The next day I woke up on the living room floor. Jiho and I had talked the whole night and even the next morning, until we drifted to sleep, glancing into each others’ eyes. I sat up, stretching my sore limbs one at a time. The day had turned out to be rainy, as I had figured last night, sensing the dampness in the air. My hair was glued to my teary face and my makeup was like something out of a horror movie. I quietly stood up and tiptoed over Jiho’s sleeping body. He had slept his back towards me, hiding his face against the couch pillows. I didn’t blame him, I myself looked pretty horrendous too. Then I headed to the bathroom and freshened up a bit before changing into a comfy oversized tee.

Jiho woke up at noon. His phone had been going on nonstop while he’d been out, which was probably very normal, I assumed. I had managed to cook us some hangover food while he’d been fast asleep, remembering that he was indeed a heavy sleeper.

”Morning”, I said when he groaned and started stretching like I had done earlier. Jiho opened his eyes slightly, trying to adjust to the scene in front of him. I subconsciously pulled my teeshirt’s hem down.

Jiho first looked at the table filled with food, then at me. ”Hey.”

I couldn’t help but to smile. He was completely out of it. It was like he’d thought he had been dreaming, but now he was looking at me and it was all real, that we had actually met last night and talked for hours. I could see the transformation in his eyes, when he finally came to conclusion, that this was all really happening.

”I’m sorry I slept so late-”

”No, I didn’t want to wake you, sorry”, I cut him off. ”Think of this as a day off. You said you work like a maniac.”

Jiho blinked and nodded ever so slightly.

The curtain was yet again there, between us. We weren’t quite on the same platform, but we were heading towards it. Now that we were both sober and just in that moment, in pure daylight, it all felt pretty weird. It was like looking at a distant memory. And last night seemed like a hazy dream.

”Can I be brutally honest with you?” Jiho suddenly spoke up, as he got up from the floor. He looked like his back was really hurting from sleeping on the hard floor.

I didn’t think. Maybe I should’ve said no, you can’t be honest with me. Maybe I wanted him to lie and play it cool.

Jiho walked into the kitchen and leaned against one of the counters. Then he just stared at me for a good while, just examining my face and my features. He squinted his eyes and pushed himself off of the counter. For some reason I felt like I had lived that moment before. His hands reached for mine.

And I backed off.

Jiho shoot his eyes up at me. I couldn’t explain the look in them. And that intimidated me.

”It’s not fair…” I whispered.

”What isn’t?” Jiho asked quietly.

”This…” I raised my hand and ran it slowly across Jiho’s palm. He captured my hand and pressed it against his chest.

”You can’t live the rest of your life thinking like that”, he said. ”You can’t. Miranda you can’t.” His voice sent shivers down my spine. He was talking to my soul. ”I’m having a hard time believing this right now. That you’re there, and you’re real…”

I bit my lip. I didn’t want to do anything I would regret later. Also, I didn’t want to leave anything undone. I didn’t want to think back to this moment and regret the things I didn’t do, the risks I didn’t take and the opportunities that I let slip away from my fingers.

Jiho however opened his mouth again. The look on his face was intense and scared. ”I’ve been wanting to- to kiss you so badly since I saw you in that crowd but I don’t know if- are you okay with that- d-do you want to-” he stuttered, almost having a tiny panic attack from speaking the brutal truth.

There was a brief moment when we just stared at each other, slowly moving closer to one another. And that moment felt like a lifetime. It was like we were running towards each other from different ends of the universe. And when we were back there in that moment where we had once been one, skin against skin, soft lips colliding ever so slightly, I felt the agonising guilt. I felt like I was betraying him. I felt like I was betraying Jackson.

”I-I can’t-” I gaspe