Jackson came to pick me up every morning. He would appear in front of my house a little after seven so he could eat breakfast with me. It felt strange. Jackson seemed to be completely comfortable with me but I didn't feel the same. It was like Jackson had said earlier; I wasn't present. I was somewhere else in my head.

He didn't try to kiss me either. There were moments when he would stand really close and glance at my lips but he never made a move, which I appreciated more than anything. He showed his affection by letting his hand rest on my thigh or sitting very close to me, but that was it. That was all he needed.

Friday night I dreamed about Jiho. I woke up in the middle of the night, sweaty, screaming for his name like he would somehow appear and hold me until I fell asleep again. But he didn't appear. I didn't see him at school either. It was like he had disappeared once and for all.

Saturday came quicker than I had expected. I was both excited and terrified of what would happen at the party. I wanted to have fun with everyone, but at the same time I felt like I would be betraying Jiho. I felt like I wasn't allowed to have fun after all I had done to him. My heart was telling me to skip the party and go see Jiho, but my mind told me to go and have fun. I had never had a problem this big.

Eventually, my mind beat my heart and I decided to go.

I wasn't allowed to go to Bambam's house before seven, so I just waited home until it was time for me to leave. I had packed everything I needed (bikinis, change clothes, toothbrush, hygiene kit, makeup etc.) in a small black leather backpack I had gotten from mom as my seventeeth birthday present.

Before leaving the house, I quickly checked myself out from the mirror. I had found a pretty white dress from the bottom of my closet and I matched it with a blue denim jacket I had found from mom's dressing room. To be honest I looked pretty good. Better than I had looked in ages. My hair was a mess though. I thought that since we were going to swim and get soaked, there would be no point in doing my hair, so I just brushed it and let it frame my face. Makeup was also useless in a pool party. The only cosmethic thing I had used was my perfume.

After accepting my looks, I headed outside. Eunmi was waiting for me in her car, in front of my house. She wasn't wearing any makeup either, and from what I could see, she was also wearing a dress. I walked my way to her car and opened the door.

”Woah you look pretty!” Eunmi yelled and pointed at my dress. ”Your dress is adorable! Where did you buy it?”

”I found it from the bottom of my closet”, I chuckled. ”But thank you.”

Eunmi glanced at me from the corner of her eyes. ”Are you sure you want to go? I'm sure Bambam would understand if we-”

”I'm sure!” I said raising my voice a little. ”I want to go.”

”Okay”, Eunmi said cautiously. ”Buckle up then.”

I fastened my seatbelt and turned my head to glare at Eunmi, who hadn't even started the car. ”Now what?”

”Now give me a smile”, she insisted with a smug grin.

I rolled my eyes but forced out a white toothed smile.

”Okay”, Eunmi sighed. ”Now we can go.”

”Can I stop smiling now?”

”No. If you stop, I'll take you straight back home.”

”What if I pull a muscle?” I asked tilting my head. My left cheek was already starting to hurt.

Eunmi let out a frustrated sound. ”You won't. Now sit back and take it easy. You're gonna have fun, I promise.”

I did as I was told and leaned my forehead against the window. Eunmi kept changing the radio station and I kept thinking about Jiho. I knew I shouldn't have thought about him, but I couldn't stop my mind doing so. He was literally all I could think of.

After a good fifteen minutes of driving, we arrived to Bambam's place. His house was like a mansion. It had huge windows that started from the ground and reached the part where the roof started.

”Wow, seems like you caught yourself a jackpot”, I chuckled and nudged Eunmi's arm.

She smiled softly and nodded. ”Yeah. Bambam's a treasure.”

”He's amazing”, I admitted as I stepped out of the car. ”No one has ever thrown a party for me.”

”Really?” Eunmi asked curiously and took a few running steps to catch me up. ”I thought you were a popular girl.”

”Yeah”, I mumbled. ”I guess it was all fake. All the friends I had and all the attention I got. Geez my life used to be shallow!”

Eunmi locked our arms together. ”Forget about your past. Let's focus on the present, alright? We're gonna have fun tonight! We're not fake, we really, truly care about you.”

I stared at Eunmi. I should've felt something, joy, happiness, all that stuff, but I didn't feel anything. Eunmi's words disappeared after she had spoken them. There was something seriously wrong with me. ”And I care about you.”

Eunmi frowned. She noticed that I was a bit out of it, but didn't let it bring the atmosphere down. ”Now give me that smile.”

I once again flashed her my fake grin.

We stopped on the front porch and rang the doorbell. It was already getting dark, so the front yard was lit with beautiful vintage lanterns.

”What if they're drunk already?” Eunmi whispered staring at the door handle anxiously.

I imagined Bambam drunk. It made me smile sincerely. Bambam would either be the sweetest drunken person, or the most annoying one. There would be no between. ”I hope so.”

Eunmi shot me a scared glare. ”Yah! Why would you hope so?”

I giggled. ”I want to see how different they are when they're drunk.”

Suddenly the door swung open and we were greeted by a tipsy JB. ”Come on in!” he chuckled and tilted his head. ”No need to ring the bell, you're part of the team now!”

Eunmi was shaking from laughter. She glanced at me briefly. I knew what she was thinking. JB wasn't different. His personality was just highlighted.

When I stepped inside, I felt like stepping into a palace. The door lead to a gigantic lobby. I couldn't stop my jaw from dropping. I felt like I was in an old Hollywood movie. ”Wow. What do Bambam's parents do for living?”

”His father owns a business, that's all he told me”, Eunmi said, taking off her shoes. ”He's traveling all the time, so I guess it's an international business.”

I took my shoes off and ran across the lobby. I felt like a princess running in her own castle. ”This is incredible, I didn't know he lived in a castle!”

