Chapter 18: Cry

It’s my mom. She’s calling. I have to take this call or else I’ll be dead. I stood up.

“Hyung, I just need to take this call.” I said to Mark.

“Sure, I’ll just stay here.” he said.

I smiled at him and went a little far from Mark so he will not be able to hear our conversation.

I guess it will be a long conversation.

“Hello Mom” I said.

Mark’s place

Mark was just sitting there waiting for Rhianne. He looked at his watch.

“It’s already almost half an hour. What is taking her so long?” Mark said. “I’ll go and see her.”

Mark stood up and started to look where Rhianne went. He went backstage but he didn’t found Rhianne. He continued walking and walking until he heard something.

“I’m sorry.”

Mark looked at his left and saw Rhianne in a corner… crying.

Rhianne’s place

“Go home now. Please.” mom said.

I don’t want to go home. Not now. I’m a few steps away from my dreams.

“I’m sorry.” I said and ended our conversation.

I don’t want to make any quarrels with my mom. Today is my birthday and the least I want to have is to be happy for this day.

“Yah, are you fine? Why? What happened?” Mark told me the moment he saw me.

I looked at him and my tears suddenly fall. He immediately hugged me.

“Yah, why? Why are you like that? What is happening?” he asked.

The moment he hugged me was the moment I wanted to cry more. So I’m telling you, don’t ever hug me while I cry because I will cry more.

I don’t know. I wanted to be happy right now but I can’t. I can’t pretend that I’m alright. I can’t pretend that everything is fine. I simply can’t.

The moment I realized Mark was still hugging me. I removed myself from him.

“I’m sorry I wet your shirt.” I told him while I was removing all those tears on my face.

“As long as you’re going to tell me what happened, it’s fine.” he said. “What happened? I never saw you cry like that before.”

I just smiled at him, a fake smile. I wanted to tell you but I can’t Mark.

He sat down beside me.

“Now tell me. What happened?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Everything’s going to be fine.” I said then I smiled at him.

“How will I be able to know you more if you’ll not open up? You told me you’re going to let me know you more.” Mark said. “I’m here… as your friend. Cry as long as you want.”

Yeah, I told you that. But this thing is kinda personal.

“I’m not yet ready to tell it.” I said.

I was about to stand up but Mark pulled me back to my position.

“Then I’ll wait for it until you’re ready to tell me.” Mark said. “Even if it’ll take time, I’ll wait here, right in this position.” he said.

“Ahy, it’s like you’re forcing me to tell it.” I said.

“Because you need to unload all your feelings. Or else, you’ll end up being one of those people inside the mental hospital.” he said.

I looked at him angrily.

“What? It’s true. You’ll end up being one of those if you’ll not let all those bad feelings be unloaded.” he said.

I looked at him and he looked back at me. “Fine. I’m going to tell it. Happy now?” I said.

He them smiled.

“My mom called.” I said. “She greeted me a happy birthday.”

“That’s nice but…” Mark said.

“Then she asked me to go back home now.” I added.

His smile suddenly disappeared.

“Why? What did you answer?” he asked.

“I promised myself that starting now, I’ll not live in other people’s dream.” a tear suddenly fell from my eyes again. But I was able to wipe it. “I told her that I don’t want to. All my life, I’ve been a good girl. I always do whatever they want me to do. If they want me to be on top of class, I’ll study hard. If they want me to enter such a prestigious school, I’ll take the entrance exam and pass it. I’ve always been the good daughter but it seems like I’m still worthless.”

“But why does she want you to go home now? You’re a few steps away from your dream.” Mark said.

“She never wanted me to be a singer. She wanted me to be a missionary, a church missionary.” I said. “And whenever I try to be a singer, she makes me feel how bad daughter I am. That’s why I feel so worthless.”

“So she was the one you were talking about earlier.” Mark said.

I nodded.

“Remember the moment I told you about Prince of Tennis?” I asked Mark.

He stopped to think first. “Ah, the anime?” he said.

I nodded. “Captain Yamato was Seigaku’s former captain. The new tennis varsity players from middle schools were invited to a camp wherein high school students will be their opponent.”

I started to tell him about Prince of Tennis.

“On one match, Captain Yamato (the former captain of Seigaku which is a high school student now) and Captain Tezuka (the new captain of Seigaku which was on his senior middle school) were chosen as opponents. Tezuka’s abilities are way better than Yamato that’s why Tezuka was scouted by a German tennis group. But he chose to attend the camp together with his team because of what Captain Yamato told him before.” I said.

“What did Yamato said?” Mark asked.

“Yamato was a senior before and Tezuka was only a freshman. Since Yamato will be leaving the school, he told Tezuka to be Seigaku’s pillar of support. Tezuka held that title for so long that he even ignored his dream in becoming a pro.” I said.

I smiled.

“I can see myself in Tezuka’s situation. I am someone who’ll support my parents and just ignore my dream to be a singer. For a long time, I wanted my parents to be so proud of me that’s why I left my dream hanging on the air until I heard this phrase that Captain Yamato said. ‘You feel more responsibility than anyone else. You have to be the team’s pillar. Isn’t that what you believe? Perhaps it’s time to fight for yourself. You’ve always sacrificed yourself for the sake of the team. Isn’t it time to set yourself free? Following the path you believe in isn’t a bad thing, you know?’ That was the thing he said. I always play that part until I was able to memorize it.”

“Then fight for yourself.” Mark said.

“That’s what I want. But performing on stage knowing that the person you expect to be supporti