68) 'Sinning out of love'

Sometimes because of love you become so selfish, that you forget you have no right on someone else’s life.. But how can you control yourself, when you know that this might be your only chance to have him close to you?

You feel this is not about what might happen tomorrow.. is about living these moments and even if  the magic won’t last forever, will always be inside your heart for you to cherish it whenever loneliness will rot away your soul..

I don’t know why I did this… I just needed him.. I was wrong.. I might now lose my last hope.. but.. I’ll just keep things like that until a new dawn will ruin everything.. I’m praying every minute so that the day I fear the most will never come..

I kept telling my friend my stupid reasons, thinking that this way I’ll get rid of the pain that my conscience constantly gives to my heart… She tried everything to convince me, yet I couldn’t accept reality.. I had to get on with my fake world..

Friend: “Even if you know this is not right, you’re still doing it.. I don’t want you to be hurt..”

Me: “I will not.. I’ll be fine.. ”

Friend: “Well.. where is he? I didn’t see him around.. ”

Me: “He went for a walk by the lake..”

Friend: “Hm.. you should go to him.. He’s still recovering..”

She smiled and stood up, grabbing her bag and then she told me to take care and think again about all this.. I saw her out the house, then went back to my room to change my clothes.. She was right.. I had to check if he was ok.. Too much time has passed since he left..

I took the keys and got outside, closing the front door.. I decided to take my bike, to get there faster.. The weather was mild, even if it was rumoured a storm will come soon.. Nothing out of normal in this part of the country.. Still… for me that had another meaning.. a storm could easily wash out my hopes, my happiness… my life…

The wind gently blew through my hair, making it difficult for me to see things in front.. I had to put it behind my ear every few seconds, while holding the handle bar with one hand.. There weren’t many people around, since it was almost sunset time..

After 15 minutes I got there.. I kept looking for his bike, while walking beside mine, turning my head from left to right, getting quite worried.. I then saw something laying on the ground near the lake.. I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure it out what was there…

I felt as if my heart was ripped by an invisible knife when I recognised the person.. I threw the bike and ran towards him, forgetting about everything else, even breathing.. I saw him down on the grass, with his eyes closed and with his hands wide opened, holding in one a bouquet of white and blue flowers..

I kneeled down and shook him, feeling like crying.. He opened his eyes slowly, looking at me all confused and scared.. got up, running his hand through his golden like wheat hair, pouting..

“You scared me!”

Me: “I scared you? I thought I’ll die when I saw you like this.. What were you doing?”

“I just layed here to rest a bit.. guess I fell asleep..”

Me: “Sleeping at this hour? ”

“You know I am a morning deer.. I need my afternoon nap.. he he..”

Me: “God.. never scare me like that again, Luhan!”

He smiled and pinched my cheek, then he raised his hand slowly, making big eyes when seeing the wilting flowers.. I chuckled, telling him it didn’t matter.. still beautiful enough to melt my heart..

*

I was preparing the dinner while Luhan kept moving around me, asking how should he help me, what’s there to do, how is this dish made, is it too difficult..

Me: “Ah.. stop it.. lol.. why are you so nervous?”

Luhan: “I never help you.. I feel bad about that..”

Me: “That’s not true.. you’re here with me.. what more could I ask for?”

Luhan: “I am.. still.. I’m not the same anymore.. I wish I..”

Me, covering his mouth: “Shh.. don’t say that.. you’re still the one I used to love.. you’ll never change.. ”

Luhan: “Why do you love me so much?”

Me: “Because you’re my life.. without you my heart will not beat anymore.. I’ll be lost..”

I grabbed both his hands, getting them close to my chest, while looking at him.. My whole body ached, feeling him so close. I hugged him, crying slowly.. He asked me what happened.. Why was I acting like this all of a sudden.. I just wanted him near me, that’s all.. I needed him..

Me: “Luhan.. please promise me that no matter what might happen, you’ll never leave me..”

Luhan: “What are you talking about? Why should I leave you?”

Me: “Please… promise..”

Luhan: “Yes.. I promise.. now calm down.. let me wipe those tears away.. I want to see only your smile..”

Me: “He he… I’m so clumsy… sorry..”

Luhan: “My angel.. oh.. you forgot about the oven.. the food!”

Me: “Aish.. pabo.. few more minutes and would have burnt..”

