~~~~~~~~~Back in Korea (two weeks later)~~~~~~~~~~

I've been having similar dreams almost every night. I would see my family smile at me. My mom would be in the kitchen writing in her cookbook and my dad in the yard building something out of wood planks. My brother would be racing among competitive swimmers in a swim meet.

I started off each day recovering from a completely different dream each night. I kept myself busy by going to classes and practiced makeup. I came up with new looks that I could use for MBLAQ or suggest to the rest of the coordis. I've become even more absorbed into my work. I've discovered a new passion when I picked up every brush and pallete with a fresh feeling. It was unknwon what I was feeling, but I grew accostomed to it.

At the moment I was back at my apartment. It was 6:00am and I was lying awake in bed staring at the ceiling. I would have to be at the main building at 8am.

Frustrated that I could not even fall asleep for another 15 minutes, I dragged myself out of bed and into the bathroom.

I the hot water in the shower and took a look at myself. The bruises on my chest were faint and barely even noticeable. The scars on my face have healed and my even skin coming back. The only thing that hasn't changed was the circles around my eyes. I sighed and stepped into the shower after the mirror fogged up.

After my shower, I took a look at my color-coded closet, searching for the clothes that I would want to wear in this weather. The sky was gray and I suspected a shower coming along. The streets were snowy and the only colors you would see were white and gray. It was very depressing but at the same time, it completely matched how I was feeling inside.

After 10 minutes or so of going through my closet, I wore a black and blue striped v-neck sweater with my skinny jeans. For my jacket, I wore my peacoat and wrapped a scarf around my neck. I was going to wear my suede ankle boots.

I made my way to my dresser and started on making my face presentable. I applied eyeliner and curled my lashes. I applied mascara on my lashes and darkened my brows a little bit. Lastly, I applied chapstick to my dried lips.

I grabbed my phone and ipod and put them in my bag and headed to my kitchen. I grabbed a muffin and a mug of coffee to-go. I headed out to my car and drove to the building.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

15 minutes were left and I took my time to get to the buidling. The boys were going to attend a photoshoot today and do a sound check for their Music Bank performance tomorrow.

Seungho entered the room right when I was about to go get something from my car. He didn't meet eyes and went to the back of the room.

"Morning," I mumbled to him. I don't know why, but seeing him makes my knees wobble. Damn, I need to stop.

I decided that I didn't need my mints anymore so I turned away quickly and headed back to the counter, took a sip of coffee and unpacked my makeup box that I would need to use. I took a look at MBLAQ'S schedule so I could become familiar with hell. If I didn't get my sleep, I would be a zombie.

He didn't aknowledge me but it's not like I care.

"Morning noona!" Cheondung and Mir greeted as they walked in.

"Morning!" Luna and Mina chimed at the same time. I almost burst out laughing at that.

"Not you noonas!" Mir said.

"We meant Jikyung noona!" he said loudly.

Mina and Luna pretended not to hear and talked to themselves.

I rolled my eyes and cleaned the brushes.

"Morning," Mark greeted as he set his things on the counter beside me. Mark had been my guy bestfriend ever since we were in the 6th grade. I had my girl best friends but Mark understood me the most and we were even family friends, which made us grow even closer. His mom and dad treat me like their own daughter.

"Morning," I said back to him.

"Let's go out for ramyun later aight?" Mark said as he spoke in his gansterish tongue.

"Cool bro," I replied. He poked my arm and laughed.

If I were to describe Mark, I would have to compare him to celebrities I've seen in person before.

First of all, he was as tall as Kim Kibum aka Key from SHINee. He had muscles like Jonghyun, and a haircut like Lee Gikwang. He had fashion sense like Leetuk and Seungri collaborated. He could've pased for a celebrity. Even some talent searchers have tried to stalk him before. He had double eyelids and manly feautures. He could've landed a girlfriend long long ago, but I think he still likes a coordi from another band.

After the rest of MBLAQ and Manager Kim gave the boys a talk, we got to work.

It was my duty to do Joon's and G.O.'s makeup and look today. I was going to do their makeup and then try different style of clothing on them. They were doing a early Spring photoshoot for a magazine.

Joon took a seat in the chair in front of me and sat still.

I didn't say anything because I was mostly in a bad mood. Even if I didn't show it, I would barely laugh or smile. I put a headband around Joon's head to keep his bangs out of his face.

I started concealing his face. I covered the tiniest moles and started with the powder foundation. We were going with neutral today and the boys were going to dress in mostly whites and blues. After I finished with foundation I used very neutral eyeshadow on his eyes and brought out his feautures with white eyeshadow. I darkened his brows and it was my turn to talk.

