I sat down in the terminal waiting area and looked at my watch. With thirty minutes to spare, I looked around me. The airport was filled with people talking on their phones, using their laptops, or shopping in the giftshops. I listened to my music trying to distract myself and get my mind off of things. When would I stop feeling this way? Would going to Japan really help me forget about him? What would I do in Japan? I sighed as I thought about my hasty decision. I was so stupid but I had already brought myself here and quit my job. What else could I possibly do in Seoul. As I noticed someone sitting next to me, I moved my bag, giving him leg space. I slightly nodded toward him and he did the same. He was wearing shades and a beanie. Why was he looking at me like that? A little creeped out, I focused on my song. MBLAQ'S Run shuffled on, quickly, I changed the song. Then, I noticed about half of my playlist was MBLAQ. I pulled out my earphones and examined my fingernails. 

"Jikyung," said the male next to me. Suprised, my head jerked to the left immediately. He lowered his glasses and smiled at me. 

"Mwoh?" I asked, pointing at him. 

"So it is you. Annyeong and what are you doing here?" Eli asked me. 

"I'm on vacation. I heard you're doing a CF?" I asked. 

"How'd you know? Vacation? I thought you were working for MBLAQ," he asked.

"Well at Cheondung's party, Kevin and Soohyun explained your absence," I replied. He nodded and asked me immediately again,

"How about you? Is MBLAQ not active right now?" he questioned, curious.

"I quit," I confessed. 

"Quit?" he repeated, trying to figure something out.

"I ran away. No one will know that I quit until they see my letter I left at the office," I told him, guiltily. 

"Did they treat you badly? Why did you run away?" he asked me again. 

"I ran away from facing my problems. I was too scared to admit my feelings for someone," I started. He nodded and listened more closely.

"Were you afraid to get hurt?" he proposed.

"Ani, I was afraid of hurting someone if I chose someone over that someone," I said quietly.

"Ah, I see how it is. I know exactly what you mean," he nodded. Glad to know that he tried to understand made me feel a little relieved. After a while of silence, he spoke again. 

"It's amazing what love does to us doesn't it? It makes us feel as if we are living in a drama on TV," he started. I was utterly confused.

"If you and that someone are meant for each other, I think that any other bystander will be able to see it. What I'm trying to say is," he said while looking at me, "-is that, that person who you didn't intend on choosing, most likely would be very upset however, if they saw the connection between you and your special someone, I believe that they will wish you the best," he finished. This was so confusing without names but somehow, I knew what he was referring to. He wanted me to know that Cheondung would not blame me and that it was okay to love Seungho.

"Oh, that's my flight. See you soon Jikyung," he told me, while getting up. I got up as well. After putting on his backpack, he put his palm on my shoulder.

"I know he really likes you from the glares I recieve. I hope you guys will turn out well together," he winked. I apparently had a surprised look on my face as he said,

"It's very obvious you guys like each other." before patting my head and leaving. I waved to him before he started onto the ramp. I sat back down and looked up at the high celing. 

"Is it really that obvious?" I murmered. All of a sudden, I came to my senses.

"That's my flight too!" I gasped. I grabbed my bag and quickly went to board the plane. I was the second to last person to board and I was relieve that I hadn't zoned out too long. I sat in my seat next to a mother and her child. Eli had helped me face myself and I realized that Seungho was who I really wanted to choose. Now I had one more question. What the heck would I do in Japan? Shaking my head, I closed my eyes and sat back in my seat.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I was on my knees for hours now. All of my family, relatives, and friends were here, paying my grandfather a last visit. My mother was comforting my father who rarely cried. My brother, cousins, and I were seated near each other while my aunts were comforting my grandmother and each other. The atmosphere was undoubtedly gloomy and somber. My grandfather's chronic illness was something everyone knew that he would not survive. There was nothing we could do about it. My grandmother, my poor grandmother. My grandfather had always taken extra good care of her. I admired him for that. He would never let her do anything that would tire her out. Instead, he took care of everything such as cooking and cleaning. He was a good man that I looked up to ever since I had learned to walk. 

Unable to bear it any longer, my aunts and uncles had to leave the room to cry to their hearts' content. They had been suppressing it for too long.

"Hyung, let's go out for a bit," my brother suggested. I nodded and we went to grab some water. 

We sat on the bench outside and I noticed my brother wiping away his tears. I patted him on his back and he nodded. On this cheerless night the stars shined brightly. Just as I was going to close my eyes, my phone vibrated. 

"Yobosayo?" I answered.

"Hyung, where did you go? You disappeared so suddenly?" Mir asked.

"I'm paying my grandfather his last visit. My grandfather passed away earlier in the day," I told him, without much energy left in me. First Jikyung and now I felt even worse because I had not been there to see my grandfather before he passed away. I didn't tell him how much I loved him.

"Hyung..." Mir called. He didn't sound like he knew what to say.

"Now that you know where I am, go back to the party and don't tell anyone yet. I don't want them to worry and enjoy the night. Arasso?" I asked.

"But..wouldn't..." he trailed off.

"I should go now. I'll talk to you later," I said before hanging up. 

"You ready to go back in?" I asked my brother. He nodded and followed me back inside. We stayed with our grandfather past midnight. When we went back home to wash and come back for the funeral, it was about 5am in the morning. My father was drained of color, looking very defeated.

"Appa," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder. He nodded and patted my shoulder before going into his room and closing the door. I suspected he needed some alone time. 

"Seungho, you are too thin these days," my umma stressed. 