Luhan: “No problem.. we would have made something else.. he
he.. can I try it?”

I was about to tell him it was still hot, but he was already near the plate, taking a bit with the spoon and trying it.. He then spited it out, waving his hand, while his eyes got teary.. I went to him and looked at his face, gently scolding him for acting like a child..

He pointed to his mouth, leaning forward.. I chuckled then kissed his little boo-boo, but he kind of cheated making this a long kiss.. He cupped my face while doing this, making me move backwards until I touched the wall..

I could feel my body trembling of joy, when he started kissing me gently, making his way down to my neck.. I then pushed him away.. He made big eyes at me, asking what happened..

Me: “Behave yourself, Mr Lu!”

Luhan, pouting: “Hm.. let’s eat.. ”

*

We kept laughing while getting inside the house.. It was the best picnic in my life, because he was there.. I let down my backpack, looking for my slippers, when he backhugged me, kissing my head.. I turned around and smiled.. He decided to make some lemonade, while I went upstairs to change in something more comfortable..

I was rummaging through my closet, wondering where did I put that t-shirt, when I heard my phone ringing.. I went to pick it from the bedside table, frowning when seeing the number.. I tried to calm down and answered..

Me: “Yeoboseyo?”

Voice: “Long time dear…”

Me: “What do you want?”

Voice: “Can’t I call my cousin to ask how is she doing?”

Me: “You have no right to call me like that.. speak..”

Cousin: “He he.. actually.. I am in front of your house.. would you mind opening the door for me?”

I was so shocked when hearing this, I almost felt like falling down.. I ran outside the room, trying to not make any noise, so that Luhan won’t come.. I opened the front door to see my cousin sitting on a black luggage, smirking at me.. I got near him, asking why was he here..

Cousin: “You know exactly what my reason is.. we didn’t finish our discussion..”

Me: “There is nothing else to talk about..”

“Who is it?”

Luhan came outside, holding two glasses of lemonade.. My cousin’s face made me get so worried, that my heart started beating faster and faster.. Luhan offered me a glass, smiling.. I told him he was someone who needed some directions to find a house and asked him to wait for me inside..

Cousin: “Well well.. what do you know.. ”

Me: “Stay out of it..”

Cousin: “Why should I? I now have you in the palm of my hand..”

Me: “Don’t you dare..”

Cousin: “Ha ha… scared? I don’t give a damn about him.. but.. if this is the way to put my hands on those papers.. why not?”

Me: “I’ll never sell it.. you have no right on those lands..”

Cousin: “Your father stole them.. I wanted all back!”

Me: “My father never stole anything.. it was my grandpa’s last wish.. besides.. your family could never take care of our heritage.. you will sell it to the first who’ll offer you enough money to dress yourself with.. those lands are for our peasants..”

Cousin: “Why the hell are you so kind with those stupid pitiable creatures?”

Me: “Those creatures gave you food when you were little.. I will not allow you to take the only thing that helps them survive, just because you want to build your stupid malls and that factory that will only affect the nature… ”

Cousin: “You’re really getting on my nerves… if I open my mouth you’re finished..”

Me: “Get out of here!”

He grabbed my wrist, squeezing it, while staring with those cold evil eyes at me.. Luhan got outside again and pushed my cousin, warning him to stay away from me..

My cousin started laughing then he patted Luhan on the shoulder, telling him that he should not trust people like me, who will end up betraying others..

I yelled at him to leave, but right then Luhan asked him what was the meaning of his words.. My cousin kept speaking, even if I tried to make him stop..  Was this the day I never wanted to come? Why this the last day?

I’ve slapped my cousin, crying, but that only made things worse.. He started telling Luhan about everything, although I kept begging him not to..

While listening, Luhan was confused at first, but then he become more nervous, trembling.. I tried to convince him to get inside the house, but he didn’t listen to me..
 
As minutes passed, Luhan’s state worsened, until he started screaming while touching his head.. I asked him what happened.. I couldn’t stand seeing him like that.. He suddenly collapsed in my arms.. I started calling out his name, when I heard a car stopping near and my friend got out, running to us..

Friend: “What happened.. Why is he here? What have you done, beast?”

Cousin: “Nothing.. I am just telling the truth.. wait until the police will find out..”

Friend: “Get out of here or I swear I’ll tear you apart..”