Eunmi giggled and threw her bag on the floor. Then she followed me across the room and jumped on my back. I couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud. We jumped around the lobby, excited about the huge house and the party that was about to start.

”Are you guys drunk too?” JB asked rubbing his neck. He was holding a beer can in his hand.

”Nope”, Eunmi said with a happy tone. ”Just happy to be here.”

I blinked. Eunmi said it. I was happy to be there with her. And I hadn't even realized it. JB nodded and pointed towards the back door. ”Everyone else is at the pool. Mark hasn't shown up yet. He said he needed to meet up with someone first.”

Eunmi flashed JB a wide smile. ”Can I have something to drink?”

”Of course, I'll bring you drinks, just go to the pool”, JB said and disappeared from the lobby. Eunmi shrugged and grabbed my hand.

”You heard him. Let's go.”

The first person that noticed us was Bambam. He was way more drunk than JB.

”MY LOVE!” he screamed and attacked Eunmi with a bear hug. ”GOD I MISSED SEEING YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE!”

Eunmi hid her face against Bambam's neck. I had to look away. Just seeing them being so... well... in love made my heart ache.

”You're drunk”, Eunmi chuckled against Bambam's skin. Okay. I couldn't look away, they were so damn cute together.

”OF COURSE I AM-”

”Stop yelling! We can hear you”, Eunmi raised her voice but still looked at Bambam with her eyes glittering.

A loud sound of water splashing managed to get my attention away from the lovebirds. I glanced at the pool and saw two tall dark haired figures appearing on the surface.

”YAH! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!” the other one growled and attacked the shorter one. Then a loud contagious laughter filled the air and made everyone else giggle.

”Somebody save Youngjae”, I heard Yugyeom chuckle next to me. He offered me a drink. ”JB told me to give this to you.”

”Thanks”, I said and took the drink. It looked and smelled like a long drink.

”No worries”, he said with a wide grin. ”Happy late birthday noona!”

I cringed and shook my fist at him. ”One more birthday wish and I'll throw you into that pool.” I was surprised how comfortable I felt. I hadn't talked to Yugyeom for ages and now I felt like we were... friends?

The younger one giggled and shook his hoodie off. It fell on the ground. ”I'm going there anyways.”

Then someone pushed him from behind and he fell in the pool. I started laughing so loud that my stomach hurt. JB fell on his knees, he was laughing his lungs out. ”Oops! Didn't see you there!” he managed to pant out.

Yugyeom wiped his hair off of his face and shot JB a death glare. ”YOU BRAT!”

”YAH!” JB yelled back at him. ”Is that how you speak to your hyung!”

In a blink, JB was also in the pool.

I hadn't even taken my first sip of the drink, and the atmosphere was already something else. I turned to Eunmi but she was busy making out with Bambam.

”Get a room!” I yelled and both of the lovebirds snapped out of their lovey-dovey-world. Eunmi's face lit up like a christmas tree.

”W-we were just-”

Bambam interrupted her with a wet kiss. Then he turned to me and smiled heartwarmingly. ”I just can't stop kissing her.”

”I see”, I said nodding my head. It was almost impossible not to burst into a laughter. ”Maybe you two should actually get a room?”

Eunmi pushed Bambam away and wiped her lips. ”No, we're fine.”

Bambam wrapped his arm around her waist and leaned his head against her shoulder. ”I'm not.”

”Yes you are”, Eunmi said nudging him with her elbow. ”Go get me a drink.”

”Ooo, bossy”, Bambam chuckled. ”I like it.”

Eunmi pushed Bambam inside. I couldn't stop laughing. I didn't know if Bambam was the sweetest drunken person, or the most annoying one. Eunmi's face made me laugh even harder. She just shook her head with a small grin hovering on her lips. ”He's drunk.”

”You think?” I chuckled raising my brows. Eunmi bursted into a laughter. She held her stomach and wiped her eyes.

”MIRANDA!” I felt two hands grab my shoulders. They spun me around and suddenly I was being hugged by a water dripping Jr. ”Aren't you going to change in bikinis?”

”I.. can't... breathe...” I gasped out of air. Eunmi decided to handle the situation.

”Jr! Can you go find Bambam?” she asked trying to sound worried. ”He's really drunk and I think he might need some help...”

Jr. nodded and let me go. Then he rushed inside after flashing me an excited smile. I gasped for air.

”Thanks.”

”No problem. He's a bit thirsty...” Eunmi chuckled rolling her eyes.

”You mean a ert”, I mumbled rubbing my neck. Then I took my first sip of alcohol. ”I need to get drunk.”

Eunmi sighed and glanced at the backdoor. ”Me too. I wonder if Bambam will find his way out of that house anymore.”

”Probably not”, I said with a smirk. It was crazy how good I felt. Just a few hours ago I was on the edge of depression and now I was completely comfortable. ”Should we change and go for a swim?”

Eunmi's face lightened up. ”You really do feel better, don't you?”

”Yeah, I feel... happy”, I said, still weirded out. I glanced at the pool and immediately froze. Even though I had seen Jackson alot lately, seeing him laugh and play with the other guys made my heart flutter. He seemed so... happy. And the fact that he wasn't wearing a shirt made it even harder to look away. Eunmi snorted and blocked my view.

”I'm happy that you're finally enjoying yourself”, she said with a smirk. My eyes widened.

”Yah! What's that supposed to mean?”

Eunmi giggled. ”Nothing! I'm just glad you found something nice to look at.”

”Come here and I'll show you something nice...” I hissed and grabbed Eunmi's hand. She yelped but didn't manage to wriggle her way out of my grip. She screamed for Bambam before falling into the pool with the guys. It was my turn to laugh my lungs out. JB, Youngjae and Yugyeom stopped to glare at me amusedly.

”Looks like she's enjoying herself”,