"I'm still fat in the eyes of my fans," I joked, although I knew it was not a joke. My mom looked surprised and just shook her head at me. I gave her a quick hug and went to take a shower and close my eyes for a bit. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Ah, kamsahamnida for watching my baby," the lady next to me thanked. 

"It's no problem," I told her. She had apparently digested something bad and needed to take care of it. The baby was pure evil. Making sure he didn't move was one thing but the other was trying to hush him up. I was even interpreted as his mother by some ahjummas on the airplane. I had to keep my cool and try my best to quiet the baby. Now that the mother was back, we were preparing to get off the airplane. 

I grabbed my luggages and headed over to the bus that took me to my hotel. The drive there was an hour and when I finally checked in, I set my things aside and jumped onto my bed. I was so exhausted that I fell into a deep sleep. Although it was bright in Seoul, the curtains did a great job of blocking the sun out. I would decide what to do with my time later. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Thank you for coming," my cousins, brother, and I thanked our family friends as they had sent our grandfather off. 

I recieved a lot of comments from them. It was quite embarassing how they mentioned my charisma on stage, especially coming from people who had known me my whole life. I just nodded and thanked them for watching my performances. 

"Let's go eat now," my father suggested. Our family and relatives started to their cars, heading to the restaurant we had all agreed on. 

I stayed behind a little, staying with the members of MBLAQ. They had heard from Mir and showed up at the funeral as well as the burial. 

"Thanks for coming," I thanked them. 

"No problem," they said in unison. Our manager had come as well to show support for me and my family.

"Don't feel pressured to come back if you're not ready," he told me, patting my shoulder. I nodded.

"Thank you," I told him.

"Take care, Seungho-sshi," he smiled. Because MBLAQ had a recording later, they had to leave. I followed my family in my car and drove to the restaurant. Right when I got off my car, I was bombarded with news reporters and I had a hard time shrugging them off. Instead, my fans did that for me. I was taken off guard for their sudden understanding in needing some space. Could they have possibly found out that my grandfather passed away? Taking this chance, I quickly zoomed out of the crowd into the restaurant. I took my seat at the table and through the doors I could hear,

"YANG SEUNGHO HWAITING HWAITING HWAITING!" I thanked them in my head but I was a little flustered as my relatives were looking at me. I cleared my throat and took a sip of water.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"IGE MWOYAH? Jikyung noona left?!"

"SHE QUIT?"

"BUT I ACTUALLY LIKED HER,"

"I can't believe she did this after Seungho confessed,"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY CHEONDUNG?"

Did I just say that aloud? I rubbed my neck while they were asking me millions of questions as to what I meant. Without a choice, I explained what happened and they quieted down. 

"I can't believe she quit,"

"Yobosayo?" I answered.

"Hey hyung," Eli called.

"Oh, hey, what's up? How's your CF going?" I asked.

"It's going great. I heard about Seungho, how is he doing?" he asked.

"I think he's okay although he looks a little bothered," I replied.

"Have you heard about Jikyung?" he asked me.

"How did you know that she quit?" I asked, surprised. Now everyone in the car was looking at me. 

"I saw her at the airport last night, I'm pretty sure she's somewhere in Japan right now," he notified. 

"JAPAN?" everyone exclaimed. The members had such good hearing although I wasn't on speaker phone.

"Japan? Well did she tell you why she's there?" I questioned. After that, he told me everything in summary. How she was afraid to hurt the person she rejected. Although Eli had no clue that guy was me, I knew clearly that she didn't want me to be sad. The stupid and absurd reason why she left us. I had to let Seungho know. After getting off the phone with him, once again, I was bombarded with more questions. 

"We have to let hyung know. I can't watch this any longer. I can't watch them like this anymore," I declared. They all nodded and agreed that this was the way to go. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After I took a shower, I changed into this.

And after doing my makeup, I ate the cup ramyun I had brought with me. It was time to explore Tokyo freely without having to follow a schedule like I did back then. While finishing up my ramyun, I turned my phone back on. I had over twenty missed calls. They were from Seungho himself. Guilt and regret washed over me. I had turned off my phone and worried him. He left voicemails and I sensed his worried and panicked state through the messages. Would it be alright for me to call him back, and would he be mad? What would I say? I wanted to call back but I was so embarassed. I felt like a child having making consecutive lies. I lied about how I felt about him and how I didn't need him. I lied that I would be going to the restroom. What would happen if he asked where I was? I would avoid it for now. I made my way down to the lobby and took a taxi. It was time for me to explore the shops in Japan. I still needed time to let my choice sink in. I needed to sort out my feelings for the last time before doing anything thing else.

Just then, as I passed by an electronic store, something caught my eye. It was Seungho. I edged toward the glass to take a better look at the television. I didn't understand and I couldn't read Japanese but I knew for one thing that this news wasn't good news. As if to help me understand it better, I assumed a couple of Korean girls were fans because I heard the words Seungho and funeral. I collapsed onto my knees.

"Miss, miss, are you alright?" a couple of people asked. I shook my head 'no'. I had to rush back to Korea. Seungho, he couldn't be...

I got up and ran as quick as I could, ignoring the cars honking and people shouting, earning me angry comments from the public. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seriously. I could not believe what I just heard. How childish could she get? Was running away a way to solve her problems? This girl is just asking me to fetch her back from Japan. I packed my duffle bag and told my brother I would be back soon. I did not tell him where I would be heading to but that I had a mission to accomplish. 

I got into my car and drove to the airport.

I would take the next flight to Japan and I was going to make sure I catch her and that she would realize that running away will never be an option again.