Out Of Control

~Leeteuk POV~

“Teukie-hyung,” Shindong called me, and I opened my eyes and sat up on my bed. I glanced at the clock and saw that the time was 3:30 AM.

“What’s wrong, Shindong-ah?” I asked, tiredly.

“Heechul-hyung’s home,” he replied.

“And?” I asked, lying back down. What’s wrong with Heechul coming home?

“He’s drunk.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Heechul...

I got off the bed and walked passed Shindong into the living room. And there he was, supported by Donghae and looking horrible.

“Heechul-ah,” I said, no emotion in my voice. I didn’t have the energy for this.

Heechul looked up at me and plastered a drunken smile onto his face.

“Heyy, Hyung,” he slurred, “Wasup? Shouldn’t you be sleeepping?”

I frowned, “How can I when you’re out getting drunk? Really, Heechul? We have a performance tomorrow...actually, today. What were you thinking?”

Heechul threw his head back and let out a drunken laugh. He left Donghae’s support, stumbled over to me, and poked my chest.

“Does it even matter anymore?” he asked, his words slurring together, “We’re not even Sluper Junior anymore!”

Sluper? Wow, he was wasted.

But he was also right. It had been a week since I spoke with Kyuhyun and things haven’t been getting better. Despite my efforts, and Sungmin’s efforts (he was sneaky, but I saw it), everyone remained stubborn. Honestly, I didn’t have any energy left anymore.

“You’re drunk, Heechul-ah,” I told him, pushing his words into the back of my mind for now, “Go get some sleep.” I put my hand on his shoulder to help, but he slapped my hand away.

“Don’t touch me!” he shouted, still incoherent, “I have my own rights!”

“Hyung,” Donghae whispered.

“What’s going on?” someone asked, opening the door. I looked up and saw Eunhyuk and Sungmin walk in. Sungmin, not surprisingly, was fully dressed. He was trying to sneak out again...

“Heechul-ah had a fun night out,” I remarked, glaring at said drunk, “And now he won’t cooperate.”

“Who said I’m not copareting?” he asked, completely mispronouncing ‘cooperating’.

“I did,” I said, rolling my eyes, “If you won’t go to sleep, then explain to me. Why did you go out at such a late hour and get drunk when we have a performance in...6 hours?”

“Because I can,” Heechul slurred, “I don’t need to answer to you.”

“I’m in charge of this group, Heechul-ah,” I said, my eyes narrowing, “And I’m older than you. So you do need to answer to me.”

Heechul scoffed, “Nine days, big deal. And if you’re in charge, you’re doing a y job at it. How many members are we down?”

I glared at him and could feel the tension rise in the room.

“Everyone out,” I whispered, clearly.

“Hyung,” Eunhyuk said.

“Out! Sungmin-ah, go to my room! I’ll talk to you in a minute,” I said. No way was he going to sneak out. I wouldn’t allow it.

Everyone scurried out of the room and Sungmin went to my room with his head lowered. I’d deal with him later. Right now, I had another problem...

“Heechul-ah,” I said, sitting on the couch, “Sit.”

Heechul glared at me, not moving. I leaned back and patted the seat next to me. “Sit down, Heechul.” Heechul stayed still for another second before he made his way to the couch, stumbling over his two feet and falling onto the couch. I just watched him.

“Yeah, go ahead and say it,” Heechul said, softly, “I’m a pathetic loser. I don’t deserve to be the leader of this group. I can’t even keep track of our maknae...”

“Heechul-ah,” I muttered. I didn’t want him to keep going...he didn’t deserve this...

“I lost him, Teukie-hyung,” he slurred, burying his face into the couch, “I lost Kyuhyun-ah. Our maknae. It’s all my fault...”

“Heechul-ah.”

“He would still be here if I had found out where he was going...”

“Heechul-ah.”

“It’s all my fault-“

“Heechul! Stop!” I screamed, making him look up from the couch. His eyes were puffy and red. Whether it was his drunken state or him crying, I couldn’t tell. Either way, he didn’t look well.

“Stop, please,” I whispered, leaning forward and putting my face in my hands, “It’s not your fault.”

“But-“

“I spoke to Kyuhyun-ah,” I confessed, and his eyes widened.

