******************************************

“You have a guest; Jaejoong-ah…” 

 

“I’ll come down in a bit…thanks Junki hyung…” Jaejoong stood up and make his way to the makeup table first. Standing in front of the mirror; he observed how he’s look. He adjusted his appearance and went out of the room soon after.

 

Jaejoong closed the door slowly and walked downstairs carefully. Junki felt that Jaejoong was a bit worn out and weak, he wanted to ask Jaejoong whether Jaejoong was okay or not but when he was about to; he saw the way Jaejoong’s staggered.

 

“Jaejoong-ah!” He called frantically. Jaejoong was on the verge of falling out but luckily Junki caught him right in time.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay…” Junki asked; a bit worried.

 

“I’m fine…hyung…just a bit dizzy…thanks…” Junki released the pale Jaejoong gently.

 

Junki watched Jaejoong from the back as Jaejoong finally reached the door and opened it. He stood still. He said nothing. He kept staring at the man in front of him.

 

“Siwon-shi?” Jaejoong called in surprised tone.

 

“Owh you’re here….I’m sorry I came here without informing you first…”

 

“I don’t mind…I’m sure you have your own reason…” Jaejoong walked closely to Dr. Siwon.

 

“I’ll be leaving soon…my flight…” Dr. Siwon paused as he’s glancing at his watch.

 

“…will be departed 2 hours from now…”

 

“What…? Why…?”

 

“They have a good news for us; Jaejoong-shi…and I decided to go first and make an arrangement if any…” Dr. Siwon smiled brightly. Jaejoong flustered and lost in his words.

 

“Seriously…? So soon…?” Jaejoong couldn’t believe it.

 

“Let’s just say that they owed me a favour…when I informed them about this matter; they’re overwhelmed to help me…you’re lucky; Jaejoong-shi…”

 

“I don’t know what to say…”

 

“You don’t have to say anything…it’s just that…I hope you will tell Yunho-shi as soon as possible…this chance wouldn’t come twice…” Jaejoong’s smile disappear the moment Yunho’s name mentioned.

 

“It’s hard to communicate with him lately…but I’ll try no matter what…” Jaejoong said; not looking at Dr.Siwon.

 

“You know…it’s not too late for you to withdraw your intention…” Jaejoong shook his head; totally disagreed.

“I know I might sound like one who doesn’t know how to be thankful…but truthfully…I’m not happy at all getting back my voice while Yunho lost his sight…I told myself for countless times that I can do this…I can be like Yunho…” Jaejoong inhaled deeply.

 

“…but I can’t…”

 

“I don’t know how to be like Yunho…he protects me when I’m in need…while I…even until these minutes; I only know how to make him suffer…”

 

“I’m sure that’s not true…” Siwon interrupted.

 

“You think…? Maybe…whatever it is…I’m willing to sacrifice anything just to make Yunho look at me just like how he used to before…since he lost his sight; all he know is to doubt me…doubt my feeling to him…it’s hurt to tell you…it’s really hurt…” Siwon didn’t know what to tell anymore and he could only listen. He knows love is unpredictable.

 

 Jaejoong bid Siwon good bye and wished him good luck. He turned around just to see Junki’s waiting for him at the door frame.

 

“You know…I don’t think Yunho will agree to this…”

 

“Then I’ll have to make him agree even if one day he decided to leave me…” Jaejoong blurted and was about to walk in when Junki grabbed his arm in a sudden.

 

“Do you think that will solve all problems? You’re just going to make things even more complicated. All Yunho needs is more times to get used to this condition…unless you’re ashamed to be with blind man…” Junki acted like Jaejoong’s guardian when he’s scolding like that.

 

“So what…I don’t want to be with a blind man…are you happy now…?” Jaejoong snatched his arm back. Suddenly Jaejoong heard a voice behind him. He turned his head and he saw the topless Yunho.

 

“Who was that just now, Jae?” Yunho asked. Jaejoong stood still and turned paler than before.