"Smile please," I said quietly. Joon did as told and smiled with goofy facial expressions. He did peace signs and tried aegyo on me.

"Very funny, now smile," I ordered. He pouted and I rolled my eyes.

"You seemed down," he said to me.

"Thanks for trying," I said, a little to quickly.

I took off his headband and styled his hair. His hair was a darker shade of brown now and it was shorter. For the first time, I gelled his hair up a little and it actually looked really good on him.

"Go try on the clothes I matched and come back," I said.

"Araso," he answered before going to the clothes rack.

G.O. hopped onto his seat and blinked at me furiously.

I raised my brow and he was trying to be cute like Joon.

"Aing?" he tried with his elbows propped on the counter.

"Sit still," I said. He did as told and mumbled: "Just trying......"

I used the same makeup on him as I did for Joon. I matted down the parts of his hair that was standing up. As I turned to set the hairbrush down, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me in the mirror.

Seungho looked at me as Mina was fixing his hair. He didn't break contact with me and seemed very comfortable in his position. Stunned, I dropped the brush onto the counter a little too harshly and I scared myself.

"Are you okay?" G.O. asked me.

"Me? Of course," I answered quickly.

"Now go change and come back," I added. He hopped off of his chair and Joon came just in time. I studdied his outfit and motioned for him to turn with my finger. He did a 360 spin and I nodded in satisfaction.

I took a step closer to him and rolled up his sleeves to make it look more casual. He looked good in an all white outfit since he was so built and since he was fairly tall. I told him to tuck the front of his flannel shirt in to reveal his belt. I clapped once and smiled to myself.

"All good," I said. He thanked me and went away to talk to Manager Kim.

I turned around to G.O. who was fiddling with his jacket. I sighed and fixed the zipper. I zipped it up and took a step back.

"Woaaaah," I yelped as I fell backwards.

I felt a pair of hands around my waist and looked up after opening my eyes.

"Watch it woman," Seungho growled as he pushed me back up, a little too harshly.

G.O. smiled at me suspiciously and I zipped his jacket back down. Actually, I forced it back down.

I rolled up the bottom of his jeans to create a beachy affect. I fixed his t-shirt to reveal his belt and we were all done. At the same moment the rest of the boys were done and we watched them take pictures individually and as a group. The photoshoot lasted for a long time and we took turns taking a coffee break. Some guys needed touch-up and we tended to them as needed.

Mark and I took our coffee break and took a seat in the lounge chairs, near where the pictures were being taken. The whole studio was an open space. One side were the counters and mirrors where the makeup was done. One corner were the dressing rooms with curtains each creating a cubicle. The other wall was where all of the lighting and cameras were and a whole other wall with cabinets and shelves full of props. Another corner had computers with pictures of the latest snapshot.

"Lunch everyone!" Manager Kim announced.

"No more ramyun?" I joked with Mark as many bento boxes were being delivered.

We set down our mugs and went with the crowd as bento boxes were being delivered. After Mark and I got ours we went back to the couches and opened them.

"Woah, this is legit," Mark gleamed.

"You are obsessed with sushi aren't you?" I asked.

"This is the special kind," he informed me.

I rolled my eyes and took a bite of the sushi. It actually tasted a little different, a little too familiar. I took a second bite and forced myself to swallow. I was doing so well. Now that the food in this bento box tasted very much like my mother's cooking, I had a hard time eating. My head started to ache and I felt uneasy. I set down my food, half of it untouched.

Mina, Jake, Kevin, and Mark looked at me.

"Excuse me," I said quietly. I gripped onto the side of my shirt and wiped my cold sweat away from my forehead. I had to run to the restroom but it felt as if I had to drag myself to the door. I climbed the stairs to the second floor and almost collapsed by the stairwell.

"Jinjja," I whispered with no breath as I forced the door opened. I ran to a stall and threw up everything I had ingested. I flushed and went to the sink to clean my face. My back was no longer straight and my sight, a little blurry. I threw water at my face, forcing myself to stay conscious. I took a couple of steps toward the door. As I was about to exit, I slipped backwards and hit my head on the hard surface.

I tried my best to get up but I struggled. I fell backwards again and everything around me was a blur. I felt like I was twirling in cirlces.

"Ms, are you alright?"

"Hyung-JIKYUNG!"

"What the-"

I felt myself lean forward with aid. I was shaking and before I knew it, my mind went black and my head drooped forward.