNHO!!!! I SAID FIND JUNG YUNHO!!! FIND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

Jaejoong and Junsu were surprised with Changmin’s high note screaming. Jaejoong looked at Junsu; demanding an answer.

 

“Changmin cannot really handle this…it’s like a blow to him…”

 

*At the Living Room

 

“I DON’T CARE WHERE WILL YOU FIND HIM…? JUST FIND HIM!!!!!!!!”Changmin yelled. Yoochun and Kibum couldn’t do anything anymore to stop him.

 

“Changmin-ah…just stop…!”All the three of them looked at the fair man standing on the staircase.

 

“PLEASE~!”

 

“But Jaejoong hyung, this is not right…he’s alone somewhere and he…”

 

“I know…I know it very well…and I’m really sorry that I was the reason that he left…”

 

“No! It wasn’t your fault…Yunho hyung just been stubborn, that’s all…and believe me…I can find him…”

 

“I believe you…but it wasn’t your fault too, Changmin-ah…”Jaejoong spoke with a really sweet tone. He stepped down the stairs carefully and he only stopped when he reached right in front of the raging Changmin.

 

 “Your hyung has a valid reason for doing this…why don’t you trust him in this…I trust him…”

 

Changmin’s lips glued tight. He was staring deep into Jaejoong’s sincere eyes.

 

“Go home…take a fresh bath…cool down yourself…”Jaejoong patted Changmin’s arm fondly.

 

“How can you just accept his…how did you do it…? Out of all people; I knew that you’re hurting the most…”

 

Changmin rubbed his eyes in frustration. He clicked the end button on the phone screen with his other hand to end the conversation.

 

“I’m hurting…I’m suffering…but I know I’m not the only one…Yunho’s hurting too…”

 

Kibum stepped forward to interfere. He pulled Changmin’s hand and persuaded him to go home like what Jaejoong had suggested. Changmin was helpless and tired too.

 

“Wait…before you go…I have something to tell you guys…”Jaejoong voiced out.

 

*****************************

Kibum pressed on the green button on his hand phone to make a call. His long wait doesn’t give him the result he wanted.  Kibum made another attempt. He doesn’t even remembered for how many times already he tried, hoping that the other line will pick up this time. It’s still the same.

 

 “Where the hell is he…? Please God; that he will not take another reckless action.”

 

He almost gave up when he heard a loud bang outside of the living room. He ran towards the main door only to be welcomed with a drunk Changmin; falling into his arm.

 

“Open…fftthh…the door…!”Changmin talked like he's chewing his voice.

 

“It’s already opened…if you bother to talk with an open eyes…” Kibum replied with sarcasm. He pulled Changmin’s left arm and spung it around his own neck; helping Changmin to walk inside.

 

Kibum looked at the corner of his eyes. It was a rare scenery. Chagmin’s rarely get himself drunk because he has so many things to handle. Kibum wonder how he can still drive home in that condition.

 

“Well…at least he doesn’t kill anyone…”…Kibum muttered under his breath while dragging the tall weighed more than him to his room.

 

He threw Changmin onto the bed with one breath and gasped for an oxygen soon after. Kibum adjusted Changmin’s position and took out the sock one by one.

 

“Should I be worried…?”Kibum asked himself. He looked at Changmin one more time before he walked out of the room; leaving Changmin’s groaning on the bed alone.

 

Changmin’s eye lids twitched in opened after making sure that Kibum is gone. He swallowed down his saliva, trying to clear up his throat and forced himself to stand up. He staggered on his way to the table and opened up a drawer. With his eyes that barely able to open; he pulled up a piece of paper that it seems like a flight ticket out of a diary. His hand rummaged through the drawer looking for something.

 

With his left hand holding onto the ticket; he lit up the lighter with his other hand.

 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!” Kibum screamed and snatched the ticket right in time.

 

“I was so naïve that I thought I can discuss with you about this!” Kibum talked with his unstable breathing.

 

“Planning to go without telling me first…?” It was so obvious that Changmin was pissed off. He talked while gritting his teeth.

 

“Why would I do that…? Is not like I’m running away from you…”

 

“Since when you’re planning to leave me…? SINCE WHEN?!!!!!!”

 

“We’ve talked about this before!…I’ve already told you about this…”

 

“Obviously Iwasn’t listening…”

 

“Huh!…so funny…you weren’t listening when I talked to you when you’re fully sober……now you’re drunk; your ears are all mine…???”

 

“You wanna leave me like Yunho hyung did to Jaejoong hyung…? Is that it…?”

