Jessica’s POV

I don’t know why I am feeling this way. I don’t think I even deserve the answer to my question. Should I ask? Or should I not? What if he was just messing with me? If I ask him then clearly he would tease me for getting affected by his words. Argh!

“is there something bothering you?” Sehun’s question brought me back to reality where me, Sehun and our friends are having barbeque by the beach. He is chewing on some meat that was just roasted by Kyuhyun oppa. “want some?” he said offering me some meat on his plate.

I shook my head and smiled at him. He sat beside me and we were both silent.

It is the second day of our vacation here in Boracay. The area is nice, it is refreshing and relaxing. But, Taeyeon and Chanyeol are having a quarrel. I don’t think it is right to enjoy this trip when the couple who organized this trip isn’t in good terms.

He continued chewing on his food. I never thought that he was a glutton.

“I think something is really bothering you” Sehun spoke again.

“ha?” I asked looking at him.

“well, you are playing with your fingers and your eyes might be directed to the sea but you are not seeing its beauty as it is right now” he explained looking back at me. I instantly stopped the movement of my fingers.

“you always do that if you’re bothered” he said with a little smile on his lips.

I do that? and he noticed it?

“so, tell me. What’s bothering you? I don’t want to see my girlfriend getting troubled without me knowing it” he egged me to speak up. I blushed hearing him say the phrase ‘my girlfriend’.

He’s been using that phrase on me and it is bothering me. Should I say that his previous statement is bothering me? Should I tell him that I am bothered by Chanyeol and Taeyeon’s quarrel too?

“uhmmm…. Errr…” I started out mumbling incoherent syllables. I don’t know how to say it. So, Sehun just spoke his guess.

“if it’s about Taeyeon and Chanyeol, I think hyung was just jealous” he chuckled a little before he continued, “I guess hyung really loves Taeyeon, because I never saw him acting that way even before when he was still with Minah. He has the most perfect control of his temper among the three of us. And she loves him just as much as he does”.

There is something else in Sehun’s eyes, in his tone of voice, there was something different in him when he spoke those things. It wasn’t pure delight and happiness. I can’t even say that it was present in his eyes. It would even seem like he was hurt, like he was in pain. And I can’t explain why I can see those in his eyes.

I mean, why would he be hurt? It’s not like he is gay, I am a living proof that he is not gay. I can definitely attest to that. He is straight. With Taeyeon? I don’t think it is possible. They don’t have a past together. I mean, they were barely acquaintances in high school.

“I was first…. I was first… I was the first one who saw her, the first one who noticed her, the first one who saved her, the first one who fell for her, the first one to find her again…. but…. But…. But, why did he get her? Why not me?”

The scene of Sehun crying and sobbing that night suddenly came back to me.

‘her’

Now, that I recalled, Sehun had an unrequited first love for ‘her’, for the woman that he never named, the woman that we never really talked about, the woman who’s the reason for his heartaches, the woman that Sehun loved and still loved.

I don’t know her.

I don’t want to know her.

But, I am curious of who she is. Curious of what she is like to make Sehun still love her even up to this very moment.

I fear knowing who she is.

I don’t know how I’ll feel towards her.

Should I be angry at her, for disregarding Sehun’s feelings? Should I hate her for being the cause of Sehun’s heartaches? Should I pity her for missing out the chance to be with Sehun? Should I be thankful to her because if their feelings were mutual before I wouldn’t be able to know Sehun more?

I looked at Sehun’s side profile. He was looking at the beach, enjoying the view of the people having fun in the beach. He looks happy but I know deep down he is sad and hurt. I just stared at him while he stared at the beach.

I breathed in deep as I gathered my courage to ask him the question that I never asked before.

“Se---“

I wasn’t able to ask him the question that I wanted to ask because Sehun suddenly stood up and scrammed towards the beach yelling, “Taeyeon doesn’t know how to swim!”

My eyes immediately followed his line of sight and I froze up to the sight that I was seeing.

My best friend who doesn’t know how to swim is trying to save a drowning boy.

“Taeyeon!” I screamed and ran after him but Chansung oppa stopped me from running completely to them. Kyuhyun oppa on the other hand ran after Sehun too while Yoona called Chanyeol who wasn’t anywhere near the area.

“Yeol, come back here, fast! Taeyeon…. Taeyeon’s in danger!” Yoona cried on the phone and in a span of seconds Chanyeol came running to the scene. Sehun and Kyuhyun were already on their way back. Sehun held Taeyeon while Kyuhyun got the kid. Both Taeyeon and the kid were unconscious.