 

“…and is it true…what you’re saying just now…?” The voice uttered was cold and unfriendly at all. Jaejoong dropped down onto his knees in that instant. It was like his life was about to be snatched away from him.

 

“I asked you…is it true?” Yunho repeated his question with a stern voice this time. He looked upward to face Yunho. Jaejoong couldn’t spot anything in his face but anger and fury. Even if he told the truth; he bet that Yunho wouldn’t believe him.

 

“Okay…I understand now…”

 

“No...you don’t understand anything!” Jaejoong stood up immediately and dashed towards Yunho on the staircase.

 

“I…” He was so desperate to explain to Yunho but he doesn’t know what to say or where to start. The tears started b down when the thought of losing Yunho slip into his mind.

 

“Do you hate me that much; Jaejoong-ah…? Do you really wanted to go out of my life that bad…?!” Jaejoong gasped; extremely shocked.

 

“No…that wasn’t what…” Jaejoong’s sentence was held midway when Yunho raised his voice to him.

 

“SO WHAT…? I CAN’T SEE…I CAN’T SEE ANYMORE!!!!! AND I’M NOT WORTH OF YOUR LOVE; IS THAT IT…?! YOU’RE PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL…BUT I CAN’T SEE THAT…I KNOW IT, JAEJOONG-AH…” The tears flowing fast down from Jaejoong’s eyes.

 

“Is that how you see me as…? What should I do to make you to trust me, Yunho-ah…”

 

“Just leave me alone…go out of this house and never come back again…” Jaejoong’s eyes widened to their fullest extent as he couldn’t believe what Yunho just said. Yunho climbed up the staircase cautiously and disappeared into the bedroom; leaving Jaejoong with a throbbing pain in his heart. Jaejoong stepped down of the stairs looking so disbelieved.

 

“Jaejoong-ah…I’m sorry…I didn’t mean for it to be like this…” Junki tried to reach for Jaejoong but Jaejoong quickly backed away.

 

“I’m sorry hyung…I just wanna be alone right now…”

 

 

*At the same time:

 

Yunho closed the door behind him softly. While leaning his back against the door; slowly he slid down to the floor.

 

“What have I done?” Yunho regretted.

 

***************************************

Jaejoong stared wordlessly at both of his hands. The scars appear to be more obvious than it usually does.  Jaejoong twisted open the water tap and let it pour it down into the sink.

 

“DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH…?” Jaejoong’s hands jerked up automatically in surprise and hit the flower vase aside. The vase fell down and shattered into pieces.

 

Jaejoong squatted down and picked up the glass pieces one by one. And without he even realized what he was doing; it accidently cut Jaejoong’s finger.

 

“Ouch…!” Jaejoong released everything back on the floor. While holding onto his already bleeding finger; Jaejoong rest his back against the tiles wall. The pain wasn’t really much but the tears rolled down and the next second Jaejoong burst into tears.

 

 “DO YOU HATE ME THAT MUCH…? DO YOU REALLY WANT TO GET OUT OF MY LIFE THAT BAD…?!”

 

“SO WHAT…? I CAN’T SEE…I CAN’T SEE ANYMORE!!!!! AND I’M NOT WORTH OF YOUR LOVE; IS THAT IT…?! YOU’RE PERFECT AND BEAUTIFUL…BUT I CAN’T SEE THAT…I KNOW IT, JAEJOONG-AH…”

 

Jaejoong’s body trembled as he shook his head; eagerly just like Yunho can see it.

 

“I’m not perfect…I’m not beautiful…if you just let me die that day, Yunho-ah…” Jaejoong’s lips quivered.

 

“I don’t know how to live without having to blame myself…I was the reason that you’re no longer able to see…” Jaejoong slammed his wrist against the edge of the sink.

 

“…that day…”  The explosion flashed before his eyes.  He saw Yunho’s breathless body on the ground.

