After my last lesson, I hid in the bathroom stall so that nobody could offer me a ride home or tell me that they needed to talk to me. All I needed was some time to just think. I pulled my knees up against my chest and leaned my head on top of them.
    I was sitting on a toilet seat, going through everything that had happened today. I couldn't understand why I still kept leading Jackson on. He deserved to know the truth, just like Jiho had deserved to know about me and Jackson. But for some reason I just couldn't do what had to be done. I wanted Jackson to be happy. He seemed to be so excited about the pool party and everything and I just couldn't ruin it all for him. This wasn't about me, and I knew Jiho would understand. But I wasn't sure if he would be very fond of my idea of keeping Jackson's hopes up at least until the pool party.
    I promised myself that I would tell everything to Jackson right after the party. I wanted to keep him happy as long as I could, but I didn't know what included in keeping him happy. Would I have to kiss him again? Because that couldn't happen. And I knew it wasn't right, but when I was with Jackson, it seemed like I completely lost myself and did stuff I didn't mean to do. Like back in the canteen I liked how he gently touched my thigh and how he intertwined our fingers. I couldn't deny it. I had feelings for him. But I had feelings for Jiho too and I couldn't have them both.
    With Jiho everything was easy. He made me laugh and with him I could be completely myself. He was my friend- no, he was my best friend, and he had forgiven me onc- twice already. My mind was fully on Jiho's side. He had been there for me when Jackson had made me miserable.
    That on its own made the whole situation ridiculous. Why would I even consider choosing Jackson when he had made me miserable?
    Jackson in the other hand was different. He was something new for me, something that I had never experienced before in my life. He couldn't hold back. Whatever he did or said, it was truly, 100% him. He was unpredictable and yes, he was dangerous on so many levels. I didn't even know him properly, but I knew all his biggest secrets. I knew his weaknesses and his fears. But I couldn't be myself with him. I had to watch my every word and move. He was somehow so fragile, but at the same time strong. He wasn't afraid to cry in my presence or to explain how he felt. In that way we were as close as Jiho and I. But I only knew Jackson's dark side. We were in the darkness together and Jiho was the light that tried to pull me towards him.
    And I wasn't sure if I wanted him to.

After mentally preparing myself to leave school, I took a taxi downtown. Again, my excuse was that I needed some time. I wanted to hang out with someone but I didn't really know who I could talk to. Talking to Eunmi felt like a good idea, but in the other hand, Bambam had been there for me the longest. I dialed his number and waited for him to answer.
    ”Annyeong!” Bambam's soft voice brought me immediately back to reality. I had been drifting off since going to that bathroom stall and I was already on very deep waters.
    ”Hey”, I replied trying not to sound like I had been screaming in my head for the past two hours. 
    ”Birthday girl!” Bambam yelled and I had to back off from the phone. ”Where did you disappear? Eunmi and I looked for you-”
    ”I needed some time to think.”
    ”Where exactly? You literally evaporated. Like a witch you know? Like puff, in the air”, Bambam jested. His voice sounded hilarious when he said puff.
    I rolled my eyes even though Bambam couldn't see it. He was obviously trying hard to cheer me up. ”I puffed myself to the bathroom stall.”
    ”I knew it.” He sounded pleased with himself. ”Eunmi said she didn't see you there.”
    ”That's why it's called hiding”, I explicated.
    Bambam chuckled. I was almost smiling. He knew how to make a girl smile. ”Where are you now?”
    ”I was thinking if you wanted to go for a coffee or something, I'm heading downtown”, I said.
    ”Yeah of course”, Bambam consented. ”I just missed my stop anyway. Thanks for disturbing me.”
    ”No problem”, I chuckled. I actually laughed, truly. It felt nice. ”Are you in a bus?”
    ”Yeah, how about we meet at the coffee shop where we talked for the first time?”
    I knitted my brows and tried to figure out which cafe he was talking about.