“T-t-t-t-taeyeon!” was what Chanyeol could only mutter when Sehun came to shore with Taeyeon in his arms. Kyuhyun came following with the kid and immediately the parents of the kid went near Kyuhyun. Chanyeol rushed towards Taeyeon but Sehun ward him off.

“GET OUT OF THE WAY!” Sehun’s voice boomed making all of us flinch. It seemed that Sehun was possessed by some spirit because he wasn’t acting like how he did previously.

I felt a sudden chill in my spine when Sehun suddenly spoke that way. I’ve only seen him angry once and that was when Taeyeon was rushed in the hospital and I ranted on him. Sehun had the same angry glint in his eyes. He looked like he can kill anyone who would stand in his way. He is angry, very angry and I am scared of him.

Sehun laid Taeyeon on the beach and performed CPR on Taeyeon. He was about to do mouth-to-mouth resuscitation but Chanyeol stopped him. “Don’t kiss her!” Chanyeol said

“would you do the CPR then?!” Sehun retorted and it shut Chanyeol up. Sehun was about to proceed in doing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation when Chanyeol stopped him again. Sehun shrugged Chanyeol off and reminded him, “I am a doctor hyung, and saving lives is what I do. So, please just get over your petty jealousy issues”

I felt the same urge that Chanyeol had. I wanted to stop Sehun. I wanted his lips not to touch Taeyeon’s. I don’t want to see their lips touch even if it was just because he wanted to save Taeyeon. I wanted to yell at him and stop him. But I couldn’t and I shouldn’t.

As Sehun performed CPR on Taeyeon all of us were just silently praying and were on the edge seeing Taeyeon lifeless and not breathing. Three tries, three tries was all it take before Taeyeon finally got back to consciousness.

“Taeyeon!” we all called out in unison. Taeyeon sat up with the help of Sehun as she continued to cough and tried to normalize her breathing.

“is… is… the kid safe?” she asked as soon as she got herself normal and it is so like her. Caring, thoughtful and selfless.

“she’s okay now Taeng” Kyuhyun was the one who answered as he went near Taeyeon.

x“don’t ever do that again you made all of us go through hell worrying about you” I scolded her as my tears rolled down my eyes. I tried hard to say my words clearly, fighting my sobs in disrupting my speaking ability.

“you should have called Kyuhyun or Chansung oppa to go and save the kid awhile ago. You know very well that you don’t know how to swim yet you placed your life on the line just like that” Tiffany then lectured her too.

“I’m sorry, hehe” she smiled at the two of us and we both hugged her.

“Taeyeon,” Chanyeol finally spoke up making Taeyeon look to his direction. But the warmth in her eyes that Tiffany and I both saw soon vanished and was replaced with her cold and deathly stare. Chanyeol did not utter a single word after they’ve locked their gazes.

As they stare at each other, every one of us went silent. We are all aware of the couple’s fight but we don’t know what their progress in fixing their problem is. Taeyeon was the first one who looked away and faced Kyuhyun.

“Oppa, can you please bring me to my room? I want to rest” she requested Kyuhyun and he complied to her request. I looked at Chanyeol’s face and saw how much it contoured with utter pain and hurt. While Sehun’s expression was just blank, dead and unreadable.

As Kyuhyun walked back with Taeyeon in his arms, we were all left silent. Chanyeol dropped his head low and walked to somewhere we don’t know, probably to reflect on his actions, Sehun followed Kyuhyun along with Tiffany.

--------------------------------------

I am currently playing with the sand on my feet. We just had dinner, Taeyeon didn’t join us. Tiffany and I brought her food to their room. We just chatted a little, Tiffany and I avoided asking her why they are fighting with Chanyeol.

I can hear the festivities from a few meters away from me. Taeyeon and I are left here in the villa while the others went to party, I didn’t want to party and told them that I want to stay behind with Taeyeon. I guess Chanyeol didn’t go too but he’s not in the villa as of the moment. Sehun wanted to stay behind but I pushed him to go with them.

I’ve been sort of avoiding Sehun. I am overwhelmed by his presence, disturbed by his reactions, and curious about his first love. I fear that anything that I say to him regarding those things would make our relationship sour and make things awkward between the two of us. I wouldn’t know what to do too if I find out who she is.

I can’t fully explain what I am feeling right now. I feel anxious at the same time angry, disappointed and inferior. I f