Chapter 26

Jaejoong's heart stopped for a moment as he digested Yuri's words, "What do you mean?" He asked stupidly, in case he heard wrong or understood wrong! "I can't conceive." She pronounced each word with precision as if to emphasize its meaning.

"I was drifting in & out of consciousness. I heard them talking. I'm not even supposed to know yet." She blinked slowly, letting the tears drain down her face.

Jaejoong drove slowly this time, cruising aimlessly down the streets. He felt empty & hopeless, "If only I had gone up earlier." He kept blaming himself. He replayed the meeting with Dr. Kim in his mind again.

*Flashback*

Yuri sat in her wheelchair, staring off into space as Taeyeon brought the files to her mom. She leaned over to give Yuri a quick hug before returning to the nurse's station.

"We have performed a thorough biopsy on Yuri & upon further examination, it was found that she has pelvic adhesion which was caused by her abdomen hitting a hard object during the fall. The lining of her uterus has become irritated & the tissues of the uteral wall have bonded with other tissues. This causes severed pain & difficulty of conception."

Dr. Kim paused briefly, allowing the words to sink into Jaejoong's head, "I will administer pain relief medication for Yuri to treat the pelvic adhesion. However, I suggest that you abstain from any ual activity until all signs of abdominal pain are gone because any entering the cervix may cause an infection."

Jaejoong nodded numbly, bobbing his head up & down as a reflex, "Auntie Kim." Yuri suddenly interrupted, "I'm really tired. Can I go back upstairs now?" Yuri didn't want to hear it anymore. She's infertile. What more is there to know?

"Sure, dear. I will call Taeyeon to bring you back upstairs. Mr. Kim, please stay. I have a few more things to discuss with you." Dr. Kim called to Taeyeon on the intercom & within three minutes, Yuri was out of the office & on her way up to her room. Jaejoong looked behind him longingly, his heart calling out to Yuri.

Dr. Kim cleared politely & Jaejoong abruptly turned back to him, “"Do you have any questions or concerns that you would like to address me with at this point?" She asked, before picking up the file, "Um." Jaejoong was hesitant; he thought back to the encounter with Yuri in the morning.

"She seems so withdrawn & indifferent. She doesn't like me touching her." He finally spilled out to the doctor, "Well, you see." She explained, "Yuri is traumatized & extremely depressed over this loss. She may feel unworthy or incomplete which is why she doesn't want physical contact or intimacy. Just give her some time." She reached across the desk & patted Jaejoong's hand gently, "I know it's hard but you must be strong for Yuri." Jaejoong sighed & ran his fingers through his hair in frustration, ‘Why is this happening to us now? We were so happy.’ He thought to himself.

"Also, Yuri's concussion impacted her frontal lobe & this causes her behaviour to be unstable sometimes. I have known Yuri since she was a child & she doesn't usually have much of a temper but I must warn you that she may show signs of aggression over the next few months until her condition is more stable."

*End of Flashback*

Jaejoong opened the door to his bedroom & the first thing that greeted him was their wedding picture hanging above the bed. He looked at it adoringly. Yuri's shining eyes, her radiant smile, his arms around her waist in an amorous embrace & his heart ached. His body sunked onto the floor slowly, along with his spirit & hopes. Yuri drank the soup slowly, savouring the taste & letting the liquid settle on her tongue before swallowing it. Her in-laws were talking to her but she couldn’t hear a word they were saying. Their words drifted by her like whispers in the wind.

"Yuri, did you hear what I just said?" Mrs. Kim asked her daughter-in-law. Yuri had just finished her soup & had lain back down. The only sign of her being awake was her staring at the ceiling unblinkingly.

Mr. Kim looked at his wife worriedly. The couple shook their heads sadly & patted Yuri's hand, "We will come visit you tomorrow, dear. Get some rest." Mrs. Kim covered Yuri with the blanket & together, with Mr. Kim left the room silently. As soon as they left, Yuri blinked quickly. Once, twice, three times.

A large teardrop emerged from her eyes & trickled gently down, wetting her pillow. She sobbed silently, her shoulders shaking & her vision blurred by the tears.

"What happened that night? Why can't I remember anything?" She asked herself. She bit her lips in frustration until blood dripped from the dry, cracked folds.

"You did what?!" June shrieked in disbelief. Minho took a step back & swallowed another gulp of beer, "Hey, I just stalked her. I didn't actually do anything to her like slash her face or anything."

He burped & continued, "& I didn't push her down the stairs. She fell by herself. Besides, I was all smoked up & drunk; I couldn't have done much." "Argh." June slammed her glass down angrily.

"Babe, I'm doing all this for you." Minho put his arm around her shoulder. She shrugged his arm away, "Don't you get it? Now that Yuri is in the hospital, Jaejoong will be spending even more time with her."

For an entire week, Jaejoong brought flowers, candies, magazines & soup for his wife at the hospital. She stopped refusing to eat but showed no other signed of acknowledging his existence. Whenever he talked to her, her eyes would be staring at the ceiling or her back would be turned away from him.

It pained him very much to see his beloved wife in such a pitiful state but what hurt him the most was how she pulled away reflexively when he touched her as if he his touch was that of hot coals. He watched her sleep at night, observing the peaceful rising & falling of her chest.

