The weather had just gotten worse while Jiho and I had been preparing ourselves for the day. All the trees were twitching in the wind and the thunder was even louder than before. The lights went off when Jiho and I walked downstairs. I jumped in the air after a loud thunder.
    ”God I hate thunder”, I mumbled as I gathered all the leftovers from yesterday on the table. Jiho looked into every shelf and cupboard, trying to find us glasses.
    ”You hate the thunder or you fear the thunder?” Jiho asked trying to get the truth out of me. I just shrugged and opened the right cabinet for him.
    ”Both I guess.”
    ”I thought you'd be tougher than that”, Jiho said disappointedly. I grabbed a dishcloth from the sink and swatted it against his neck. He just raised his shoulders up and wiped his neck to his shirt. ”So weak Miranda.”
    ”No, you're weak. And you're bringing me down with you.”
    ”Hm”, Jiho snorted. He did that every time he thought about something very deeply. So I decided to ask what he was thinking about.
    ”Everything”, he replied. We sat down and piled some leftovers to our plates. Jiho gulped down a huge glass of water. ”I'm wondering what you'll do when you see him.”
    He was talking about Jackson. I had no idea what I was going to do. I couldn't just ignore him after everything he had said to me and everything we had done. I felt like I was doing fine until someone brought up Jackson and I would drift off again. Jiho glanced at me cautiously.
    ”Have you done anything else with him?” he asked quietly.
    ”What do you mean?”
    Jiho took a bite of a rice ball. ”Have you kissed or anything... after that one night...”
    My tongue felt like a piece of sandpaper in my mouth. I wanted to say no. One little lie wouldn't matter, would it? If it spared Jiho from pain. I couldn't watch him and tell him that I had kissed someone else. ”I haven't kissed him...” I said telling him half of the truth. It hadn't been me who started the kiss.
    But Jiho could read my face like a book. He grabbed a spoon and swung it around in his fingers. ”But he has kissed you.”
    I stared at the rice balls in front of me.
    ”Aish...” Jiho grunted and squeezed the spoon in his fist. ”When?”
    ”Yesterday”, I said plainly. There was no point in hiding anything anymore. Jiho stood up squeezing the table with white knuckles. He looked like he was about to storm out of the house. But to my surprise, he slowly sat down and let go of the table.
    ”You should've told me yesterday”, he mumbled.
    ”I couldn't...” I breathed and pushed my plate away. I wasn't hungry anymore.
    Jiho held his head and tried to keep his mind clear. I couldn't watch him. I stood up and walked out of the kitchen. I walked out of the house, leaving Jiho inside alone. What was I thinking? I didn't even deserve him! All I did was cause him pain, and for what reason? Because I couldn't say no to Jackson? I heard a door slam behind me.
    ”Miranda...”
    I walked faster, not even knowing where I was going.
    A hand grabbed my wrist and swung me around so that I pumbed into something warm. It was Jiho's chest.
    ”Let me go! I can't do this without hurting you!” I yelled to his face. Jiho didn't even blink. He just sighed and cupped my face with his hands.
    ”I know”, he said. A loud thunder made me jump. Jiho pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. ”But you're worth all the pain.”
    We stood there for while, just listening to the thunder and the sound of the wind. I still couldn't believe this all was happening.
    ”Do you want to go to school alone or with me?” Jiho asked.
    ”Alone”, I mumbled.

The bus ride to school was a nightmare. I kept thinking about what to say to Jackson, but none of the ideas were good enough. I just simply couldn't tell him the truth. I would've been ready to do anything else than tell him the truth, but that way I would've lied to myself. And I wasn't going to lie to myself any longer.
    As I got out of the bus, I looked around to see any familiar faces. I could see Eunmi and Bambam walking hand in hand towards me. They looked happy together. Bambam was explaining something and Eunmi kept nodding her head. At that moment I felt a weird boiling jealousy towards their relationship. What had I done wrong to deserve all this? Why couldn't I be happy like Eunmi and Bambam were?
    ”Hi”, Eunmi greeted me with a smile. ”How was your morning?”
    For a moment I just stared at her with a shocked expression on my face. Then I realized that Eunmi couldn't possibly know about me and Jiho. ”It was alright”, I stuttered trying to hide my true feelings. ”How was yours?”
    ”Perfect”, she said and glanced at Bambam. I had a feeling that they had spent the night together. I didn't ask anything about it though. Bambam smiled at me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.
    ”Feeling better already?” he asked raising his brows. I had to bite my lip hard to keep a straight face.
    ”I'm feeling okay.”
    ”You sure? You look pretty pale.” Bambam swiped my forehead with his fingers. ”Your head is burning. Are you sure you're alright?”
    ”Yeah, I'm sure. Don't worry about it”, I said and picked up my pace. ”I think we should hurry, the class is going to start.”
    ”Since when did you have such a hurry on classes?” Eunmi asked raising a brow.    
    ”Since today. I heard dad talk about my grades”, I explained. I knew Bambam and Eunmi could sense the tension in me. They both eyed me from head to toes, trying to figure out what was bothering me. The bells rang and people started rushing inside.
    ”What did he say?” Bambam asked out of curiosity.
    ”I don't know ”, I mumbled absent-mindedly.
    ”Wow, you're really in your own world today aren't you?” Bambam chuckled.
    I smiled tensely and nodded. ”You could say so.” We stepped inside and Bambam gave Eunmi a quick kiss on her cheek. I just smiled and waved him goodbye. Then Eunmi and I walked to our lockers. Thank god I hadn't bumped into Jackson yet. I still needed to get my head straight. My mind was swimming in deep waters.
    ”Miranda”, Eunmi started cautiously. I turned to face her and tried to look as normal as possible.
    ”Yeah?”
    Eunmi touched my arm gently. ”You don't need to act around me.”
    I cleared my throat and swallowed. So she had noticed.
    ”Miranda, you can trust me. What's wrong?”
    I bit my lip and squeezed my notebooks against my chest. ”I can't talk about this right now.” My emotions were blocked behind a very thin wall and if I opened the door, everything would just swarm out. I shook my head repeatedly.
    ”Of course”, Eunmi said calmly. ”Just know that you don't have to keep it together with me. I'm here for you.”
    I looked up to her and she smiled comfortingly. Her whole gestalt was yelling the words ”trust me”.
    ”I know”, I mumbled and forced out a smile. Eunmi knitted her brows.
    ”No acting.”
    I let my face relax. I probably looked like I hadn't slept in weeks.
    ”That's better”, Eunmi said and closed her locker. ”Now what next?”
    ”We have music history class”, I said.
    ”Are you sure you're ready for this?” Eunmi asked. She looked a bit worried.
    I sighed. ”I guess.”
    ”Then let's go.” Eunmi wrapped her arm around me and lead me forward. I couldn't even count with my f