 

Jaejoong held his head in pain. He knocked his head on the wall multiple times to get rid of the pain. The flashback of the incident gushed into his head; torturing him. Jaejoong stood up forcefully and accidentally stepped on the glass pieces. He scrunched up his face as he’s feeling the pain. He lifted his foot and took out the glass piece; letting the blood oozing out freely. He saw his face in the mirror.

 

“Yunho-ah…you should just let me die that day…” The tears rolled down.

 

“These scars…will always remind me that I’m the one who put you in that condition right now…” Jaejoong stared at the scars at both of his wrist.

 

“I REALLY HATE MYSELF BECAUSE OF THIS” Jaejoong uttered with gritted teeth.

 

With shaking hand; Jaejoong moved the glass piece and pointed exactly on top of the scar. He pressed it deep into his skin till the blood became visible and with no expression showed; Jaejoong pulled it sideways. He repeated the action; slit his skin opened with the glass piece just like he was enjoyed doing that. He stopped when the blood spurting out. The glass piece then changed hand when he repeated the exactly same action to his other wrist.

 

“I’m not perfect…not even beautiful…” Jaejoong muffled within the flowing tears.

 

Jaejoong felt like his flesh of his skin is pulling apart. His vision’s becoming blurred. He called for Yunho’s name before his eyes dilated and fell onto the floor. The open tap kept on pouring out the water till it filled up the sink.

 

A drop of water fell on top of Jaejoong’s face and followed by another drop and another drop. Jaejoong’s both hands were covered with blood. The pool of blood created on the bathroom floor and later was disturbed by the overflowing water from the sink.

 

***************************************

Junki came out of his bedroom with an intention to check on Jaejoong’s condition. Jaejoong said that he will use the guest room instead for the night. Somehow he has this kind of thick bad feeling; telling him that Jaejoong is not okay. And because of that; he couldn’t sleep until he see that Jaejoong is okay.

 

At first he wanted to knock the door but afraid that it might wakes up the sleeping Jaejoong; he tried to open up the door silently. Thankfully; the door was left unlocked. Junki tip toed while entering the room but what he saw is the neat tidy bed. There is no trace that someone is occupied it. Junki twitched his eye brows as his heart beats rapidly. Just then he heard the sound of water coming out from the bathroom and he breathes in relieved when he saw the light from underneath the door. He waited for Jaejoong to come out and oddly the sound of water dropping seems has no end.

 

“Jaejoong-ah?!” He called. But he got no answer from the latter. Junki stepped closer to the bathroom and knocked the door and called for his name one again.

 

“I’m coming in…” He said and pushed the door lightly. The water came in touch with his feet and to his horror; he saw Jaejoong’s lying on the cold tiles passed out with the blood covering his body.

 

“Oh my god…! Oh My GOD JAEJOONG-AH!” Junki ran to get the unconscious Jaejoong.

 

“J…Jaejoongie?” He heard Yunho’s voice calling out for Jaejoong.

 

“YUNHO-AH! JAEJOONG!! JAEJOONG…HE!!!!!” Junki’s voice stuck at his throat.

 

“Junki hyung? What happened to him…” Yunho’s hand roamed in the dark to get to the bathroom.

 

“STAY THERE!!!” Junki warned him while picking up Jaejoong into his arm.

 

“There are glass pieces in here…you might hurt yourself…” Junki lifted Jaejoong’s wet body and came out.

 

“Jae…Jaejoongie…?” Yunho called nervously. He recognized the smell and he knew it clearly it was the blood.

 

“WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?!!” Yunho yelled.

 

“Yunho-ah…we have to hurry…he…I don’t know for how long he’s in this condition…”

 

“I SAID WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM HYUNG?!!!!!” Yunho stopped Junki’s body furiously.

 

“He..he cut his wrists…” Junki said almost inaudibly. He himself couldn’t believe it.

 

“Give me…give him to me…” Yunho’s hands flailed around.

 

“But…”

 

“GIVE HIM TO ME!!!!!!!!” Yunho screamed hysterically. Junki has no choice but to hand Jaejoong to Yunho. Yunho cradled Jaejoong inside his arm lovingly.

