Why can't we be together?  by sakura_putih 

Review by SHINee_DubuLoveXD

The Title (2/5)
The title wasn't particularly attractive nor interesting, albeit mainstream if I would say, more creativity would have been better. It's relevant to the story though. But for a title, you should have caps lops after every word though.



Description and Foreword(7/10)
Description wise, it wasn't exactly a wonderful description with a few errors here and there. It does catch the attraction of a reader with the questions but with the material you provide in the description, the plot comes off a little too common also a little too obvious. That was until the last paragraph. The last paragraph really kept me wondering why in the world was Ryeowook going to divorce his first love.

The foreword was short but good. I believe it was taken from a part of the story with more tension and questions. Reading the small excerpt I was really wondering what made her accept the divorce. And of course what was Ryeowook going to say.

Description:

Orginal Foreword:

Ryeowook, he as he is, a member of Super Junior have been half-forced to an arrange married with his childhood friend. The problem arised when she doesn't remember who Ryeowook was while they were actually childhood friend and just been separated for 4 years because Mi Young went to England to continue her study.

Ryeowook wanted to marry Mi Young cause she is his first love but Ryeowook is a total stranger to Mi Young. However, Mi young fell in love with Ryeowook the first time they saw each other and simply agreed with the idea of her and Ryeowook getting married.

However, while Mi Young remembered who Ryeowook really is, suddenly Ryeowook asked them to file a divorce. What is happenning? Did Ryeowook give up on his first love? Why can't they be together?

Edited Foreword:

Ryeowook, a member of Super Junior has been partly forced into an arranged marriage with his childhood friend. However, she doesn't remember who Ryeowook was even though they were childhood friends sperated with a time span of 4 years in which she spent her time to study in England.

Ryeowook accepted the forced marriage as she was his first love but to Mi Young, he was a total stranger. With the first meetng, Mi Young had fell in love with Ryeowook and had agreed to the arranged marriage. Yet however, not long into their marriage, Ryeowook had proposed a divorce. Why was this happening? Why did he give up his love? Why can't they be together.



Plot and Originality(16/30)
The plot is what I would call cliche. As much as it makes sense, arranged marriages, childhood friends, amnesia. They are used so many times. I understood the story and plot roughly when I read the story but the feelings when reading is like the process of falling in love is missing. Not to mention, Idols falling in love, Rumors and companies added with a person finding revenge makes it really seem like a makjang drama, in other words a drama that is outrages and unrealistic. You added too many components to one story making it a little messy. 



Characterization(11/20)
Miyoung's character was realistic atleast to me. Her actions and dialouge was like an average person, a little too perfect but still belivable. However, her past was far too strong and unrealistic. With memories of bad things like , you will go through a long process of forgeting it. Well if by chance you somehow forgot that day, wouldn't you forget every single person you met that day and everything that happened with them? It's unlogical that she only forgot Ryeowook out of so many people in her life and also managed to forget the fight between her and SaYeon when it happened at a much different time.



Writing Style and Language(15/25)
There are many grammer and spelling mistakes all over the story but I still managed to interpret the story well. Your words a little more basic than other writers on AFF but are still pretty decent. Your writing style of changing POV often gets a little confusing, using less POV changes or even one POV per Chapter or for the whole story would be much better.



Flow(5/10)
Your story flowed a little too fast for my taste. Like how easily Mi Young was able to accept Ryeowook. Whenever the pace seemed to slow down and become easier to understand, another new thing will come in just to make the flow faster again. When you write with a fast pace, you may have lesser chapters but the details and descriptions all seemed to disappear with just mainly dialouge and actions. Though, I still managed to grasp the main points of the story.



Total (56/100)
[Reviewer's Note: I think I came off a little harsh which I am. But there are some things that really should be improved and worked on. Since I split the points to count each individual factor if there is, I feel that the points were a little more lenient that the actual description though.]