After the dinner with Katy, I did feel better temporarily. Although I was still uncertain how I wanted to proceed, I knew no matter what I had to talk to Kyungsoo even if I was unsure what I even wanted to accomplish. I had texted him earlier today that when he had time,  we needed to talk. 

"Hey, what's up? You said you wanted to talk? Should I be afraid? Is everything okay?", Kyungsoo questioned immediately, his words speeding through his mouth. 

"Define okay", I laughed lightly not know what else to do. "But I just wanted to talk about us", I began as Kyungsoo sat on my bed and gave me his full attention. I watched as his fingers began to fiddle with another as he just continued staring at me waiting for me to continue. "First off, you know how much I like spending time with you right? You're an amazing guy", I started.

"You're not breaking up with me are you?", he asked in a whisper.

"How can we break up if we're not technically in a relationship?", I replied back hesitantly getting straight into the conversation. I saw the pain dart across his eyes as his fiddling stopped completely. Just as I was about to continue, Kyungsoo slipped his hand over mine.

"Listen, I figured we would have this conversation sooner or later. I know you're here for another 2 months or so. I know you have a boyfriend and I know that we're not technically in a relationship. But that doesn't mean my feelings for you will change", he said. 

"Well my boyfriend and I are on a break right now ...", I frowned at the other issue at hand. I knew we were on a break but that didn't mean he wasn't still in my life. It didn't mean that I no longer had any feelings for him because I did. I have feelings for both of them.    

"Oh then, isn't that a good thing? Kind of? It solves one problem right?", he perked up. I gave him a small smile but it was one filled with uncertainty. "Do you love him?"

"I do. We've been together for 7 years ...", I breathed out not knowing how else to answer.

"W-What about me?", Kyungsoo asked, his eyes expressing a new sadness yet hope. "You have feelings for me too right?"

"Of course I do Kyungsoo. Or we wouldn't be in this predicament. I like you so much but I just don't know what to do right now. The simple answer is to be together for the time I'm here. But what happens when I leave?", I asked.

"I don't want to stop seeing you. To stop talking to you. Even if you are in a different place and different time, I still want to be with you no matter what", he voiced causing the lump in my throat begin to form. 

"Long distance isn't easy. Your schedule is already so packed and mine will be too. What if we end up breaking up on bad terms? I don't want that to ever happen", I whispered and looked down. Kyungsoo squeezed my hand and tilted my chin up to look at him. It was significantly easier to see each other since we lived in the same building but living in two different places better yet different continents was a whole new can of problems.

"Hey, hey, that won't happen", he spoke. "We can make it work ... somehow". I knew Kyungsoo was sincere in his thoughts but that didn't stop the doubts I heard in his tone. I knew he genuinely wanted to make it work. But saying and doing are two different things and I knew that it could end in disaster. "I can come see you in New York and you can come to Korea?", he smiled slightly. 

"You're an idol. What if you get caught. That could be a huge blow to your career and worst case scenario---"

"--If by some chance that happens, I'll just move to New York. I've always wanted to travel anyway. We can travel the world together", he grinned. I couldn't help but smile at his attempt at covering up the real issues we were trying to tackle.  

"Kyungsoo, your dream is to be a singer. To be on the stage. And that's exactly what you're going to do", I asserted. There was no way in hell I would make Kyungsoo give up his dream, the one he's worked so hard to achieve. 

"I can do both. We can do long distance, I'm sure of it", he said with a renewed vigor. "I don't have much free time but when I do, we will be together even if it means through a phone or computer screen. I can even write you letters!", he explained. I couldn't help but feel some sort of relief as I heard him ranting about the ways we could keep in touch.  

Am I just being too pessimistic? Can this really work?, I thought to myself. I looked at Kyungsoo's face, the handsome boy in front of me who with no words needed, can make me smile a million times over.

I still wasn't certain but then Katy's words popped into my head about just being with him. Spend the time I have left with him, here, now, in the present. And then as a light bulb went off in my head, I pushed my doubts away. I knew we would have to deal with this is