 

“You’ve being paranoid, Changmin-ah…and…don’t use your hyung as an excuse to make me feel guilty…I’ve been with you since…I don’t know, only God knows for how long…I know that you aren’t mad at your hyung…you trust him very much…if he said to you that the world is square; you would believe it…you’re mad at me…”

 

“I’m not mad at you…”Changmin denied. He staggered back towards his bed and settled himself on the soft comfy bed spread.

 

“Yes…you are…”

 

“No…I’m not mad at you…I’m just at myself…because I don’t have enough reason to make you stay here with me…”Kibum was a bit surprised to hear what Changmin just said.

 

“It’s just for a while…it’s not like I’m going to leave you…I just want to go visit my parents at the States…spend some times with them…”

 

“Just go…”Changmin rest his back on the bed.

 

“What…?”

 

“It’s not like my day will stop If you’re not here…just go…I don’t know how many things that you’re planning behind my back…just do whatever you want…I won’t stop you…”

 

Kibum shook his head in disbelieved.

 

“I never asked one thing from you…not even once…I can’t believe I can even stay with you…”

 

*********************

 

Jaejoong couldn’t sleep and couldn’t stay still on the bed. He kept tossing his body to the left and to the right. He patted his pillow for several times and kept adjusting his sleeping position. He still didn’t find what he’s searching for. He closed his eyes tightly and remained in the same position; waiting for him to just fall asleep eventually. Unfortunately; he met with the same failures. He sat up immediately; giving up. He grabbed the ticking clock on the bed side table and huffed in defeated seeing that it’s almost 2.30 in the morning.

 

7 months has passed since the day Yunho left him. He’s back living in his own mansion. Junsu wasn’t living there anymore because that place is far from the company.  Junsu disagreed for his decision but he insisted to stay alone.

 

*Flashback

 

 “Wait…before you go…I have something to tell you guys…”Seeing that they’re giving them a wondering look; Jaejoong decided to continue.

 

“I will move back into my house…”

 

“You’re in your house, hyung…”Junsu’s correcting him.

 

“Not the one with Yunho…our own house, Junsu…”

 

“What about this house then…?”Changmin took turn to ask.

 

“This house is supposed to be my house and Yunho…I can’t live here when Yunho’s gone…I’ve already talked to Junki hyung…he and the rest of the maids will look after this house until Yunho comes back…”

 

Junsu and Yoochun were exchanging glances.

 

“I’ll start packing up too then…”

 

“Not you, Junsu-ah…you have to work…I wanted to stay there, alone…to clear up my mind…”

 

*Flashback End

 

7 months has passed but Jaejoong was still struggling to cope with his new life. His nights weren’t as nice as before. He missed Yunho’s scent accompanying him to sleep. He wonders if Yunho feels the same way like he did.

 

“It’s really funny…I’m uncomfortable sleeping at my own house…”Jaejoong scoffed.

 

He changed his bed sheet multiple times within a week and even his favorite bed sheet couldn’t save him through the night.

 

Jaejoong pulled a thick sweater to cover up his body and rose up. He decided to just work on something until his body couldn’t go anymore.

 

The once dark kitchen was now lightened up. Jaejoong opened up the freezer and took out the ingredients that need to be used. He lined them up in the counter and stared at them for a while. He opened up the kitchen cabinet and took out a medium bowl for him to mix the dough.

 

He started to keep his hands busy and let himself drowned into his own emotion.

 

He took out the dough from the mixer into the bowl. He mould the dough with his bare hands; slowly and gently.

 

His eyes might be opened but what he sees is only Yunho’s face. Yunho’s been missing for 7 months but Yunho’s face is freshly kept inside his mind storage. The happiest moment in his life is whenever he saw Yunho. Seeing Yunho’s smiling at him. He remembers Yunho’s unique lips; the hot feeling when that lips came against his own. Yunho’s tender hand’s caressing his face.

 

The tears slipped out from his eyes; Jaejoong wiped it off with his sleeves. He continued mould the dough, the tears continued coming out. Jaejoong closed his eyes and the tears fell down into the bowl. He felt even more cold that night; not even just outside…but he felt like his heart was frozen.

 

Jaejoong opened up the dustbin and threw away the dough.

 

“Yunho-ah…I miss you…I really miss you…”

 

Jaejoong clamped onto his left chest; his lips trembling and his body’s shaking. He closed his eyes tightly. But nothing he did would change the fact that Yunho wasn’t with him.

 

Only the pain of missing Yunho building up and killing him softly from inside.