“You did?!” he exclaimed, jumping to his feet only to fall on the floor in his drunken state, “When? Where is he? Is he ok? What’s he doing?” He managed to crawl his way back to the couch while he was speaking and I sighed. I shouldn’t really be telling this to anyone...but chances were he wouldn’t remember this after tonight anyway...

“Just last week,” I explained, “He called Sungmin-ah, and I managed to catch him right when he called. We didn’t talk for long, but he did say something.”

“What?” Heechul asked.

“He helped me realize something,” I told him, smiling slightly, “I shouldn’t be yelling at you, Heechul-ah. It’s not your fault. It’s all mine. I’m sorry.” I got on the floor and bowed to him. After all that I’ve put Heechul through, he didn’t deserve all this pain. He didn’t deserve the guilt. I did.

“Hyung,” I heard him slur quietly. I remained in my bow, closing my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Heechul-ah,” I murmured, “You’re going to make a great leader when I’m in the military. You truly are.”

“...No, I won’t.”

“Heechul-ah,” I said, looking up to see him staring off into the direction of the bedrooms. He looked...broken.

“I won’t be able to be the leader, Hyung,” he whispered, his words still jumbled together slightly.

“What do you mean, Heechul-ah?” I asked him. He put his hand on my shoulders and pushed me up into a straight sitting position. He smiled sadly.

“You decided to enter the military in 2011, right?” Heechul asked, and I nodded. He smiled, “I’ll be leaving at the end of the year.”

My eyes widened. He...was leaving before me? He wouldn’t stay?

“Heechul-ah...”

“I’ve made my decision,” he murmured, “I’m going to register in September. Once ‘No Other’ promotions are over.”

“But-“

“Don’t try to change my mind, Hyung,” he interrupted, “I need to do this.” I looked down at the floor. So, we already lost Hankyung. Kibum was on a leave for who knows how long, Kangin wouldn’t return until April, 2012. And with Kyuhyun missing...we’d be down to eight members. And with Siwon getting more into acting...who knows how long he’ll stay around for.

I felt tears come to my eyes at the thought of Heechul leaving. Another member...gone. Just like that. As if nothing is wrong. No, because nothing is wrong. Because everything is fine and has always been fine. That’s what everyone has been saying...

“Hyung,” Heechul whispered, looking at me. Who wouldn’t? I was pathetic. I couldn’t even keep a group together. I couldn’t keep Super Junior running.

“Hyung,” Heechul said again, “Are you ok?”

I felt his hands on my back, comforting me. But it only made it worse. I couldn’t hold back anymore. Everything I was feeling exploded out of me and the tears wouldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried. I heard the broken sobs coming from my chest, but I couldn’t control them. I couldn’t control anything anymore. Everything was out of control...

~Sungmin POV~

Teukie and Heechul sure were taking a long time out there. I was pacing Leeteuk’s room, wondering how I’m going to sneak away. I have no idea where Kyuhyun is right now, or who he’s gotten through to yet. Maybe he got Kibum? I had no idea. All I knew was that I needed to get to him.

So, maybe Leeteuk and Heechul went somewhere? I don’t hear them shouting at each other, which was what they would normally be doing. I opened the door quietly and stuck my head out. I still didn’t hear anything. I walked down the hall, but stopped and attached myself to the wall when I heard someone crying. I peeked out and saw Leeteuk-hyung and Heechul-hyung sitting on the floor by the couch. Leeteuk was leaning against the couch and it looked like he was the one crying.

“Hyung,” Heechul slurred, “Are you ok?”

Leeteuk was silent for a second as Heechul comforted him. He then shook his head.

“No, Heechul-ah,” he managed to say in between his sobs, “No, nothing’s ok. Everything’s out of control.”

I felt my heart clench at the sight. Teukie-hyung, our leader, our stable rock. I had never seen him like this before. He looked like he had nothing left to live for...like a broken man with no hope. I walked back to his room and shut the door, sitting on the bed.

I couldn’t leave them like this. I thought Teukie-hyung would be able to handle it, but he’s in worse shape than anyone else in this dorm.

Sorry, Kyuhyun-ah. Looks like I can’t help you...please hurry...