Hana lay on her back still dazed about the confession. Sehun was charming. She’d learnt that recently, and knowing he wasn’t too far away was making her heart flutter.

This birthday has turned out to be a memorable one. She’d even gotten a brisk ‘Happy Birthday’ phone call from India. She hadn’t expected that either. The people around her liked to astonish her.

 She tried to keep her Sehun-related daydreams to a minimum, conscious of the fact that she wasn’t alone. Seryung was with her. Neither of them had spoken much. Each to their own, they were lost in thoughts of what tomorrow would bring.

Seryung clicked her tongue. Sehun and Hana had identified themselves as a pair. It had been a rather shocking revelation that really had taken her by surprise. Instead of feeling glad she felt acrid and that made her feel restless.

Seryung clicked her tongue again and turned to face Hana. She couldn’t help but smile as she watched unfiltered emotions pass by the elder girl’s visage. It seemed like just yesterday when Sehun had openly denied her and now they were together. Seryung envied their happiness.

“I can’t understand why you would chose oppa over Tao. Tao is perfect,” Seryung began. She wondered if it would offend Hana if she talked bad about Sehun but Seryung didn’t really care because he was her brother. She could speak ill of him from time to time. Sehun had too many flaws when compared with Tao, in Seryung’s opinion.

“I know he’s perfect.” Hana smiled and it was true, Tao although sometimes insensitive, was a well-rounded person with dignified morals. If Seryung were to date, she had Hana’s approval.

“If the mind won over the heart, we wouldn’t have heartaches,” Hana mused.

Seryung laughed and nodded. The uncertain atmosphere was slowly thawing to make room for congeniality.

After another silent pause Seryung spoke, “I’m sorry for being mean to you.”

“It’s okay.”

“What’s okay? You should at least give out to me for it. I was horrible to you.”

Hana pressed her lips together playfully and turned to Seryung. Her expression hardened in mock antipathy. She grabbed the latter by the shoulders and shook her. “Yah how could you be mean like that, you silly child? When was I ever rude to you, for you to be rude to me? And, why are you more upset about this then me?”

Seryung suppressed a fit of giggles as Hana came to tickle her. “This is your punishment!” Hana teased while Seryung convulsed with laughter.

A ghost sat on the floor by their bedside. A cloud of darkness shrouded her. Each comment, each laugh, each act of friendship drilled into her, making her expression contort in intense detestation until her features were no longer recognizable. She loathed them! Both of them.

“What are your parents like?” Seryung asked bluntly.

Hana shrugged her shoulders blatantly. “They’re useless, other than the fact that they provide shelter and education. I can’t have a real conversation with them, they just wouldn’t be able to deal with me.”

“Same story here. If I need to talk about something, I’ll talk to oppa.”

“That’s how I am with Tao. He will listen to me and side with me. Tao’s parents are really nice too. They’ll listen to you and give you real advice.”

“He’s lucky.”

“You’re lucky too. You’re not alone, you have a sibling.”

“You have Tao.”

“Tao would normally be in China. It’s not like I get to see him every, single day. He’s here to study and then he’ll probably go back. We usually rely on texting and Skype.”

“I’m jealous.”  Seryung muttered aloud and then covered in condemnation.

“Don’t be.”

‘I can’t help it.’  Seryung’s fingers clasped around an ‘S’ necklace she’d kept hidden. It made her feel childish now. She’d made Tao buy it for her and in doing so had lowered the value of Tao’s present for Hana. In her own humility she’d hidden it to keep Hana from feeling disregarded, as well as preventing Tao from being put on the spot.

-

“You better not disregard her. I’ll take her away from you if you upset her,” was the first warning Tao gave. He wasn’t sure what to make of the sudden relationship that had blossomed so quickly under his nose and without his permission.

“Do you hate me? Why do you assume I’m going to upset her?” Sehun asked staring at the ceiling. He’d felt Tao fuming silently for a while now and had been waiting for him to burst. All the while, Sehun had been planning unpretentious retorts.

“I don’t trust you.”

“Yeah, right.” Sehun rolled his eyes not bothering to extend his sarcastic reply. Tao trusted him well enough when it came to Hana’s wellbeing. He was just being sour.

Tao scrunched his nose in mutual discord. “Why are you guys sleeping over anyway? Don’t you miss your giant, empty house?”

