Hey macchiato-!
Read Read Read Review Shop (not accepting Requests)Under the Shade of Reverie by macchiato-
Review by OutspokenGirl612
The Title (5/5)
To be honest, I couldn’t find a more proper title than the one you used. It’s totally eye catching because it’s different from usual. Something else I loved about it is the way you subtly make allusion to the depression Krystal suffers, because something of “reverie” is supposed to be happy, but being in its shade, in the shadows, it automatically converts the reverie into a nightmare; which is precisely her case.
Description and Foreword(10/10)
I honestly think your description and foreword are perfect; the description enthralls with all the proper and higher vocabulary you use. It also has this vibe of mystery; a reader might think she’s high on drugs, or either there’s a mix of magic; but on reality she’s on that verge of danger, on that border where the adrenaline skyrockets. I think those are good elements to capture readers. As for the foreword, I adore the excerpt you selected from your story to put there; it shows your style, plus the reader feels curious as to who the guy is and why he’s not there. And no grammar mistakes anywhere. Great.
Plot and Originality(30/30)
The plot… magnificent. I’ve read depression stories before, and I’ve seen people in depression. But never had I read a story that portrayed this ugly feeling in such a descriptive and beautifully painful way. I could feel her pain all the way; I felt pity while she noticed her own madness and acknowledge that she had touched the bottom of the pit. I don’t know if it was intentional, or if it was my own interpretation, but the idea of starting from the end it’s simply amazing; it works with leaving the reader in suspense and tension and that just adds more to the whole feeling of the story. I really liked the way you divided the scenes; making her seem sane for a second, then crazy at the moment; it was a great way of working with the whole depression theme without making it boring.
I think it was very good of you to credit where you got the text ideas from; not many people do that.
Characterization(20/20)
Your characters were perfectly developed. I could feel every bit of the feelings that Krystal was having; I could feel the pain of the mother seeing her daughter so lost and vulnerable; and I totally could feel Jessica’s understanding towards her sister, being a big sister myself. I really felt every emotion they had; and I could even identify myself with some of them to some point. Those that were foreign to me, I didn’t have a problem with them, since you portrayed them so well. Great characters.
Writing Style and Language(24/25)
Your vocabulary is so high and rich that I can’t help but feel pleased with it. This can be a problem for some readers here, but, I think it was in the other review I did to you, we spoke ab0ut you wanting to reach a more cultured and educated public, so it’s totally fine then. The use of metaphors and analogies is very good as well, you subtly say everything while not saying anything at all, and that’s splendid; very poetic and beautiful. And, you proofread this story very well; I nearly don’t have anything to mention:
1. Punctuation signs- Remember that you can’t use “?!” together; it’s a grammar mistake. Whenever you want to express a surprised emotion or someone yelling within a question, you need to do it by capitalizing the sentence. Capital letters serve for that purpose.
Flow(10/10)
The flow of the story is perfect; with the division of the scenes you manage to escape those boring transitions, while not being in a fast pace. With the dates on the texts you also give somehow a timeline; making the reader see that she has been suffering for some time now and that her decision wasn’t something within the spur of the moment and the grief of loss. Well done.
Total (99/100)
* Wow! You nearly scored perfect! Congratulations!
* Also, I just wanna use this recurrent word in your story to portray what I feel right now: YOU! I hate you! (In a good way) You made me cry! How was I supposed to do the review when my eyes were so wet that I couldn’t see? I had to read the story, then distract myself and stuff and then go back to try and ignore my uprising feelings. Thank you, the story was beautiful, you have just become one of my favorite authors :D
XOXO Nat
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