 

“Jae…baby…” Yunho kissed Jaejoong’s face in every part he can.

 

“Get the car…GET THE CAR HYUNG!!!!!” Junki ran outside to get the car leaving Yunho’s stumbling in the dark; carrying Jaejoong.

 

His legs tripped once but he stood up nonetheless. He fell once again when he bumped onto the wall. Shielding Jaejoong inside his arm; he stood up again.

 

“Jaejoong-ah…I’m sorry…I never meant what I said…” That’s what slipping out from his lips. The guilty washed over him and the tears escaped from his eyes.

 

He succeeds in getting out of the house and he ran desperately. Junki felt touched seeing the way Yunho reacts. For the first time ever; Yunho get out of the house and that’s because of his loved one.

 

***************************************

 Junsu came in running with Yoochun’s following from behind. His slowed his steps when he saw Yunho’s shirt smeared with the stains of blood. He’s sitting there on the bench looking lifeless. Changmin and Kibum arrived first before them.

 

“What happened…?” Junsu asked diverted Changmin and Kibum’s attention from the operation room’s door.

 

“Junki hyung said…he cut himself…” Changmin told on behalf of the rest.

 

“W…what? He…he would never do that…” Yoochun caught Junsu’s body from the back.

 

The light on the sign above the door came off as the doctors came out of the surgery room. Dr. Sungmin is among them. Changmin helped Yunho to stand up. Dr. Sungmin took a deep breath while looking at each one of them.

 

“We’re truly sorry…we did everything that we could to save him…now it’s up to him…even if he survived through the night; we couldn’t guarantee that he will be the same as before…” All of them listened to Dr.Sungmin’s explanation with hard feelings.

 

“What do you mean by that…?” Yunho snapped.

 

“We suspected that he’s mentally impaired…no one in his normal mind could ever do like what he did…like I used to say; it’s probably the effect after that incident…”

 

“He’s fine! You said he was okay…!!!” Junsu shouted at him.

 

“Apparently he was not…he’s just good at hiding it…I’m sorry…” Dr. Sungmin bowed apologetically at them and walked away.

 

“What’s the meaning of all this…? I thought he was okay…! No he was okay before!” Junsu couldn’t bear anymore.

 

“Hyung…?” Changmin called seeing Yunho’s turning away. But Yunho didn’t respond.

 

“Hyung…where are you going…” Changmin called again.

 

“I want to meet him…” Yunho whispered under his breath.

 

“I want to ask for his forgiveness…” Yunho said again.

 

“Hyung…” Changmin rushed to him and grabbed Yunho’s shoulder.

 

“Hyung…we’re not allowed to me him yet…”  

 

“I don’t deserve to love him…what should I do; Changmin-ah…If I can exchange place with him…” Changmin look at the rest behind them.

 

*Yunho’s POV

 

I was so stupid…I let anger controls me Jaejoongie…I’m sorry…but if you leave me…what should I do? What should I do if you’re not here with me…? I don’t mean to doubt you…because I love you too much that I don’t see how you feels…what should I do now…? I’ll beg on my knees if I have too; but don’t you dare leaving me alone here; Jaejoongie…

 

***************************************

Purplezest > thanks...sorry for the late update...hope you're still with me...huhuhu...thanks for reading!

nigyu07 > well...i won't say that you're wrong...but we'll see...here is the update..thanks for reading ^_~

NguyeNatashax3 > oh thanks a lot...continue reading okay...here is the update...thanks fo reading...

byul_mi > that question...hurm probably will be answered after this...thanks for reading...

soyoung > oh really...? thanks you...and you're and awesome reader too...stay with me and i'll reveal the answer bit by bit...thanks for reading...!

catzchii > yeah...and i know i was soo late in doing so...mian3x...and here is another update dearie...thanks for reading!

 

THANKS FOR READING AND COMMENTS ARE LOVED!

LOVE YUNJAE, LOVE DBSK 5 FOREVER...!