“I’m not sure either. It was the girls’ idea. This is kind of weird for me too so get over it.”

“Why my room?” Tao whined. The Kim family house was large enough to facilitate multiple guests, yet all the guest-rooms remained empty.

“How am I meant to know?”

Tao crossed his arms over his duvet pouting at having share his territory. “I’d rather room with Hana.”

A dig from Sehun’s leg punctuated Tao’s sentence. Sehun hadn’t meant it, it had been involuntary… Sort of.

“Yah! Did you just kick me?! How dare you!” Tao thundered sitting up. He pointed an accusing finger at the brown-haired boy beside him. Sehun rolled his eyes again as if to emphasize a point before turning to face away from Tao.

“You better keep away from my girlfriend!” Came the reply shortly afterwards. Tao snorted at the hints of envy coming from Oh Sehun.

“She didn’t agree to become your ‘girlfriend’ yet!” Tao complained lying back down.

“We’re engaged.”

“She didn’t agree to that either-“ A shot from Sehun’s heel hitting Tao thigh.

“Stop kicking me! I swear I’ll beat you up.” Tao threatened, viciously propelling his legs out in front of him.

“Go to sleep and don’t talk to me.” Tao advised gruffly.

Sehun smirked. He felt he’d one this round. He would have to watch out for Tao from now on. Tao and Hana were impeccably close, that much he knew already. However, he didn’t want to play the role of a control-freak and meddle in both their lives. He trusted Hana but, Huang Zitao was of another breed. One that needed taming...

Sehun put the thought of pushing Tao’s buttons to the back of his mind. He refused to play the jealous game. He’d played too much of it back in the day. There was no merit in it. Hana would probably shake her head at him. Sehun didn’t want to give Tao the satisfaction of seeing that if it happened.

“How’s school?” Sehun began. Life for a student began and ended in school. It was a relatively safe topic to discuss.

“Fine, obviously what’s going to happen to me?”

Sehun scowled, Tao was misunderstanding his intentions of playing fair. “I meant study-wise. If you ever have trouble with topics you can ask Seryung or myself, we’ll help you.”

“Thanks…” Tao trailed off and sighed heavily. He appreciated the gesture even if he didn’t plan to take up the offer. He massaged his temples and glanced at Sehun from the corner of his eye.

 “I don’t know if I should say this, but Hana is really struggling. Her grades slipped and hit an all time low. Her parent’s pressure her constantly over it. You should help her before she goes crazy from stress.”

Sehun frowned. “I didn’t know that… Okay, I’ll talk to her and sort something out.”

“Don’t tell her I told you, she’ll kill me.”

“Why are you guys so close?” Sehun’s words were a translation of: how do you know so much about her?

Tao caught the meaning and grinned, “Jealous of me already I see.”

“I have no reason to be jealous of you.”

“You lie. You’re a terrible liar.”

“Jealous of you, I am not.”

“Fine, suit yourself. I don’t really care as long as you take care of Hana. She’s sensitive even if she doesn’t show it. She’ll never tell you she’s upset but there’s a lot she’s upset about.

“School is the biggest source of pain. Parents too, but I’m sure you’ve guessed that from today. Hana’s relationship with her parents is strictly on titles: ‘mother,’ ‘father,’ ‘daughter,’ they’re not close. They want her to be perfect and Hana tries to be. Her grades fell because she was bullied, and she got in trouble at home for it.

“Everything she does at home gets nitpicked because her grades aren’t getting better. Her grades weren’t great to begin with. They were average, so she got flack for that too, but now it’s awful.

“I don’t like to watch it. That’s why I’m asking you to tutor her. You’d think Hana has no problems but she’s breaking from the inside out.”

Sehun furrowed his brows. A wave of melancholy washed over him drenching him thoroughly. “I didn’t know she had such a hard time. I know what it’s like to have parents you’re not close to, ours are the same… I can’t believe they forgot her birthday.”

“This is the first time they’ve done that. It makes me mad but, what can I do when Hana doesn’t want me to say anything?”

“Hana is strong, she might be stronger than Seryung.” Sehun marveled at Hana’s ability to coat her life’s imperfections with smiles and kindness.

Tao thought about it, but silently disagreed with the comparison. “Seryung is strong too but, she needs to think before she acts.”

Sehun clicked his tongue with cognizance. “She’s always been like that. I think it might be my fault for spoiling her too much.”