 

“What should I do…I don’t know for how long I can do this…it’s torturing me…even when I close my eyes; I see you…even when I block my ears; I would still hear your voice…”

 

A day passes and another day passed. Jaejoong’s been waiting for Yunho to come back. Every day he never missed to cook enough for two people and wait for Yunho to come back.

 

Because Yunho might return…

 

He waited patiently at the dining table just like he’s waiting for Yunho to come back from work. Sometimes he would fall asleep at the table.

 

And the next day; he would wait for Yunho again. Feeling tired sitting at the table; he would wait at the door frame. Even if he’s sitting at the living room, his eyes would never left the gate; like he’s expecting Yunho would return in any second.

 

A day passes. And another passed.

 

Jaejoong never missed to prepare himself; dressed up for Yunho. He sprayed the perfume that Yunho like. He would clean up the house; and nervously waiting for Yunho. To kill the time; the magazine on the table will become his favorite. He finished one by one and when it comes to lunch; he would cook again. Cooked Yunho’s favorite’sfood.

 

Because Yunho might return.

 

But at the end of day; he will eat when the bell in his stomach rang; and again like any other days, he ate alone accompanied with his tears. The night came and Yunho’s shirt will be his blanket.

 

A day passed and another day passed. It replaced with week and then month. The day changes but one thing that never changes; how much he’s longing for Yunho.

 

*8 Months passed

 

Jaejoong cooked for two again today. He arranged it beautifully on the table; and there are even fresh flowers which he bought early in the morning. He gazed at the food dreamily and imagined several possible reactions that Yunho would give him.

 

At least he’s able to smile just by dreaming about Yunho.

 

The clock’s ticking from 2 p.m to it’s already 3 p.m and then point at 4 p.m.

 

Jaejoong was no longer at the dining table. The delicious menu he cooked; remain intact. He was sitting at the door frame with his eyes stuck at the main gate. He pulled the legs up to his chest and his hand grasp firmly onto his phone.

 

Whenever he received a call from unknown number; ‘Yunho’would be the first name slipped out from his mouth.

 

Jaejoong felt really tired; his eyes lids were begging at him to close but he forced himself not to. Afraid that he might scare Yunho. But how much strength that Jaejoong has left that can keep him stay awake.

 

The waiting costs him strength and thus; his body won. Jaejoong fell asleep while leaning against the wall.

 

30 minutes after; a car stopped in front of Jaejoong’s house. The sound of the car failed to wake Jaejoong up. He’s too tired and for once; he finally able to sleep peacefully.

 

*****************************

“Yunho…”Jaejoong called the only one name in his sleep.

 

“Yunho…”

 

“Yunho…”Jaejoong’s eyes widely opened. He was hugging onto Yunho’s shirt. Jaejoong rubbed his eyes and turned his body to the left. He’s suddenly recalled something. The last time he remembers; he’s waiting for Yunho to come back. But now he’s sleeping on his own bed.

 

He looked at Yunho’s shirt that is covering him.

 

“Yunho…?”Jaejoong sprung up immediately.  

 

“YUNHO!”

 

“YUNHO! You’re back?!”Jaejoong ran in his full speed while calling on Yunho’s name repeatedly.

 

Jaejoong smiled even wider when he heard the sound of someone’s cooking at the kitchen. He didn’t wait any longer and ran even fast just to get to him.

 

“YUNHO!!!”Jaejoong called excitedly.

 

His eyes caught the moving figure in the kitchen and Jaejoong couldn’t wait to hug him.

 

“Yu…”

 

“Oh hyung…you’re up! I’m cooking breakfast…it almost finished…”The tall man smiled at the stunned Jaejoong.

 

“C…changmin-ah…”

 

Jaejoong could feel that his hope was shattered piece by piece.

 

“Hyung…you don’t know how much you scared the hell out of me yesterday…I found the door was widely opened and you’re sleeping…at first I thought you fainted or something…”

 

“You…brought me up…?”

 

Changmin nodded without looking at Jaejoong. He’s flipping the pancake on the pan.

 

“Thanks…”Jaejoong walked weakly towards the table; waiting for Changmin to finish.

 

“Oh…I’ve already bought the groceries…I fill up everything…”

 

“Thanks…”That’s what Jaejoong could say. Changmin put one plate in front of Jaejoong and another one in front of him.

 

“Were you waiting for someone yesterday, hyung…?”

 

“Huh…?”

 

“You look like you were waiting for someone…Junsu hyung…?”Jaejoong shook his head.

 

Changmin noticed Jaejoong’s facial expression changed into sour.

 

“Yunho hyung…?”Changmin guessed again. Jaejoong didn’t answer and Changmin knew he was right.

