Halloween was approaching fairly quickly. Jackson was stuck inside, only sleeping and doing little activities like playing on a ps or trying to play some stupid boardgame with me. I spent most of my time at his place, doing whatever he was doing. Mostly that was just him laying on his bed, drifting in and out of sleep. However I did join him on his naps, which sometimes lasted for hours and hours, until I had to just leave without saying anything. Whenever I couldn't sleep, I just traveled my fingers on Jackson's skin and admired him as he slept. I had to look at him as much as I could now, since our time together would eventually be painfully short. I ran my fingers through his black, weak hair and caressed his face like he had been the world's most fragile creature. Sometimes Jackson woke up to my touches and intertwined our fingers, only to fall asleep few minutes later. I always wrestled my hands free and continued caressing his smooth skin. At times, I wondered if that was my brain subconsciously checking if his skin was warm and soft, not cold and stiff. Every time that thought crossed my mind, I couldn't help but wake Jackson up.

I took his hand in mine and raised it, trying to reach the ceiling with our intertwined fingers. Jackson let out a quiet sigh and stretched out his tired body. I snuggled closer to him, letting our hands fall gently. Jackson responded to my sign of affection with a low chuckle, and wrapped his arms tightly around me.

”Hey”, he murmured and cleared his throat right after. I hid my face against his warm chest and took a deep breath. His scent had changed slightly since our first encounter. It wasn't the husky cologne anymore that he used to wear every time he exited the house – to be honest, I couldn't really tell what he smelled like anymore. It was like when you sniffed your own clothes and couldn't really pick up the scent; it was the same with Jackson. I was always so close to him that we had our own scent now, it was a mix of us both. A musky scent with a tint of raspberry. 

”Hey.”

”You woke me up.” Jackson didn't sound annoyed or exhausted. He actually sounded well rested and happy for once. ”Am I not entertaining enough?”

”As much as I like to watch you sleeping, I do prefer you awake”, I said softly, trailing my finger across his chest. ”Although you do look surprisingly cute when you're unconscious.”

Jackson giggled lightly and tapped my head. ”So do you. I'm not surprised though.” He bettered his position beneath me – I had probably pushed a sore spot on his body. I sat up immediately, my eyes wandering aroung his torso, trying to look for an aching spot. If he did have any, he was damn good at hiding it.

”Where does it hurt?” My eyes were most likely wide open from concern. I could see it from Jackson's expression.

”You don't have to be so tender with me...” he sighed and pulled me down with him. ”I'm not that fragile.”

”Yes you are, Jackson”, I said and launched back up. His expression was surprised. He wasn't used to me talking back at him when it came to his condition. ”You're in bad shape.”

Jackson just stared at me, face blank without emotions. ”I don't need you to tell me that.”

I refused to break eyecontact, so I stared back at him. When I didn't have a comeback, he continued.

”Miranda you're the only person that makes me feel somewhat normal. Don't take that away from me.” Jackson's eyes drifted away from me, to stare at the door. I felt my heart throb. He was right. That was the reason he liked to be with me in the first place. I was the right person for him, in this. In all this misery. Jackson bit his lip and sighed. ”I know the facts. Just, please pretend like you don't know them.”

I swallowed. Maybe that was the problem. I couldn't pretend anymore. Jackson was now a big part of my life, and I didn't have strenght to lie to myself any longer. I couldn't pretend like he wasn't dying anymore. I had become like everyone around him. Like Mark. I thought I knew what was best for him, when in fact Jackson was the only person who actually knew that. Jackson still wasn't looking at me. My head dropped. I couldn't help him.

We stayed there for a long time, maybe half an hour. Jackson was staring at the ceiling, with his arm resting on his forehead. I was sitting next to him, examining my palms restlessly. It was the exact moment I had been afraid of. I was hurting him, more than the sickness was hurting his body. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't pretend anymore.

”Jackson...” I whispered, still looking at my hands. ”Jackson I c-can't do it...”

Even though I couldn't look at him, I could feel his body tense next to me on the bed.

”God... I can't-” I bit my lip to get rid of the nauseous feeling in my head.

”N-no, no, no-” Jackson started stuttering, but I shot him a terrified look and his mouth closed immediately. He had thought I was abandoning him. I shook my head fiercely.

”Oh my god! No, I'm not leaving you-” I threw my arms around his neck, which made him yelp, but I ignored it and squeezed him in my embrace. Jackson's heart was pounding against my chest like a frightened bird. His hands found my back and settled there, shaking uncontrollably. ”-I just can't pretend like you're okay... you're not, you're gonna leave me and I'm gonna be alone- I want you to stop pretending! We don't have much time, that's the truth!” I yelled the last words against his shirt.

Jackson was quiet for a long time. <