Things changed alot after my birthday. Jackson basically dropped out of school and I barely saw Jiho anymore. If I did, he just stared at me, sometimes smiled but never said anything. It made me miss him even more. Every time I saw him, he just reminded me of what I could've had. His distant smile said "you could've had this".

Mark had started bullying me with some of his not so close friends. He was extremely pissed that he had left when Jackson had needed him the most. He blamed me for "taking his place beside Jackson", which was not the case. I hadn't planned any of this. I had never meant anyone to get hurt or pushed away or get heartbroken. But that had happened. And there was no going back.

Even JB started avoiding me. He would look away every time our eyes met and whenever I tried to talk to him, he always came up with excuses why he couldn't talk. He either had to hurry to class or do homework or practise singing. Rest of the boys tried to act as normal as possible. Of course they were all weirded out by Mark and JB, but I kinda noticed that deep in their hearts they understood them. They understood why Mark hated me to guts and JB couldn't just handle me.    I visited Jackson in the hospital every day. His mom hated me as well (to be honest, most people hated me), but together with Jackson's dad, Jackson managed to persuade his mom to let me visit him. His parents would always be in the room when I visited him, so we never talked about anything very serious. I asked how he was doing and told him what was going on in school and he would tell me jokes and try to make me laugh. Then one day, two weeks after my birthday, Jackson's parents decided to leave me alone with Jackson. His dad had some kind of conference and his mom had to go take care of her sister's baby. I watched in silence as the door slowly closed and Jackson and I were left alone in the bleak room.   "Finally", Jackson grunted and bettered his position, so that he was sitting up. "I was afraid they would never leave."     "Yeah." I sat back on my chair and took a deep breath. I felt like I could finally breathe a little. For two weeks, I had felt like I was wearing a corset. Now that corset had loosened a little, but it was still there, suffocating me to death. Jackson sighed too.   "How're you really doing?" He asked lowering his voice, which I had started to actually like. He closed his eyes tight and opened them. He had started doing that because of his dry eyes.   I shrugged and looked at the door. "Okay I guess."   Jackson snorted. "You really think I'm buying that? Now seriously, are you ok?"   It was my turn to snort. "Well comparing to you I'm doing amazing."   Jackson giggled. "Good! Cause I'm doing pretty good."   "Stop lying", I breathed, leaning my elbows against my knees.   "What makes you think I'm lying?" Jackson reached out to grab my hand in his. "I got you. You keep coming here day after day and you sit there for hours just because of me. Do you have any idea how happy that makes me?"   The slightest smile crept on my lips.    Jackson's smile was wide. He opened his mouth and kept going. "This is as good as it gets. I bet I'm the luckiest cancer patient in the world."   "Yeah how lucky you are..." I mumbled sarcastically. "I wish we could switch parts."   "Huh?" Jackson jumped a little.   I sighed and squeezed his fingers. "I wish it could be the other way around. That I would be the one lying there..."    Jackson blinked and stared at me, his eyes wandering on my face. "Why would you say that..."   I bit my lip. How could it not be obvious to Jackson? How could I possibly keep living after he... when there wouldn't be us. Or him. It would be so much easier if I had been the one with cancer. It would've been best for everyone. "Because..." I mumbled and swallowed the lump in my throat. "Y-you need to get better Jackson..."   Jackson sighed, moved his body and made space next to him. "Come here."   I stared at his tired face for a while before standing up and snuggling next to him, with my head lying on his chest and my arm wrapped around his torso. He wrapped his arm around me tightly and pressed his lips against my head. I had forgotten how it felt to have someone so close, so the familiar heat made my cheeks go red and my palms sweat. I had never had that feeling before with Jackson. Only with Jiho.   "You just have to accept this", Jackson breathed into my hair. "You have to think it like... I was just a phase in your life."   I gently punched his shoulder.