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Under the Shade of Reverie by macchiato-

Review by OutspokenGirl612

 

The Title  (5/5)

To be honest, I couldn’t find a more proper title than the one you used. It’s totally eye catching because it’s different from usual. Something else I loved about it is the way you subtly make allusion to the depression Krystal suffers, because something of “reverie” is supposed to be happy, but being in its shade, in the shadows, it automatically converts the reverie into a nightmare; which is precisely her case.

 

Description and Foreword(10/10)

I honestly think your description and foreword are perfect; the description enthralls with all the proper and higher vocabulary you use. It also has this vibe of mystery; a reader might think she’s high on drugs, or either there’s a mix of magic; but on reality she’s on that verge of danger, on that border where the adrenaline skyrockets. I think those are good elements to capture readers. As for the foreword, I adore the excerpt you selected from your story to put there; it shows your style, plus the reader feels curious as to who the guy is and why he’s not there. And no grammar mistakes anywhere. Great.

 

Plot and Originality(30/30)

The plot… magnificent. I’ve read depression stories before, and I’ve seen people in depression. But never had I read a story that portrayed this ugly feeling in such a descriptive and beautifully painful way. I could feel her pain all the way; I felt pity while she noticed her own madness and acknowledge that she had touched the bottom of the pit. I don’t know if it was intentional, or if it was my own interpretation, but the idea of starting from the end it’s simply amazing; it works with leaving the reader in suspense and tension and that just adds more to the whole feeling of the story. I really liked the way you divided the scenes; making her seem sane for a second, then crazy at the moment; it was a great way of working with the whole depression theme without making it boring.

I think it was very good of you to credit where you got the text ideas from; not many people do that.

 

Characterization(20/20)

Your characters were perfectly developed. I could feel every bit of the feelings that Krystal was having; I could feel the pain of the mother seeing her daughter so lost and vulnerable; and I totally could feel Jessica’s understanding towards her sister, being a big sister myself. I really felt every emotion they had; and I could even identify myself with some of them to some point. Those that were foreign to me, I didn’t have a problem with them, since you portrayed them so well. Great characters.

 

Writing Style and Language(24/25)

Your vocabulary is so high and rich that I can’t help but feel pleased with it. This can be a problem for some readers here, but, I think it was in the other review I did to you, we spoke ab0ut you wanting to reach a more cultured and educated public, so it’s totally fine then. The use of metaphors and analogies is very good as well, you subtly say everything while not saying anything at all, and that’s splendid; very poetic and beautiful. And, you proofread this story very well; I nearly don’t have anything to mention:

1. Punctuation signs- Remember that you can’t use “?!” together; it’s a grammar mistake. Whenever you want to express a surprised emotion or someone yelling within a question, you need to do it by capitalizing the sentence. Capital letters serve for that purpose.

 

Flow(10/10)

The flow of the story is perfect; with the division of the scenes you manage to escape those boring transitions, while not being in a fast pace. With the dates on the texts you also give somehow a timeline; making the reader see that she has been suffering for some time now and that her decision wasn’t something within the spur of the moment and the grief of loss. Well done.

 

Total (99/100)

 

* Wow! You nearly scored perfect! Congratulations!

* Also, I just wanna use this recurrent word in your story to portray what I feel right now: YOU! I hate you! (In a good way) You made me cry! How was I supposed to do the review when my eyes were so wet that I couldn’t see? I had to read the story, then distract myself and stuff and then go back to try and ignore my uprising feelings. Thank you, the story was beautiful, you have just become one of my favorite authors :D

XOXO Nat

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Comments

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Lovex2254 #1
Chapter 53: Oh yeah, when you asked how she was so motivated and thing it was somewhat that she wanted to e better an live up to all her dad's expectations which was why she also struggled with purging.
Lovex2254 #2
Chapter 53: Picked up! Thanks for the review!
Recha_L
#3
Username: Recha_L

Story Title: Voice Of Silence

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/454440/voice-of-silence-2min-minho-romance-shinee--taemin-

Description: Minho can hear people's thoughts, And Taemin is mute

Reviewer: coolgirlaamy

Is English your first language: No it's third actually ^^

Number of chapters: 5 on going

Thank you ^^
JESLEN #4
Username: littlemisshappyify

Story Title: Imposter

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/471056

Description: A woman woke up from a hospital without any memories of who she was and what she is.



She later learned that she is Moon Chae Won, a hated heiress and shunned by society.



She was also engaged to a handsome business tycoon who hated her with a virulence and would stop at nothing to end the engagement.



What would happen if another woman appear and accused her of stealing the woman's identity?



Labeling her as an Imposter?

Reviewer:OutspokenGirl612

Is English your first language: no

Number of chapters: 30 and on going
Banana_Dreams
#5
Chapter 49: Ok~

I'm back from my business trip :D (ok, more or less xD)

Ok, first of all, thanks for the great review! :D
Too harsh? I don't think so, I prefere it that way and I think that your review will help me to improve on myself :)

I'm also super happy that you subscribed to 'Boy Toy'. That means a lot to me ^-^

I'm a little nervous since you say you aren't that into 2PM...so I need to make this story really good...for the sake of 2PM xDD


As you know...I'm a loser when it come to grammar o.o *hahaha~
I try my best to improve, but yeah...
I've requested a beta shop to look through my stories. Since I want my readers to enjoy my stories ^-^

I'm going to correct the errors you wrote down for me. It may take some time since I'm currently really busy, but I'll definitely do it :D

About the characterization. I've written down what they like and dislike. What their fears are, their Family problems and of course their looks ^^
I'm in generall really bad at characterization, but I'll try to add in a little more in the next chapter :)

Ok...about the xD
I guess that it really hurts? ö.ö
But I wanted them to be rough to each other...because well, they don't have feelings for each other. (At first xP)
The story is nearing the end and you'll notice that they are getting more softer towards each other. That was the main idea about the whole plot ^^

I always worry about the lenght of my chapters, so I'm happy to hear that they are perfectly fine! :D

Ok, that was the long comment I've promised ^-^
I already credited you and the shop in my foreword~

Thanks for the nice review once again ♥

Ps.: I hope I can update soon. I'm currently working on a surprise fanfic for a friend, which needs to be finished on a specific date...( since it's a birthday present ^^)
But since it's nearly finished, I'm going to update soon ^-^
Shiny_A_plus
#6
Chapter 51: wow! ty so much!! perfect score~~~ I feel so <3'ed ^_^ sorry it took me so long to reply… I'm on hiatus atm so I am just popping in to say ty and link back!! ty again!!! XD I am really glad you liked it. Like, super duper!! it makes my heart fluffeh.
PastelClover
#7
Request Form :

Username: PastelClover

Story Title: Let’s Meet in Our Next Life

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/569804/let-s-meet-in-our-next-life-angst-infinite-myungsoo-oneshot-romance

Description: Hi, My name is Hyeri.

Lee Hyeri.



I have been living horribly for 4 years now.

Why?

Are you curious?

Just read the story and you will found out.

Don't expect this story to be a romance-comedy story.

It's not.

It depressing me

Driving me crazy.

My whole life is totally ruined.

TOTALLY RUINED.

By a guy.

A guy that is not even existed in this world anymore.

Reviewer: Anyone

Is English your first language: Nope

Number of chapters: 1
Banana_Dreams
#8
Chapter 49: Hey there~
I just saw my review :D

I'll comment some more!
It's just that I am currently on a business trip. So my laptop is at home T___T

I'll make sure to credit you and the shop as soon as I am home again :3

Btw. Thanks for the great review <3
A longer comment will come as soon as I am back ^_^