Hey ValeKissme !
Read Read Read Review Shop (not accepting Requests)
My blood is cold as ice by Valekissme
Review by SHINee_DubuLoveXD
The Title (2/5)
When it comes to titles, it's better to caps lock the first letter of every word. The title is interesting but from the title alone it comes off a little cliché. Even if the story is not cliché at all, your title makes it seem so. A cold girl and then a male coming and melting the ice, that's what I would interpret just from the title alone. Doesn't it sound cliché?
Description and Foreword(6/10)
Description wise, there isn't really much content. It does raise some curiosity but mildly. It doesn't attract me as a reader to read the story because it's not exactly enough to let me have a rough idea on what the story is about. It just tells me that Deunghae is going to have a mission that somehow will involve feelings, and that is the whole basis of the story.
I would include a edited and improved foreword but you changed it. The new one isn't the best description but it is better than the previous. However, marks will still be on the previous description.
Foreword-wise, you took a road that many authors including myself took; it is to introduce the characters. It could be just me but the fonts you use for the decription isn't exactly the easiest to read and small too, it's not exactly the most attractive thing to have on a foreword or any story or chapter even.
The font and picture placement is a little messy and can be improved but it's still pretty decent. Also, when you describe a person, at the least use a picture that links with the description. Mow Hey Rin (Pretty sure it's HyeRim in the story though) is Korean but the Picture is most definitely not Korean, even hearing the name alone it's Korean. The picture now does not make sense, the same goes for Deunghae…
Plot and Originality(19/30)
Plot wise I believe that it isn't exactly the most unique story out there. Sure it stands out when you think that the reason behind why the main character was with this group of idols. Many cliché stories mostly have their main characters working around or with the members of idol group itself, just for the job alone. However you had a much better reason and back story to this as a whole.
The plot however confuses me at times most especially about DeungHae. See it's okay to keep some things from the reader but however in this way there are too things that aren't answered till the end of the story. What is InterLab all about? Why do this people owe credits to the company? Why does the company need the people to do these missions?
Deunghae too has many many things about here that is still questionable. Why was she able to speak so many languages after falling into a coma? Why did her parents abandon her? Who are her parents? Even with this question there is another matter that is questionable about this story. Was the stalker really the man who used to 'play' with Deunghae?
If so, why was he stalking Nu'Est before Deunghae was posted to them. If not, Deunghae never really did find out who the stalker was. She never did finish her mission. Was she even allowed to leave from the mission without actually fulfilling the main mission of this or did she just leave because she was falling in too deep for Ren?
Till the end, I was left with many many questions, it then leaves me hanging. The story has no proper ending to it to me.
Characterization(8.5/20)
For this I am just going to focus on the main character Deunghae. When it came to Deunghae I actually found it really hard to relate to her, feel what she was feeling and how she was. I couldn't find any huge flaws from her. Her personality also wasn't all that constant at certain chapters and I couldn't exactly see what kind of a person she was like. I believe that it was mainly because of lack of description or lack of information on Deunghae.
It's mostly the same for the other characters so I feel you could have went more in detailed about their characters rather than just dialogues alone.
Writing Style and Language(15/25)
A very constant error you make in your story. When you start a dialogue, you use close and open inverted commas ("). This sign (>) is for denoting less than or more than in math and unless you are writing in Chinese, arrows have nothing to do in any text. For thoughts you could use the open and inverted commas and instead of writing that the person said it, you could change the word to thought. Or some authors bold or make it italic, showing that there is a difference.
Your writing style is full of dialogues and very less description. Most of the times as readers we will need at least a general description on actions and locations but you had very little in your story. Especially when it came to the dreams/nightmares.
Dreams like these and nightmares are a place where you need to describe it well and in detail. It's where you can show your potential when it comes to your writing it self but like all the other parts of the story there was mainly dialogues and not much description. Keep in mind that dreams comes from your imagination or past experiences; they are something that can be written so in detail that it makes the reader feel like they are actually in the dream themselves.
Seeing that English is not your first language I would say that the sentence flowed together better than some others. Some mistakes here and there in grammar but not many typos so it was actually okay language wise throughout the story. It was mainly the first thing that I stated that bothered me the most in the story.
Flow(6.5/10)
Flow wise I think you went too fast in the moments with Nu'Est that you can't actually see Ren falling for Deunghae or Aron falling for HyeRin. It just happened suddenly. The moments however at the where we find out who exactly was the man when much too fast that the couldn't reach it maximum potential nor had enough tension in it.
In a nutshell, your flow was faster than it should have. It was a short fic and I understand that but knowingly you have a good plot that could have been expanded and could have been more detailed even with the short plot.
Total (57/100)
A/N: I truthfully took a long time on this and I feel that I was real strict this time but being strict helps you improve so it may or may not be good approach. I believe it's good for me and this naturally came to me so I thought that I should just keep it this way.
Comments