Chapter 28

Yuri sank her head heavily onto the pillow & reflected upon the event of that evening. After the talk with Seohyun & Hyoyeon, she had finally let her anger, grief, guilt & shame rise to the surface. She had been angry at herself for causing Jaejoong so much pain. She had been grieving over the loss of their child. She had been feeling guilty for not being more careful. She had been ashamed that she could no longer conceive again. Her bottled up emotions had overflown & she had released them once again, that day in a storm of tears.

For the first time in a long time, she had let her guards down & allowed Jaejoong to see her cry. No, he didn’t only seen her cry, he had also heard her confession, her true thoughts & feelings, her motives. Yuri's heart warmed as she recalled Jaejoong's reaction, the tenderness in his voice as he cradled & soothed her. Yuri closed her eyes & relived that moment when she had cried in Jaejoong's arms. She remembered his warmth & security she felt when he had held her.

It had been too long. She had been punishing herself for the accident by depriving herself of Jaejoong. She wouldn’t let herself get near him & wouldn’t let him get near her. It hurts too much, the memory of the past, the reality of the future. The only way she could make it up to him was to let him love someone else. Let him find another girl to have his child. She had to force herself to distance away from him so he could go find someone else. She had tried so hard to harden her heart & fight back the longing to respond to his touch.

‘How can you ever think that I will love someone else?’ Jaejoong's desperate words echoed in her mind. For the first time since the accident, Yuri smiled. She opened her eyes & sat up, propping her head against the wall, ‘I’m such a fool.’ She thought to herself. Jaejoong was the sun in her sky; he was her reason to smile. How could she have tried to push him out of her heart? Now that she revealed her feelings & poured out all her anguish, maybe they could start over again, from the beginning.

Time. Only time could wash away her pain. Only time could heal her wounds. Suddenly, a realization dawned on her. What if Jaejoong was mad at her for trying to push him away? What if he didn't love her anymore because of the way she had been treating him? Her heart ached at the thought & suddenly, she had the urge to go find him, to explain, to ask for forgiveness, to find answers & seek the warmth of his touch.

Jaejoong felt her hand slipping out of his, heard her apologizing & watched as her door closed in front of him. Slowly, he walked to the bathroom & rubbed his tired eyes. Standing under the shower for half an hour didn’t help wash away the mixed emotions he felt inside of him. He was happy that she had let him hold her close & provide her with the love & comfort that he felt she needed. However, at the same time, he was heartbroken.

It killed him inside to know that she felt so unworthy of him. It was like a thousand needles piercing his heart when he heard her confession, her true feelings, "Doesn't she know how much I love her?" He wondered, out loud in frustration as he slipped out of the shower. Maybe he hadn't been telling her enough or maybe he hadn't been showing her enough?

‘Actions speak louder than words.’ He decided & walked towards her room, their room. He raised his hand to knock on the door but suddenly, a thought hit him. What if Yuri had been pushing him away because she thought he wanted from her? He could understand why she wouldn’t want that type of intimacy so soon, especially after Dr. Kim's orders of abstinence. Had he been too aggressive, therefore making Yuri misunderstand his motives? Either way, he had to talk to her. He took in a deep breath & was prepared to knock.

On the other side of the door, Yuri was debating with herself on whether or not she should go find Jaejoong. Jaejoong let his hand drop back down to his side for the eighth time & turned around to walk away, ‘I don't even know what to say or where to start.’ He thought miserably, as he shut the door behind him.

Yuri's ears perked up. Did she just hear something on the other side of the door? Her heart thudded loudly as she got up & walked to the door quickly. After taking in a deep breath, she pulled the door open, expecting to see Jaejoong on the other side but the only thing that greeted her was the darkness of the hallway. Her heart sank in disappointment but something told her that Jaejoong wasn't quite asleep yet. She walked out to his room & stood outside the door. After hesitating for a moment, she changed her mind again, & went back to bed.

‘Am I hearing things??’ Jaejoong wondered, ‘Maybe I'm too desperate for Yuri.’ He decided, but he opened the door & stepped out into the hallway anyway. Seeing no sign of Yuri, he walked downstairs & settled onto the living room couch. He closed his eyes & let the cool night air envelope him.

He heard the shuffling of footsteps & turned around abruptly. She stood there silently then slowly walked towards him. He didn't take his eyes off of her body as she glided over to him. When she sat down beside him, he wanted to open his mouth to speak but no words came out.

Finally, he sorted out his thoughts & turned to face her, "Yuri, I." She shook her head & hushed him with a finger on his lips. Then she laid her head gently on his chest & for awhile, they just sat there, enjoying each other's presence. He wrapped his arms around her, feeling her warmth & inhaling her scent.

‘Action speaks louder than words.’ His mind said. He sat up & took her hands in his. She looked back at him with shining eyes. He leaned forward, hovering his face over hers. Their eyes closed & he gently touched his forehead to hers. He felt her inhale nervously. He bent down, touching her nose with his. There lips were now barely an inch apart. Before his mind could register what was going on, his lips touched hers & everything else blanked out. Neither of them moved; their lips remained locked in position.

The feeling was absolutely indescribable. It had been too long. Slowly, he kissed her, tasting the sweetness of her lips, the soft lush texture. She parted but instead of journeying into , his tongue lingered on her lips, , teasing, tasting. He nibbled on her bottom lips as she let out a small moan, he pulled away from her lips & planted small kisses along her jawline. When he reached her ear, he tucked in a few strands of hair behind her ear & proceeded to nibble on her earlobe.

"I love you." He whispered amorously, then nuzzled her neck, & gently along the way. The moan that she emitted set him on fire. She thread her fingers through his hair & pulled him closer to her. His hands that were once on her waist were now on her shoulders, sliding the strap of her blue shadow eberjey colette nightgown off. The material fell loosely around her waist, exposing the fullness of her s to the pale moonlight. She leaned back onto the couch, arching her back & lifting her torso to meet his body.

Jaejoong withdrew his lips & sat back to catch his breath. He could feel the flames of passion throbbing in his black daniel buchler pima cotton blend lounge pants & when he looked into her eyes, she trapped him with her hypnotic gaze, "Touch me." It was barely above a whisper but he heard it loud & clear. Within a second, his hands were on her, fondling her ever so lovingly. Without breaking eye contact, he took her into his mouth & lightly flicked his tongue over the stiffness of her skin.

She looked back at him intently & her hands moved down to untie the knot on the drawstring of his pants. He could feel the heat radiating off of her skin & knew that she could feel the growing desire between his legs. As he came up for a breath, she pulled him close & their lips met again, this time even more hungry for each other than before.

"Oh, Jaejoong Oppa. Oppa."

"Oppa. Oppa."

He woke up with a start & saw her standing in front of him with a worried expression on her face, "Why were you sleeping in the living room all night?" He realized that it had all been a dream, that he hadn't really spent a passionate night with Yuri on the couch. He rubbed his eyes & yawned then he sat up & looked at her, "Why are you wearing that thin nightgown?" It was the exact same one that had evoked their passion in his dream. She looked down at herself & noticing for the first time how sheer it was, she quickly closed her navy splendid boyfriend robe.

"You are more likely to catch a cold than me, sleeping in the living room without a blanket. Anyway, since I'm going back to work tomorrow, I will be in my study all day looking over the papers." He watched as she disappeared upstairs & sighed. What a beautiful dream. If only dreams could come true.