I Can't

~Hankyung POV~

As I left the airport, I had this sinking feeling in my gut. A feeling as if...as if something was wrong. I pushed it away as I grabbed my bags and walked outside the airport. There, I searched for a certain car. I found it after a few minutes of searching and smiled as it drove up to where I was standing. My dad then got out and gave me a big hug.

“Welcome home, son,” he said, and I smiled. I missed him so much.

“Glad to be home, Dad,” I replied. He patted my shoulder and helped me put my bags in the trunk of the car. I shut the trunk door and got in the passenger seat. Dad then started the car and drove off, leaving the airport.

“How was your concert?” Dad asked me. Immediately, the memory of Kyuhyun and Kibum came to my mind, but I pushed it away. I smiled at him.

“It was great,” I said, “So many fans came to support me. They were all cheering my name and singing and dancing with me. It was so much fun.”

Dad smiled, “It sounds great. I’m so proud of you, Geng.” I smiled at him as we lapsed into a comfortable silence. I was still tired from the concert and the plane ride, so I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, deciding to nap for the rest of the drive home.

~***~

“So the song is called ‘My Logo’,” my manager explained to the director, “And we were thinking...” As he went into details about the possible music video idea, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and smiled as I saw the contact name. Kibum.

‘Hey, Hyung! How are you?’

I looked up quickly and saw my manager and the director absorbed in discussing details, so I looked down and quickly typed a response.

‘Pretty good. Stressed over this lawsuit, but I’m feeling good. Working on my new music video now ^_^’

‘Wow, that’s awesome, Hyung! I’m so happy for you ^_^’

‘Thanks, Kibum-ah. How are you? Still filming your movie?’

‘Yeah. We still have a while to go, but I’m having fun so far. Though, this long hair is bothering me...I like it short T-T’

A smile graced my lips as I pictured Kibum with long hair. It didn’t fit with me...

‘You need to send me a pic of you with long hair. I can’t picture it keke’

I sent the text, but he didn’t reply. I barely listened to the plans for my music video, too focused on why Kibum wasn’t answering. Maybe he got pulled away for filming?

“...Han Geng!” I heard my manager yell, and I snapped my head up.

“Hm?” I asked, not paying attention. He narrowed his eyes at me.

“Were you listening?”

I quickly nodded my head, “Oh, yes. It sounds great.” My manager kept his suspicious glare on me, but the director smiled brightly.

“Great! We’ll start filming in three days,” the director said. I nodded my head as he stood up, bowing. I returned the bow and my manager did as well. We then left the meeting room and went back to the van. I felt my phone vibrate, and I jerked it out of my pocket in a rush to see if it was Kibum. I accidently dropped it in my haste. My manager picked it up and saw the contact name.

“Kibum?” he asked, “As in Super Junior’s Kibum?”

Busted.

“Uh, Sun Le...” I muttered, not knowing what to say. He tightened his grip around my phone and frowned.

“You know you shouldn’t be in contact with them, Han Geng,” he told me, calmly. I sighed.

“I miss them,” I said, looking down. Sun Le sighed.

“I know you do,” he said, “And if I could, I would fly you to Korea right now to see them. I care about you, Geng. And that is why you need to stop contacting them. At least until this lawsuit is finished. It’s for the best.”

I nodded. Sun Le really did care, and I know he just wants what’s best for me.

“And besides,” Sun Le said, looking at my phone, “It seems as if I’m not the only one wanting this...” He handed me my phone and I read the text.

‘This is Kibum’s manager. Please stop contacting him. He is too busy for these matters. This is a warning.’

I sighed and slipped the phone back into my pocket.

“Let’s just go,” I said, walking to the van as Sun Le followed.

“Han Geng,” he said as we sat in the van, “I’m really sorry.”

I looked out the window and sighed, “Me too.”

~***~

“Geng!” I felt someone shaking my shoulder. I opened my eyes and turned my head to see Dad smiling at me.

“We’re home,” he said. I smiled back and looked out the window to see my home. It hasn’t changed...and I liked that. I quickly unbuckled my seatbelt, got out of the car, and ran for the front door. I wanted to see someone...

“Mom!” I called, running through the door. She poked her head out from the kitchen and smiled brightly.

“Geng!” she exclaimed, embracing me tightly, “Oh, I missed you! Look at you! You’re so handsome! You look so skinny though. I’m making your favorite!” I grinned.

“Anything you cook will be my favorite, Mom,” I said, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she said, “Where is your father?” The door opened then and Dad walked in, carrying my bags...my bags!

“Oh, sorry, Dad,” I said, running to help him, “Let me help.”

He chuckled, “It’s ok, Geng. Where should I put them?”

I took one of the heavy bags from him, “Well, I would like to unpack sooner rather then later...”

“Oh, go unpack,” Mom said, pushing me toward my room, “Dinner should be ready in about an hour. Go go, your father will help me.”

“Ok,” I said as I went to my room. Dad followed with my other bags. I walked down the hallway, smiling. However, that smile disappeared once I opened the door to my room.

I still kept them. Everything I had of them. Their pictures, their albums, everything. I put my bags down and looked around. Dad followed me inside and smiled.

“We kept it exactly the way you left it,” he said, “I’ll leave you alone to unpack.” He patted my back before leaving the room. I smiled softly as he left and turned back to all the belongings in my room. It was all there, just like it was when I first came here after leaving Korea. I grabbed the picture frame that held my most treasured picture. The one of all fifteen of us, in the dorm, laughing and having a great time.

This is what Kyuhyun wants. What’s in this photo is Kyuhyun’s dream. I felt tears fall as I remembered taking the photo. Our manager took it for us as we were relaxing together. I let the photo drop by my side as I tried to control my emotions, but I couldn’t.

I miss them. I want to go back.

But I can’t.