One week later, when her sprained ankle was fully healed, Dr. Kim permitted Yuri to be discharged from the hospital. When Jaejoong came to pick her up, she had already changed into some clothes & was waiting for him in her hospital room.

"You look beautiful today, Yuri." Jaejoong commented, as he handed her a bouquet of roses & kissed her on the cheek. She instinctively took a step back. Jaejoong tried to ignore the bitter lump in his throat & plastered on a cheerful smile, "Here, let me take your bag." He reached out for her bag but she held on tightly.

"It's okay. I can carry it myself." "Dr. Kim said you shouldn't be carrying too much weight when you are walking. Your ankle just got better." Jaejoong reached out for her bag again, but since she refused to let go, their hands touched, "I said." She repeated louder, "I can carry it myself." & stayed back until he walked out of the room.

Yuri stepped unsteadily into the house & looked around. She had been gone for only a week but everything felt so different. She glanced around the room, her eyes finally settling on a portrait hung above the mantle, their wedding portrait. She stood rooted to the ground, eyes unblinking.

Jaejoong followed her gaze & looked up at the picture. The Yuri in the picture smiled so genuinely & she looked so happy, so content. It seemed almost unreal. Jaejoong would do anything to see Yuri smile like that again. He shifted his gaze to her frail frame.

The accident & shock of her inability to bear children had shrunk Yuri down to a weak, feeble, helpless girl. Yuri dragged her luggage upstairs & dropped it onto the floor while heading to the bathroom. Jaejoong followed closely behind, keeping a watchful eye on her.

Yuri turned the shower on to full blast, allowing the harsh spray of water to hit her body. She closed her eyes in an attempt to shut out reality. Everything that had been going on for the past week seemed so unrealistic, like a dream or nightmare. She opened her eyes & saw blood trickling down her leg. The baby; she was losing her baby. Again.

"No! Give me back my baby!" She wailed. She sunk her tired body down to the bottom of the tub & hugged her knees tightly, her sobs shaking her whole body. Jaejoong heard her scream & quickly barged through the door. He saw Yuri huddled in a corner of the tub, surrounded by blood. His mind was racing with questions as he turned off the water & pulled Yuri's frail body to his.

"My baby. Don't take my baby?" She begged desperately. After the initial shock, Jaejoong's mind finally registered the fact that since Yuri was no longer pregnant, her menstrual cycle had returned to normal.

"Yuri. Yuri. It's okay. I'm here. Everything is going to be alright." He held her tightly in his arms while drying her with a towel. She sobbed into his shoulder, clutching his black extra slim geo print shirt collar. He finally managed to calm her down & convince her that she wasn’t losing her baby again.

After cleaning her up & dressing her, he gently placed her in bed & tucked her in. Yuri's heavy lids closed on her & she fell into a deep sleep.

Every few hours, Yuri would wake up in cold sweat, thrashing about in her bed & breaking down into tears. Each time, Jaejoong was by her side within a minute, to comfort her & reassure her. After calming her down & soothing her, he would sit by her bedside & wait for her to sleep again, but Yuri couldn’t fall asleep in his presence. She laid in silence, listening to Jaejoong's breathing, knowing that he was watching her.

It was even worse at night when Jaejoong tried to join her in bed. She was as stiff as a board & slept as far away from him as she could. Jaejoong finally realized that if he wanted Yuri to get any sleep, he would have to leave the room. He got out of bed reluctantly & took a spare blanket out of the linen closet. Before leaving the room, he bent down to touch Yuri's cheek & his heart shattered into a million of pieces when she winced & pulled away from him. Sighing in defeat, Jaejoong settled into the guest room next door.

The next morning, Yuri woke up to the aroma of pumpkin congee. She heard rattling in the kitchen & assumed that Miran was making breakfast. She climbed out of bed & put on her paradise teal festive floral lace short robe while walking to the kitchen. She stopped in her tracks when she saw her husband in an apron hovering over the stove. Jaejoong turned around & put on his brightest smile.

"How are you feeling, darling? Did you sleep well last night?" He walked over to Yuri & was about to give her a kiss on the cheek when he remembered her reaction from the previous day when he had tried to touch her, "I feel better." She said simply, not meeting his eyes. Wordlessly, they ate breakfast.

For the next month, Jaejoong continued trying to get his Yuri back but it seemed as if his loving wife had disappeared & was replaced by an ice statue. Their conversations consisted of Jaejoong's questions & Yuri's one or two word answered, along with a shake or a nod of her head.

Soon, Jaejoong had to go back to the company for a few important meetings so he invited a few of Yuri's friends over to keep her company. They chatted with her & coaxed her out of the house for some refreshing walked. Yuri's condition seemed to improve & she opened up to her friends more as each day went by. However, she & Jaejoong still slept in separate bedrooms & their conversations were dry & simple.

"How are you doing today, my dear?" Asked Dr. Kim, as Yuri & Jaejoong sat down in her office, "I feel a lot better now. I don't have cramps down here anymore." Yuri put her hand on her abdomen, "That's wonderful. Now, let's see." Dr. Kim flipped through a few papers.

"Your report from monday says your health has recovered & you are doing fine. No more headaches so I will take you off medication. You can go back to your normal lifestyle & daily routines now." She smiled warmly at the couple.

‘If only it was that easy.’ Jaejoong thought silently to himself.