Everything's Wrong

~Kibum POV~

Aigoo, filming went late again. At least I wouldn’t have filming until 4 tomorrow afternoon. I mean, it’s 3 AM now, get back to the apartment around 3:30, sleep until noon, possibly one. Wake up, get ready, and be at the set by 3 PM to be ready to film at 4. Two more days of filming, and this movie was done! Then I could maybe visit the Super Junior hyungs and Kyuhyun-ah...

Speaking of, he never answered my text last night! Or, yesterday afternoon...or whenever it was. I wonder why...he’s normally pretty good at answering. Ah, why am I worrying? He probably just had a performance and forgot to answer. I shook the thought from my head and threw my jacket on. It was gonna be a long drive back to the apartment, and I had to stay awake to drive myself there.

I had just reached the parking lot when I heard it. A voice I haven’t heard in over a year.

“Kim Kibum!” he called, and I turned abruptly to see Cho Kyuhyun, leaning against his convertible, his arms crossed. I blinked, thinking the darkness was playing with my eyes, but then he smiled and walked toward me. My eyes were wide as I saw him. He looked...tired.

“Kyuhyun-ah!” I exclaimed, hugging him, “How are you? How did you get here? What are you doing here?”

Kyuhyun smirked, “Um, I’m ok. I drove here. And I’m here to talk to you.”

I frowned, “You know, there’s such thing as a phone, right? You didn’t need to drive all the way here...and so late too! Why? You look so tired...” I was concerned for him. Even in the dimly lit parking lot, the bags under his eyes scared me.

Kyuhyun just waved his hand, “Aniyo, I’m fine. And I had to talk to you in person. It’s important.” I bit my lip, thinking. He looked tired and he sounded urgent. It must be important...

“Alright,” I said, “Follow my car. We’ll go to my apartment. You can crash there for the night.”

Kyuhyun smiled through his tired eyes, “Thanks, hyung.” I nodded and he went back to his car. I started mine and left the parking lot. I saw Kyuhyun in my rearview mirror and I drove carefully so that he could follow. We finally made it back to my apartment and parked in the underground garage. He parked right next to me and he got out with a backpack.

“Just the necessities,” he said when I glanced at it, “I won’t disturb you...”

I waved it off, “Kyuhyun-ah, you're always welcome. Don’t think you’re bothering me.” Kyuhyun smiled and I smiled back. We went up to my apartment and I went straight to the kitchen to make myself a late dinner...or early breakfast? I didn’t even know anymore...

“Make yourself at home, Kyuhyun-ah,” I said, smiling, “My home is your home.” Kyuhyun smiled faintly and nodded before sitting on the couch, awkwardly. I smiled at him from the small kitchenette, “Can I get you anything? Food, coffee, water?”

Kyuhyun shook his head, “Aniyo, I’m fine, thanks.” I nodded and put a frozen meal in the microwave for myself before sitting next to Kyuhyun.

“So, what’s so important that you drove all the way to Gangwon-do to talk to me?” I asked, smirking slightly. Kyuhyun sighed and looked at the ground.

“Kibum-hyung,” he said, softly, yet I could hear the urgency in his voice, “You need to come back. We need you back. Super Junior needs you.” To say I was stunned was an understatement. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t think, I was frozen. He came to ask for me to come back...in person.

“Kyuhyun-ah,” I said, trying to laugh and lighten the atmosphere, but failing, “You guys have been asking me that for the past year and a half. You know I can’t leave this movie...”

Kyuhyun sighed, “I know, but filming ends in two days, right? You can come back for our next album!”

I sighed. After this, I had a drama to film. It was a huge deal and could really boost my acting career.

“Kyuhyun-ah,” I sighed, “I can’t. I have a drama coming up. I’m the lead character!”

“Can’t you push it back?” Kyuhyun asked, almost pleaded.

I shook my head, “I’ve already pushed it back three months to finish this movie. I can’t push it back any further, Kyu.” Kyuhyun looked down, and I could see the sadness in his eyes. “What’s with the sudden urgency, Kyuhyun-ah? Why would you come all this way to ask me to come back?”

He continued looking down, and I felt guilty. He looked so sad and tired. I couldn’t bear to see him like this.

“Hyung,” he said, “Nothing’s the same anymore. Ever since you and Hankyung and Kangin left...everything’s been wrong. Super Junior isn’t Super Junior anymore. We aren’t a family.”

I sighed, so he missed me? And Hankyung and Kangin? I had to admit, I missed him too, as well as the others in Super Junior. But, I loved acting. How could I just let it go like that because he missed me?

“Kyu, I’m sure everything’s just fine,” I said, patting his back, “You’re just over reacting-“

“I’m not over reacting!” he shouted suddenly, slapping my hand away and standing up. I stared up at him, stunned. He glared down at me, and I could see the unshed tears in his eyes.

“Nothing’s right!” he continued to yell, “The hyungs aren’t my hyungs anymore! All they do is fight! And when they don’t fight, they don’t even speak! Every word that comes out of their mouths is nasty and bitter! Every action they do is mean in some way! All they do is eat, sleep, and fight! Even during performances!” I continued to stare at him. What was going on? Was Super Junior really this bad?

“It all started when you left!” he shouted, pointing his finger at me, “You brought the tension into the group! When you left, everyone was on edge! And then Kangin announced his military enrollment, and everything became tenser! A fight would break out occasionally! Hankyung pushed them over the edge to the point where fighting was normal!

