The Title  (2.5/5)

If I’m going to be honest, and sometimes I am quite brutally honest, I am a bit disappointed with this title. Yes, it’s relevant but I just don’t think it’s the best title for your story. The title didn’t bother me when I first looked at it, but after reading your whole story, I really don’t like it. For one, it just seems quite boring. It isn’t very interesting at all and I wouldn’t really go and click on it to read your story. Your story is so beautiful and amazing yet this title doesn’t display any of that. I just wish that you could have came up with something a little more heart wrenching and beautifully sad.

Description and Foreword (7/10)

In terms of your description, I think it is quite good in summarising the story in a few lines. You let the reader know what is going on without letting them in on the whole plot so I think you have been quite successful in writing a description. Sometimes, people decide to go off and tell the reader everything or they only write one line but you haven’t done that so good job. 

I can’t help but feel that it is missing something and this will probably be a similar complaint to the one I made about the title. It’s completely relevant to the story but it’s not got that ‘wow’ factor that makes me really feel like I want to keep reading and find out what is actually going to happen. I feel like I just got a bit bored and no, I don’t write the best descriptions either but I was expecting something a little better. 

Now, onto the Foreword. I think the foreword manages to keep the reader’s attention more than the description does. I like how the foreword flows on quite well from the description and there is a good link between the both of them. You’ve done everything that you should probably do in a foreword, well, what I think you should do in a foreword so well done. I can’t mark you down for the foreword.

Plot and Originality (30/30)

In terms of the originality, I have seen similar-ish stories like this floating around on this website. I mean, they do exist around Asianfanfics, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a story like this written as well as you have done it and I will talk more about that once I get to the plot part of this section. Yes, there were similar elements between these stories but it’s like you seemed to go off on into your own world and create something completely different from the rest. 

Now, I swear to god, I LOVED this plot and I’m hoping that the capital letters manages to display my enthusiasm as well as I’m hoping it is going to. Honestly, I’m just so amazed and happy and sad and relieved and… wait, breathe in. Okay, let me start again. Well, basically you managed to create a wide variety of emotions within me while reading this. I mean, sometimes, I was shocked, a few times I found myself crying and then at the end I was jumping for joy because I was so happy at how well things had turned out for everyone. 

After reading the description, I didn’t really think that I was actually going to be very impressed by this but honestly I was so wrong. I can’t believe that I didn’t go and do this review sooner and I didn’t think that I would have been as excited about this as I am write now. From the initial breakup, to the heart attack, the misunderstanding, the whole ghost type thing when he was stuck in the in-between, I found myself so engrossed in this world that you have created, having various emotions towards different characters and crying (the many times when I ended up crying), I loved every part of it and I think you deserve an applause. *standing ovation*

Characterisation (19/20)

The characters - oh, how I loved them so. There have only been a few times that a story has managed to make me connect to the characters, out of the numerous number of fanfics I have read over the last few years. You managed to create such well developed characters, such realistic characters that when I was I reading, I felt as if they were talking to me and their words were able to tug on my heart-strings. I just, I loved your characters and I felt like I got to know them so well that by the time I had reached the end, I felt like I was going to miss them after getting to know them during the story. 

There were 4 main characters to this story and I feel like you managed to make each one have their own traits and personalities, so they could stand out from each other and I could differentiate between each of them quite well. I started to hate different characters or pity other characters and my feelings towards them would change the better I got to know them. I felt that Jaejoong was so cold and heartless when he dumped Changmin and when they were yelling at each other but then, his cold façade shattered and we got to see different sides of him. I liked that and I especially liked how there was a feature of gradual revelation in the story. You gradually revealed that Jaejoong and Jaejung were twin brothers while the characters were finding out themselves.

If there are any criticsms I would make then I feel that there is one thing that seemed to bother me about them. I don’t like how the characters had the same reactions to falling in love with each other. I mean, they fell in love but they were all too worried to tell each other because everyone thought that the person they were in love with was in love with someone else. Then, it took them time to tell each other the truth. I would have liked for one of the characters to have been braver about it and to have an optimistic outlook to the prospect of falling in love, not worrying about whether or not the person was in love with someone else. I know they all fell in love with the rightful person in the end but I would have preferred it to have been done differently.

Writing Style and Language (23/25)

There is nothing wrong with your writing style. I think it is completely fine and I think that it does kind of develop over the 24 chapters that you wrote. It managed to improve with time and that is something that I like to see. I feel like you manage to capture a lot of emotion with your words too. You didn’t use a vast expanse of vocabulary, using words that I would have to look up, to capture the emotion within the scene. I think you did it just so perfectly. 

While reading stories and writing reviews, I like to try reading them quite in depth, to pick up on every word that the writer has used rather than just skim read. While I was reading yours in particular, I had my headphones on and I was listening to beautifully sad soundtracks that I felt would correspond quite well with your writing and I found myself crying quite often while reading this. I don’t think I have ever cried that much while reading a fanfic before, except from ‘Anterograde Tomorrow’. I mean, I was just wailing like a child with tears streaming down my face and that scene where Jaejung was disappearing I was getting so shocked and everything. Honestly, you are a very good writer, compared to the vast majority of pre-teen writers infecting the site. (That sounds quite harsh but it’s true. We’ve all seen that crap.)

In terms of the language, I don’t feel that there were very many issues. You have a good grasp on the English language which comes across through your writing. In terms of spelling, there was a few occasional errors which I think are probably just typos and many of the grammar errors were typos too which you can pick up if you proofread your work - I would try to do it for you but I lost track during the 24 chapters where these errors were. 

There are a few things that I have to mention about grammar and word use though. 

1. Ellipsis - I think sometimes you go a bit overboard with your use of ellipsis, especially if characters are crying while they are speaking. I think you could probably just use commas instead. 

2. ‘Loose’ and ‘Lose’ -  a number of times you used ‘Loose’ instead of ‘Lose’. ‘Loose’ is a term used to describe something that isn’t tightly fixed or fitted in place e.g. a ‘loose’ tooth whereas ‘lose’ is a verb used when you are deprived of or cease to have or retain something. 

Flow (9.5/10)

There are no major issues in this section. I feel like you managed to keep the story flowing at a good pace and I liked that. I did feel though that when you were going through the months, like when you were writing ‘One month later’ or in the epilogue ‘Two years later’, I felt that the story may have been flowing a bit too fast but I do understand that it was needed since you didn’t want to keep the story dragging on too long.

Total (91/100) 

Loved the story and I'm sorry I took a while to write it but I hope that this review will do. Thanks for requesting and if you need another review, you know where to find us. I can't wait.