Stumbling along the way I carried her to the house. Her body felt so heavy and it was killing me. In my head, the voice kept ringing. “You did this to her” I placed her on my bed and wrapped a cloth and bandaged her neck tightly. Then I bit my wrist and drained a cup of blood. This could potentially kill her with this amount but she was losing blood she needed blood in her body. I poured it in with trembling hands but it only flowed out of . She’s not swallowing all of it.  The colour of her pale skin turned blue indicating she wasn’t breathing properly. Her heart was slowly dying.

“Come on Pup! Please just please” I hugged her tightly against me. Rocking her back and fro to stop myself from trembling. Tears were flowing down wetting her face and I tried to wipe them away but my sight was blurred. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry!” my voice grew louder and repetitively I said them over rocking her.

Night fell soon and there was no improvement. Her breath stopped already and her heart I could not feel it anymore. I rubbed my hands across her arm to warm her cold skin. My back was leaning on the headboard with her in my arms. My head was buried in her hair. Silence filled the house and the only sound heard was my shaky breathing.

Dawn came and I did not sleep. Lifting my head I looked at the time. It has been a day and Pup was not waking up. I gently placed her lifeless body on the bed and slowly stood up looking at her. My eyes was red and swelled a lot but it did not stop the tears forming and flowing out. Memories of her filled my mind but all of them had those eyes. The eyes of fear, loneliness and sadness. “You don’t deserve her”  a voice said. I shook my head as I’m breaking down again. “No, she stays” another voice said. “You’re a disgrace” the voice said again and it echoed into my mind.

Losing myself I shook her again but more violently. “Come on Pup! Get up now! Why can’t you just open your eyes!” her head fell back and I let her go and started to destroy anything I saw. I was angry at myself and soon the room was left with everything trashed and papers gliding down. I fell to my knees and tears no longer came out. Everything was in a mess especially inside of me.

2am I kept track of time. I was curled on the floor and looking at Pup’s body on the bed. Watching her still chest still hoping little movements.  “I love you” I whispered weakly for the 100^th time. Walking over to her I hugged her dead body. I decided I will lie here until I died. Exhaustion took over me and I fell in a deep slumber.  For once I slept through the night without any interruption. My body was too numb to wake up.

“no no. I’m fine. I thought you were” I her head. “I tried to wake you but you didn’t wake up papa”

“Sorry, I was too tired over worrying you and Pup, I’m sorry about what I did to you” I whispered and looked down to see her face. Pup pulled away from my grasp and looked at me as the memories were slowly returning to her. She sadly smiled. “It’s okay. It was my fault for leaving after all. It wasn’t you who hurt me it was L right?” that took me by surprised and my lips sealed firmly. “Pup next time if you have any problems come to me okay?” I sweetly smiled at her and she returned it. She started the squirm and dragged her body to the headboard. Sitting against it. She was still weak and I took her hand in mine feeling it warming my cold hands.

The voices in my head has calmed down but the words stayed imprinted into my head. Do I really deserve her?

“No don’t hurt her anymore”

 “Yes she wants to”

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Author's note

Sorry this chapter was kinda rushed. Oh well.. I just wanted to update asap for you guys. Cause I love you guys!! hehehe

Yay she's alive. It was too soon for her to die so I decided she should be alive.....for now heheheh. I'll update another chapter today

Thanks for reading

--Saranghae (=^x^=)