“And finally Kangin left, and the silence came! Nothing is right! And the worst part? I’m the only one who sees it! I’m the only one who sees Super Junior falling to pieces! I’m the only one who has a clear mind here! I’m the only one who sees Super Junior being no more by the end of the year!” He stopped his shouting and I just stared at him. From what I was hearing, the hyungs were not doing well at all. What was going on with them? Why were they acting like this? Why were they fighting? Because the group was down three members? I would be there once I got a chance, and Kangin’s army enlistment ends in a year and a half...but Hankyung. He might never come back...

There was silence between us except for the microwave beeping, signaling my dinner was cooked. Kyuhyun slowly sat back down and I kept my eyes on him the entire time. He held his face in his hands and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said, though I still heard the anger in his voice, “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m just so...frustrated. Everything I do to try and make them happy fails. Leeteuk is depressed, Heechul is mean, Yesung is silent, Shindong is starving himself, Sungmin is sleeping all the time, Eunhyuk won’t dance, Donghae is sulking, Siwon is lazy, and Ryeowook is just boring. Nobody is right and everyone is on edge. Even on stage!” He looked up at me and I saw his eyes were red and tears were already falling down his cheeks.

“You know I wouldn’t come to you if it wasn’t important, Kibum,” he said, desperately, “If you don’t come back for the next album, then there won’t be a next album.” I continued to stare at him, thinking. What could I do? I had already been cast in this drama! I can’t back out now!

But...Super Junior needed me. They needed everyone. I could see the desperation in Kyuhyun’s eyes. But, what was more important? Acting or Super Junior?

“It doesn’t have to be forever,” Kyuhyun said suddenly, “Just one more album. All of us, together. One more Super Junior album with all 15 of us. That’s all we need. For the fans...for us. A goodbye album.”

“Kyuhyun-ah,” I said, soothingly, “Super Junior won’t disband.”

He scoffed, “You don’t see what I see everyday, Kibum-ah. Watch our Bonamana Goodbye Stage. Watch the choreography carefully. You may not know this specific dance, but you know our group. You’ll see the difference.” He then stood up with his backpack.

“I’m tired,” he said, “Where can I sleep?”

I pointed down the hall, “Spare bedroom. First door on the left.” He nodded and started heading that way.

“Oh, and Kibum-ah,” he said, turning around, “I have a flight to China in three days. You have until then to decide.” And with that, he went into the bedroom and shut the door. I sighed and stood up, going to the kitchen and taking my dinner out. It had cooled sufficiently by now, so I didn’t have to worry about it being too hot. I removed the plastic wrapper and grabbed chopsticks to start eating. I sat at the table and began picking at the rice.

What should I do? What could I do? This drama was important for my career...I couldn’t just leave it! But then, Super Junior has been there for me through everything. I couldn’t let them suffer like this! And I certainly couldn’t let them disband...

‘But what does it matter?’ another part of me said. I wasn’t a part of Super Junior anymore. I was Kim Kibum, the actor. Not Super Junior’s Kim Kibum. And, in some way, that hurt. It hurt that Super Junior was no longer in front of my name. It hurt watching Super Junior on stage without me. That’s why I never watched...

Speaking of on stage, Kyuhyun told me to watch their last performance. I got up and went to my laptop on the kitchen counter. I turned it on and opened the internet. I found the last performance online, posted just an hour ago. I clicked on it and it loaded. While I was watching, I paid close attention to the chorography. I didn’t see anything wrong with it, but that didn’t mean anything. The choreography could not actually be that and they could have improvised. Instead, I watched it again and watched each member, individually. That was when I saw it.

Shindong cutting Heechul off, and Heechul retaliating by hitting him. Ryeowook tripping Sungmin, and Sungmin stopping short so Ryeowook ran into his back. Even other things like Leeteuk glaring at Yesung, and Donghae refusing to follow Eunhyuk. It was all there, how did nobody see this? I watched the performance ten times to watch each member individually. I could feel the tension between each of them, and it wasn’t good.

And then there was Kyuhyun, glancing at his hyungs almost desperately. I could clearly see the message he was trying to convey to him, one that they either did not notice while being absorbed with their own activities or one they just blatantly ignored. Whichever one, he didn’t deserve not to be noticed by them.

I glanced at the bedroom Kyuhyun was occupying and sighed, shutting my computer. I had to go back. I may consider myself not a part of Super Junior anymore, but who am I kidding? The news clearly states ‘Super Junior member Kim Kibum to star in drama’. Leeteuk-hyung always says that there is and always will be 13 members in Super Junior. Who am I trying to fool? I am a part of Super Junior. Always have been and always will be.

Maybe saying that I wasn’t was an easier way for me to leave and start acting without being sad. Maybe it was a way for me to try to move on. And as much as it pained me, I learned to deal with it. But, listening to Kyuhyun, and remembering all the fun times we had...now I know. Super Junior needs me. And not just me, but Kangin and Hankyung too. And even Zhou Mi and Henry, since they are Super Junior too. We all are. After all, it’s exactly what the E.L.Fs say. Prom15e to 13elieve. And I promise to believe that Super Junior will be together again, the full 13. Hell, the full 15. And I will do whatever it takes to help Kyuhyun achieve that dream. I smiled as I cleaned up my dinner and went to my bedroom to get some much needed rest.

Watch out E.L.Fs, Kim Kibum of Super Junior is coming back.