 

There was a a pregnant silence surrounding them. Their eyes are fixed on the plate; but the content is barely moved.

 

 “Hyung…”Jaejoong raised his head upon Changmin’s call.

 

“Do you mind if I’m staying here with you…?”

 

Jaejoong looked again as he was trying to trace if there is any sense of joke. Changmin was serious and he knew because of what reason.

 

Changmin’s alone like him too. Kibum took a flight to be with his parents 3 months ago.

 

“Well…I had it enough already…so you’re welcomed to stay here…”Jaejoong replied with a soft smile. He shoved the pancake into his mouth.

 

“Enough of what…?”

 

“Enough of being alone…”Jaejoong sincerely answered.

 

“I really need some distraction for now…”Jaejoong affirmed.

 

“…and I need some comfort…”They then laughed upon Changmin’s remarks.

 

"How did you do it, hyung...? The whole waiting thing..." Changmin asked with an amazed tone.

 

"I don't know either...all I know is that; it's killing me..."

 

***********************

 

NguyeNatashax3 > That's right...Jaejoong can't help...it's how he really is...don't worry; if Seul gi did something bad to our Joongie; I myself will kill her...^_~ thanks for reading and sorry for the late update...

msdorky > yes, he is...both of them are fine now...it jus that they're not together for now...thanks for reading ^^

grutugomuk > hahaha...she will not come in between Yunjae anymore...don't worry...both yunjae are fine physically...^_~ thanks for reading!

Mistral > there's so many things going around in Joongie's mind but one thing for sure; he didn't expect that Yunho would leave her...about Seul Gi; Jae thought she deserve another chance and that he trust her...thanks for reading!

lizaliza > Yunho can see again...but he's not with Jaejoong for now...forgive me okay...thanks for reading!

azwani21 > wow dear...I'm really grateful that you like this fic...I really appreacite it...they will be together; just not the right time yet...Yunho wanted to give some space to his boojae...thanks for reading!

dbfivek > the operation went very well...thanks for reading~! ^^

dee_9576 > I'm truly sorry for making you to wait...truly sorry for the late update...and I'm really thankful that you're still here with me...This is another update...tell me what you think; okay...thank you very much and thanks for reading!

iownachibi > thanks...I hope you'll stay with me...I know I'm a bit late in updating and I'm trying...^^ sorry for separating yunjae...^_~ thanks for reading!

aenkr28 > hahaha...I'm really thankful that you're interested with this fic...I know it's my bad that it's been a while i didn't update....but I update now...^^ thanks for reading!

soyoung > I really truly thankful and sorry for making you to wait...thanks for your concern...don't worry, they'll meet again someday...^^ thanks for reading dearie!

sangae > of course he will be back...they'll meet again on one unexpected day...thanks for reading! ^_~

AshuraYu > Really?! I've been gone for that long...?!!! I know it's been long...*sigh* and I'm sorry...*bow* thanks for reading...^^

rainscarlet > I'm torturing my heart too for making them stay apart...please forgive me...thanks for reading!

MiszCJung > hahaha...really love ur comment...they indeed really need some spaces...only then they'll realize how important for them to be together...thanks for reading ^_~

vingt_likkss > I am VERY glad that you're still here with me...afraid that you will be gone...T_T...thanks for reading!

TheTwubb > thanks...I'm slolwy getting better right now...thanks for ur patience...thanks for reading!

Purplezest > here  the tissue dearie...*hand u box of tissue*  thanks for ur concern...^^ thanks for reading!

byul_mi > I'm getting better each day...really hope so...*cross my fingers* of course Yun will be back...he wouldn't dare to just leave his love one; boojae...Jae is fine physically and but his heart is another case...a heartbroken...T_T...thanks for reading!

chu_david > Thanks~! I hope for the same thing too ~! right, Yunho just left...he just left..tsk tsk...thanks for reading!

yufen18 > Changmin would do that if it's not because of Jaejoong's request..and now he's losing someone too...pity him...thanks for reading!

catzchii > yeah you're right...only then; they would realize how much they love each other...they'll learn from this separation...I'm really thankful for ur patience...I wanted to cry...thanks for reading!

SummerSky > annyeong~! hoping that you would like it...and here is another update! thanks for reading!

********************

A/N : you don't know how much thankful I am that you're still here with me...thanks for all those wishes...I really have to get myself a tissue...really love you guys...! Enjoy another update and comments are really welcomed!

Your comments really made my day...I'm smiling non-stop because of you guys...

THANKS~!

LOVE YUNJAE, LOVE DBSK 5 FOREVER...!