Tao nodded absentmindedly. The mention of her name had brought memories of her. He could deny it but facts wouldn’t change. He liked her headstrong nature, her dark eyes, her bright smile, her ability to coax him, her virtue, and the unique characteristics that set her apart from the norm. She could be deemed unladylike, but his thoughts remained tender.

He clenched his jaw and curled his fist. It wouldn’t be possible. Not for him, not now, or ever. He and she were worlds apart. It would never work. It hadn’t worked for his gege, how would it work for him? Anger rose from his stomach and dispersed into his throat. He resented the world for drawing him in an image he couldn’t attain.

Sehun had his own list of first world problems. “You and Hana are really close. It’s kind of unnatural. Do you have feelings for her?”

Tao sighed, and relaxed his fists. “I have feelings, but they are things I can’t help.”

“So you love her?” Sehun asked in a strained voice.

Humor had left Tao’s spirit, he wasn’t in the mood for this conversation. “Hana is quite loveable. It’s sad her parents don’t see it.”

“You’re confusing me. I know you know what I’m asking, so just answer.”

Tao smiled to himself knowingly. “Go to sleep.”

“You’re really not going to tell me?”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t hand Hana over to someone who doesn’t love her. I wont let her live her life without experiencing love from someone.”

“Is that ‘someone’ supposed to be you?”

“I mean it. If you don’t love her for real walk away now.”

“Why do you think I’m lying?”

“I didn’t call you a liar. I’m warning you in advance.”

“You think I’m playing with her?”

“Are you?”

“I’m not.”

“You’re serious, then?”

“I am.”

“All the way till marriage?”

“...If we’re still together, then why not.”

“’If?’”

“Don’t mess with my words. You know I’m serious.”

“I know. I’m just playing my part.”

“Are you having fun playing, father-in-law?”

“I am indeed.”

“Well I’m glad you’re having fun stressing me out!”

“Yah, you’re lucky! Sleeping in your 'father-in-law’s' bed is a privilege not every son-in-law gets.”

“It’s great! You get to hog the whole thing and act as if you’re doing me a great big favor by letting me squish in the corner.”

“I am not squishing you, and you’re the one taking my whole duvet.”

“Liar!”

“Takes one to know one!”

Sehun grinned. The inkling of Tao as a threat to his newfound relationship was fading. Maybe they could become good friends? The thought didn’t seem far-fetched to him. There was just one matter that needed clarification. “How do you feel about Seryung? I know you like her, but what do you plan to do about it?”

Tao stiffened, his tone turned to steel. “I think you’ve got a misconception there. I don’t like her.”

The callous reaction was one Sehun hadn’t expected. The idea of friendship dissolved and its illustration reflected in the harshness of Sehun’s voice, “I don’t care if we’re friends. I wont forgive you if you play with my sister.”

“I’m not playing.” Tao responded shielding his eyes with his arm wishing to wash away the portrait of Seryung from the back of his mind.

“Are you serious about her?” Sehun pressed persistently.

“I haven’t given her false hope. Her feelings are not under my jurisdiction.”

“She doesn’t feel anything for you yet, so don’t dare give her false hope.”

“I don’t plan to. Your sister and I are far from compatible. She deserves better.”

“’She deserves better,' is another way of saying you’re running away because you don’t feel confident.”

“Go to sleep.”

Sehun scoffed to himself. Tao was frustratingly stubborn. How Seryung had managed to ensnare herself was beyond him. Sehun’s ascendancy was that of an elder brother. He could only look out for his younger sister, but if Tao wasn’t interested as he’d so adamantly insisted, then Sehun couldn’t do anything about it. It was a situation that was out of bounds. The whole proclamation was beginning to give him a headache.

‘Why don’t you just admit it? What’s holding you back?’  A list of questions formed in Sehun’s mind but a paper couldn’t be written without research. Speculation through a hypothesis only frustrated him.

Huang Zitao shut his eyes. He thought about his loving parent’s who constantly worked hard to support him through thick and thin. If there was anything remotely admirable about his character it was due to the work of his parent’s and his gege. He might have strayed from the righteous path of life if it weren’t for their guidance. They’d kept him steady all this time.

Bullies had pointed fingers at him, calling him ‘dark’ and ‘ugly,’ and threatened to beat him to a pulp for it. He’d been young back then and lacked the knowledge to defend himself. He’d come home with scratches and bruises and he’d crawl under his bed to weep silently about the unfairness of being born less than ideal.

