JESSICA

“Unnie, what are those catalogues for? Why are you looking at furnitures?” Krystal asked noticing the scattered catalogues all over my desk.

“I’m helping Sehun out. He’s moving in to his house and I’m the doing the interior of his room. I’m trying to decide what gift I’ll give him as congratulations on moving in” I answered.

“Oh, I see. So, you’re in good terms after all huh?” she said with a look of relief as she settled on the couch in my office. I raised an eyebrow, not getting what Krystal meant.

“I mean, I haven’t seen you two together, heard you talking to him on the phone nor noticed you constantly texting him. I thought you two were on a not good terms state again” she elaborated.

I just smiled as I tried to hide the fact that Krystal is right.

Sehun and I aren’t on good terms, again.

And it is my fault, again.

Because of what I said, again.

What is with me and my lack of courage?

The last time this happened, I told Sehun that all of this is just pretend. I told him that because I was angry at him and didn’t realize that he was jealous. But, in actuality I said those words because I was afraid that I was the only one who’s falling.

Now, I told him those words because I was afraid of what Luhan’s mother would say. Because deep down inside I know that I still want her to have a good impression of me. I still want her to accept me. I still want her to like me.

But in the process I hurt Sehun.

How do I know I hurt him?

I know because he isn’t answering any of my texts or my calls. He isn’t making any means for us to get in contact with each other. It’s been three days since we last saw each other.

My chain of thoughts was disrupted when my phone vibrated. I checked the caller ID and it was just who I was thinking about.

“Hello, Ma?” I answered and noticed that Krystal tore her attention away from her phone and looked up to me. Giving me ‘who are you talking to?’-look.

[Hi dear! Are you busy today?]

“I’m heading out in awhile. Is there anything you need from me?”

[I was thinking of meeting you over lunch. How does that sound?]

“I don’t have any lunch plans yet. So, where are we eating?”

[Why don’t you decide dear? I don’t know any new restaurants around here]

“Oh, okay Ma. How about I’ll just text you then?”

[Sure dear. See you]

“bye ma” I said as I hang up.

“who were you talking to?” Krystal asked noticing that I was already done with my phone call. “It was Luhan’s mother” I answered preparing the things that I’ll be bringing with me to Sehun’s place. I’m heading out to his place to help him arrange the stuff in his bedroom. The furniture we ordered are to arrive today.

“Luhan’s mother? You mean the terror and cold Mrs. Xi?” she asked and I nodded. Krystal knows about Mrs. Xi’s treatment towards me when Luhan was still alive.

“And you called her Ma?” she asked and I nodded again.

“Oh my gosh. Seriously?” she asked in disbelief. “what happened? What made her change? And why are you still in touch with them?”

“she’s kind in the first place Krys. She was just cold because she didn’t want me to get too attached to their family, knowing about Luhan’s disease” I explained.

“Okay? And is Sehun fine with you still in touch with them?”

 “Why would Sehun not be fine with me being in touch with Luhan’s family? He’s a friend of the Xi’s too. I don’t think he’d mind” I reasoned but it was more like me convincing myself that Sehun would be fine with this.

“Well, even so. I mean, wouldn’t that be implying that you still want to be with Luhan? Because his family would be reminding you of Luhan, right? But maybe you’re right. Sehun’s mature and understanding” Krystal made me stop preparing myself. Her words got me thinking.

I never thought of that.

I just assumed that he was fine with me still being in touch with Luhan’s family. Would he really be fine with this?

My trance got broken when I received a text message from Kris.

From: Kris Wu

Message: Just wanted to inform you that your boyfriend was so drunk last night. He probably needs his girlfriend to take care of his hang over right now

-end of text-

I frowned as I read Kris’ message. I immediately went out of the house and drove to the nearest pharmacy before heading out to where Sehun is.

His car is in the garage which means that he hasn’t left, he’s probably still asleep.

“Sehun?” I called out as I entered his house. I entered with ease because he gave me a spare key to his house the last time I went here. But, there was no response from him.

I went directly to his bedroom, thinking that he’s still asleep. And yes he still was asleep. So, I decided to go down to his kitchen. I got him a glass of water that would accompany the drug that I brought for his hangover and placed it in a tray.

As I entered, I heard him groaning, “I’m never going to drink that hard again”. His forearm was covering his face from the sunlight that was peeking through his curtain was directed to his face.

I stood by the doorway holding the tray.  “That’s what everyone says after getting a bad hang over, but still they drink hard after having said those”

He opened one eye and looked to my direction.

Our eyes met and my heart started beating like crazy.

