That Talking Teddy Bear- Midnight-B2UTY

Review by OutspokenGirl612

The Title  (4/5)

The title falls into the literal classification, so it’s good in that sense; although with the pink background and the title I thought it would be a cliché story and Baekhyun would be dressed or something (lol).

Description and Foreword(5/10)

The description full of questions works perfectly to catch the reader; the only thing I would suggest is to make some sort of bridge, something that unites the question before the one that speaks of the teddy bear, cause they need to have connection. About the foreword, you need an actual foreword; try choosing a piece of one of the chapters that you think can spark curiosity in the reader and put it there. It works, trust me.

Plot and Originality(28/30)

It’s great that you took your time to research on the ghost theme, which proves that you want your story to be as good as possible. I frankly thought this was going to be another cliché story, but you proved me wrong; it’s really interesting and different from what I’ve read. The story is still in the beginning, so we’ll have to wait to see if it keeps on being different and interesting.

Characterization(20/20)

Great job on the characters! They’re consistent and very well defined; keep them that way! 

Writing Style and Language(23/25)

You really are great in grammar and spelling, you surely have put a lot of effort and learned the rules well. Even so, here are some minor mistakes I’d like to point out:

1. Typo alert in the Guide Chapter!: “enery”, you forgot the g of “energy”. Also, a grammar/coherence mistake: “When a person died, he/she had one of…” There’s a problem in presenting options in past tense. You should try putting that sentence in present tense; the three options don’t have to change at all.

2. Chapter Two: “Well you sure sounded like one when she screamed,”- You confused the pronoun “she” with “you”: “Well you sure sounded like one when you screamed,”. Also in the same chapter: “If she could clench her fists she could”- That second “could” should be a “would”.

3. Chapter Three: “The sun hadn’t even set yet…”- The verb tense is wrong, it should be “hasn’t”. Also: “I won’t interrupted again,”- The verb tense is wrong again, it should be “interrupt”. “Most people’d expect that they’d be able to…”- “People” is a noun, therefore you can’t make a contraction, you have to write “people would .“

4. Chapter Four: “stresed”- Typo!, it should be “stressed”. “Well  I unno”- You forgot a letter: “Well I dunno”. “And ladies and gentle, …”- It’s “gentlemen”, “gentle” alone is an adjective.

Flow(10/10) 

The flow is going well until now, since the story it’s still beginning it would be weird to go faster.

Total (90/100)

*Great job! I was impressed with the great grammar and spelling, as well as the vocabulary selection. It was quite great to prepare a guide on ghosts for readers who don’t know the basics. Your story is really good, keep up the great work!