Confrontations with the neighborhood kids became worse. They’d take his pocket money and laugh menacingly telling him that ugly kids didn’t need it and that ugly kids should do their parent’s a favor and just die.

It had gone on like that. Days became weeks became months became years. His things would be stolen. His tricycle had been broken. Kids would befriend him to play with his toys, and return them broken saying that dark kids should have dark belongings.

He had been a joke to the neighborhood kids. He’d hated playing outside, yet he couldn’t help it because outside was where life was for a preschooler.

Then had come the faithful day when he’d slowly begun to crush on one of his neighbors. She had been beautiful with her shiny, dark hair and complementary big eyes, her complexion had been radiant and her cheeks glowed with natural blush. She was beautiful. She would wear girly frocks with poofy skirts, flat shoes with frilly socks and those classic straw sunhats.

Young Zitao had just about mustered the courage to talk to her, speaking in stutters because he’d been shy. She had been nice to him. She’d even let him play with his dolls.

The other boys had been jealous of him, he was sure of it! Why else would they unleash a dog on him? That very big, black dog, whose bark sent shivers of peril through him, had chased him through the streets.

Tao had run for his life with the dog at his heel. He’d almost died. He was convinced he would have died if that gege hadn’t saved him. Meeting that kindred soul had been out of sheer coincidence.

The chase had ended in the older boy protecting the younger one and scaring the dog away. Tao cringed recalling his cowardliness. At the time he didn’t have the courage to help out. He’d wanted to run and hide, but his legs had been too petrified to move.

He remembered being decorated in scars, bruises, and scratches. The gege had accompanied him home, and explained things kindly to his parents. That was when Zitao could hold it in no longer. The truth came tumbling out, rolling off his tongue like waves on the shore. His parents had been horrified. The neighborhood parents had been involved and Tao had received apologies.

From there on in, that ugly, dark outcast had been sent to Wushu lessons on a regular basis.

The ugly kid fell in love with the sport. It quickly became part of his soul. He was still dark, and ugly although everyone had stopped calling him that. He might even have made friends with those kids if he’d tried, but something else had beckoned him.

Wushu. Wushu had filled the scarred gap in his being.

The gege would correct his mistakes in mannerisms, and Tao often found himself seeking out the elder boy. Tao’s parents too had paid extra caution towards him. He’d become the person he was now thanks to their help.

Eighteen-year-old Huang Zitao pinched the bridge of his nose. He always told himself he wouldn’t cry over it, but his eyes could help b with nostalgic tears.

His gege lost his mind. His parent’s were distressed, and trying to put him into a mental institution because they couldn’t afford to have him running away from home. He was senile. Tao didn’t want that to happen to him too. Wasn’t that why he was running away from love? Love was poison. Love could cause damage beyond repair.

Tao was an only child. His parent’s couldn’t manage the agony that would come from foolish love. They were old. Tao didn’t want to hurt them again. They’d suffered enough after finding out he’d been bullied. How would they deal with dementia? Tao didn’t want to think about it. Love was out of the question.

He groaned softly to himself and felt Sehun stir. Sehun was blissfully unaware of Tao’s plight. He was savoring a feeling Tao couldn’t touch. For a brief moment Tao hated him for it. Why was Sehun allowed something Tao had been denied?

Tao ignored his thoughts, pushing them aside because they were as useless as he felt. As much as he tried to strengthen his resolve the real problem lay in him. That very resolution would melt once he laid his eyes on Oh Seryung. He’d forget everything. The world would suddenly only consist of him and her. Wasn’t that why he’d carelessly spent more money than he’d meant to?

He’d bought a forty-seven dollar necklace for her because he hadn’t wanted to see her dispirited eyes. That wasn’t the only mistake he’d made. He’d held her as she cried. How could he have left her like that? He was weakening steadily because of her. He had to stop himself. He had to save himself or else he’d end up like his gege.

He tossed to his side trying to find a comfortable position to rest in but comfort had long left him.

Han Miyoung fed on his thoughts silently. A tight smile formed on her twisted features. Things were beginning to get interesting. She nodded her head slowly. An owl’s eyes caught hers momentarily and she held her breath vanishing from the vicinity before he could alert Tao of her presence. She no longer wished to remain there anyway. She had learnt enough.