I smiled at him, I didn’t want to melt with just his stare. I walked closer to him, remembering that I am here to help with his hang over. I placed the tray down and helped Sehun sat up. I grabbed the glass of water and his hang over medicine which I handed to him as I sat down his bed.

Damn. Why does he look so hot in that bed hair of his?

 “thank you”

“you’re welcome”

Now what? I don’t know what to say. This silence feels so unnerving. I really want to break but I don’t know how. What should I say?

 “what are you doing here?” Sehun asked finally breaking the silence. Honestly, I was taken aback. He sounds cold and angry. Even if he sounded angry I tried to compose myself. I came here for a purpose and that is to talk to him so, I ain’t backing down.

“the delivery arrives today, right? The interior designer should be here to help you put those furniture to place, right?” I answered. I received no reply from him. So, I continued, “do you want to eat something? I can fix you something, just don’t demand for anything that’s hard to prepare, ok?”

“what time is it?”

“it’s already 1 in the afternoon. You must be hungry, anything that you want to eat?” I answered. “I can do the arranging, you don’t need to bother helping me anymore. And I’m not hung---“ he tried to decline my offer and brush me off again but his stomach grumbled.

 “don’t even try to deny it, Oh Sehun. I know you’re hungry. So, why don’t you get a shower while I prepare you something” I bid after kissing his cheek.

I hurriedly went to the kitchen to prepare him some food. This is my chance to compose myself. But I guess It was useless because a few after when I noticed a presence behind me and faced him, the words that I tried to form in my head got erased immediately.

“what are you standing there for? Come here and eat now”

He walked to where I sat the food for him. “thanks” he said before digging in.

“that’s what I’m here for, preparing your meals, planning the arrangement of your furniture, treating you whenever you have hangover”

I was answered with silence so I opted to talk again. “How’s my cooking? Did it improve?” and this time I got a nod as an answer and another silence.

“Sehun” I called out gathering my courage to open the topic about what happened few days ago but when he looked up my courage vanished and turned to ashes.

“You don’t need to explain anything. I understand. I understand that you don’t want to shock auntie Xi by telling her that we have a thing going on between us. So, you don’t need to explain Soo Yeon. It’s fine, really”

“But Sehun-“ I was cut off when his phone rung which he didn’t hesitate to answer right away. “What do you want, Dr. Kim? It’s my precious day off and you’re disturbing me”

Dr. Kim? Yura?

“Yura… what’s wrong? Where are you? Okay, I’ll be there. Just wait for me, okay?”

I watched Sehun ran to his bedroom, grabbed his keys, wallet and jacket before dashing out of his house. I got ticked off by how he was acting and ticked off even more realizing that he’s acting this way because Yura called him.

“Is Yura your first love?”

“What?” he asked in disbelief.

“Answer me Sehun. Is Yura your first love?!” I demanded.

“I don’t need to answer that Jessica” I flinched, feeling scared of how he talked to me. But, I needed to hear the truth from him, “no. You do!”

 “No, she’s not”

“Then why are you going to her right this instant?!”

“Why are you even asking me this question?!”

“Why aren’t you answering me?!” I felt even angrier by the answers that Sehun was giving me.

“I already did. I told you Kim Yura isn’t my first love. And as to why I am going there? She’s my friend Jessica and she needs me. So, I’m going”

“you’ll choose her over me?!” I didn’t want to sound like an overbearing, possessive girlfriend but I can’t help it.

“do you need me here like she needs me there?” I was shocked with his question and it got me muted.

“so, you really are choosing her over me? And you’re telling me that she isn’t your first love? You’re still not over her are you? and that’s why you are choosing her, your friend over me, your girlfriend”

 “SHE’S NOT MY FIRST LOVE, DAMMIT! And for ’s sake Jessica, weren’t you the one who denied our relationship?! So, stop pointing out that you’re my ing girlfriend because you clearly told me that I am just your friend!”

He was panting and he was clearly angry, angrier than how he was back in the hospital. My tears were threatening to fall. I wanted to explain myself but before I could do so Sehun already turn his back to me. So, I spared no single second to think twice whether I should stop him or not.

“I’m sorry” I whispered, already hiccupping, bawling my eyes out unto his back. He tried to relieve himself off my grip but I even held unto him tighter. “I am sorry Sehun. I’m really sorry Sehun. Please forgive me Sehun. It’s not my intention to deny our relationship. I was just caught off guard with her appearance. I’ll clarify things later with Ma and I’ll tell her about us” I begged for his forgiveness.

But I think my words were not enough to receive his forgiveness because he removed my arms around him