Me,crying: “Luhan, please wake up.. Look at him! What’s happening?”

Friend: “I’ll call the ambulance.. but you must leave this place.. that rascal will definitely call the police..”

Me: “I can’t leave.. no.. I have to stay with him..”

Friend: “Are you crazy? You can’t remain here! Please! I’ll take care of Luhan! GO!”

She pushed me away, pointing to her car and told me to hide at her ranch.. I just couldn’t leave Luhan there, not in that state.. She yelled at me and I just ran crying out loud.. I drove like crazy, thinking what will happen with Luhan..

Everything was ruined..  I couldn’t stop it.. I was so helpless.. Why did it have to end like this? What will happen next? Will I ever see Luhan again?

*

I let the tray down on the table and sat near my friend, giving her a cup of tea.. She thanked me, smiling gently, then asked me how things went these days..

Me: “Good.. We finally have some peace here.. my cousin hasn’t come back for the papers.. Wonder why..”

Friend: “Knowing him.. he might have found a gullible woman and is now enjoying her fortune…”

Me: “Hm.. I’m glad that everyone is ok in the town.. The lands are safe now..”

Friend: “What about Luhan?”

Me, frowning: “Mmm.. probably at a concert..  they’re having their first world tour..”

Friend: “He never came back?”

Me: “Why would he? I betrayed him..”

Friend: “That was not your intention.. You did all this because you loved him..”

Me: “I took advantage of his accident… of his amnesia.. I’ve hidden him.. I’ve commited a delict.. I should be thankful to him that he didn’t denounce me to the police.. he instead said he kept wandering all this time, trying to relax…”

Friend: “If he did that.. then.. maybe he still loves you..”

Me: “No.. probably he felt pity towards me… ”

Friend: “Come on, honey! Cheer up! Trust me! Your pure love will erase all that you did.. In the end, thanks to you he’s now safe and sound… hadn’t you find him that day.. anyway.. I’ll take a leave now.. I’ll come to discuss about the idea of selling peasants’ vegetables in the big markets..”

Me: “Thank you! For everything!”

Friend: “Mention not, dear! And please, smile! That’s the only thing that can help us all to keep facing this world! Take care!”

I wanted to get up, but she said there was no need, as she knew the way out.. I sipped my cup of tea, looking at the sky..  Four months have passed since that incident.. He didn’t came back.. I never got to see him again after that day.. I only got a letter in which I was announced that there will be no charges against me, as I helped him recover..

I actually only hurt him all the time he was near me.. I lied to him.. I’ve betrayed him.. No one will believe that I did this because I loved him ever since I first saw his teaser..

I never thought I’ll be able to see him, but that day, when I was driving and saw the accident, that’s when I felt that maybe destiny was not as cruel as I used to think, that maybe my love will stand a chance..
 
I did wrong… No one should force love to blossom, because in the end, you’ll only pluck lifeless flowers.. Even if you love someone, you should never try to control his life.. That was a painful lesson for me..  one to remember..

I got up, letting out a sigh, feeling my hear heavy.. The day was about to let its soul be eaten by the dreadful darkness of the night, smiling one last time through that mild purple sunlight that made my hair shine..

I didn’t notice at first that a silhouette was fading in from the light, getting closer.. I then startled seeing him walking towards me, until we were so close that I could feel his breath gently caressing my face.. I tried to speak, but he rested his hand on my lips, shaking his head..

Luhan: “Shh.. don’t say anything.. look.. I don’t know why you’ve done all this… but I for sure know one thing.. hadn’t you find me back then, I wouldn’t be standing here.. also.. if that accident hadn't happened, I wouldn’t have had the luck to meet someone like you, who slowly filled my heart with joy and showed me what love is, giving a meaning to my life… I once promised you I’ll never leave you.. I couldn’t keep that promise..”

He grabbed my hand, kissing it gently, then looked into my eyes, telling me softly that from now on, I’ll never walk alone anymore through life.. He’ll always be there, no matter what..

And this time he’ll not make a promise.. because this time, that will not be necessarily, as promises sometimes are bound to easily be broken.. This time, his presence will be more than enough to show me that I’ll never have to face this life’s challenges all by myself..

From now on, we’ll be together forever.. From now on, our love will blossom, filling our souls with peace and joy, making them feel complete, making them become one..

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