To make you smile

Reviewed by: OutspokenGirl612

The Title  (3/5)

The title has total relevance to the story, but I don’t get why you have a different title in the poster, I prefer the original title to the story, it goes better with it.

Description and Foreword(6/10)

The description is okay; it works for this type of story; although you can guess more or less how the story is going to flow and end. It already gives away the whole plotline. I would take out the spoiler warning for the trailer though; in my opinion the warning itself is the spoiler, since the trailer is okay as it is, that’s how trailers are. Using a piece of the story as foreword is the best technique to capture a readers’ attention, good job with that.

Plot and Originality(15/30)

The plot is the typical cliché story of the rich girl whose life turns upside down by the death of her whole family. I must give credit for the good organization of the ideas, though.  What I still can’t put together is how the mention of the arrange marriage works for this story, it’s clear that it isn’t the main idea. And also, even though in the foreword you mention how she convinced her fathers of not making her marry Luhan, in the story that doesn’t appear. However, you haven’t finished it yet, so you can maybe put it as a flashback in a future chapter.

Characterization(15/20)

The characters are well created. The only thing I have to comment is that Hani still doesn’t look realistic, something’s missing in her character.

Writing Style and Language (20/25)

I pointed out a few mistakes I found so you can correct them:

1. “…thinking if there was ever a time where it could go by surreptitiously, that it was now.”- The correct way should be: “thinking that if there was ever a time where it could go by surreptitiously, it was now.”

2.“ME! THAT’S WHO. ME DIDN’T KNOW!”- The last sentence is wrong, you can either put: a) It’s me who didn’t know or, b) I didn’t know.

3. “Oh and have you not talk to me for two weeks?”- Verb tense is wrong; it should be “talked”.

Flow(8/10)

The flow is good, it has a passive pace, yet it doesn’t go to slow to the point where it becomes dreadful. But, be careful with the next chapters so you don’t fall there.

Total (67/100)

Reviewer’s comment:

*I would recommend that you put words in Korean in either italics, or between inverted commas to identify them as foreign; sometimes they might cause confusion, since the story is in English. Other than that, everything’s good, keep working hard! ^^ 

*If you have any doubts regarding my observations, feel free to ask me!