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This Sadistic Life by ememyang
Review by coolgirlaamy
The Title (5/5)
I think this title is perfect. It’s interesting and stands out from the other stories out there. It is also really relevant to your story because the word ‘sadistic’ gives a sense of depression which is what the story is about so you get full marks here!
Description and Foreword (10/10)
I love this description! You managed to grab my attention from the first line. The description helps to give an insight into the story and it kind of provides a background into the main character - she used to be a shy person but this guy brought her out of this kind of attitude and now she is this bright world that she isn’t exactly ready for and she can’t handle it alone. It makes the reader question why she is like this in the first place.
I also like how the main character is asking questions to herself and to this guy that she’s with. It made me think about what is actually going on and what has happened to her and why she is now in a state of depression - though she claims that she isn’t, in the description. and then at the end she addresses the reader by saying, “It‘s a lonely life, isn‘t it?” It really helps to draw the reader in.
Plot and Originality (30/30)
For the originality of this plot, I have came across a story similar to this once or twice in the past where there is a depressed character that wants to die but yours definitely stands out from the other ones and the style of it is different in a good way. It’s a really interesting plot.
In your story, the main character is thinking about what has happened to her relationship, as if she’s trying to come to terms with it, and how her relationship with Chen broke apart. Then she meets him once again and realises that he doesn’t regret what has happened between them so there’s no point of living anymore - I’m not sure if this is right, but it’s what I managed to grasp from the story. So, yes, it does differentiate from the other depression stories out there. It’s a plot that I followed quite easily without becoming too confused.
Characterization(19/20)
The main character in your story is really believable. She seems real, as if she’s a real person that’s telling her own story, her life, to us.
At the start, she’s very upset by what was happened and it’s like she can’t let go of this guy, who is like the love of her life. She doesn’t want to let him go because she loved him so much and that’s the way that people would act in real life if they were dating for the same period of time. I like how, after the flashbacks, she realises that he wasn’t as perfect as she once thought, as if she is changing her mind about him though she still loves him. She loves him until the end which makes me think that she’s being naïve and delusional because he doesn’t love her back and she’s wasting her time thinking about him - which reminds me of Gatsby.
She’s also quite shy and timid which we realise when she goes to the store - she didn’t want people to look at her and know she was there.
There isn’t much I can really say about Chen since he didn’t really appear that often but from what I read, I really hated him. He’s the kind of character that makes me so angry and I just want to punch him in the face. She loved him so much but he doesn’t really care about her. I question whether he actually ever cared about her in the first place and whether the relationship was all just an act to him. The way he acted around her seemed really fake.
Writing Style and Language (23/25)
I love your writing style. You managed to capture the emotions of your main character so perfectly that I felt as if I could feel what she was feeling and I was able to sympathisise with her. At the end, I was almost in tears for her because she decided she didn’t want to live anymore and I wanted to tell her that she shouldn’t give up her life.
There weren’t any grammatical or spelling errors, from what I saw, so good job for that. There was, however, a few errors with your tenses.
Original
“I wondered how long this torture will last. I supposed I need to get out into the world again. But I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t help my lifestyle. It’s pattern embedded itself into my brain, burying between all the painful memories.”
“Even if I tried, my mind will always be full of illusions that I can’t shake off.”
Fixed
“I wonder how long this torture will last. I suppose I need to get out into the world again. But I can’t help it. I can’t help my lifestyle. It’s pattern has embedded itself into my brain, burying between all the painful memories.”
“Even if I try, my mind will always be full of illusions that I can’t shake off.”
These adjustments have been made because you switch between past and present tense in these lines. I’m unsure of how I should explain it but hopefully it will be quite obvious to you now that I’ve made the adjustments. Don’t worry though, the rest of your tenses were fine. It was just these few lines that had the issues.
Flow (10/10)
This story flows at a good and steady pace for a one shot. It didn’t go too fast where it was rushing through the scenes which I have found quite often from one-shots. The pace was absolutely perfect that you were able to capture the scenes well and give enough detail without giving too much or too little. Good job!
Total (96/100)
This is the highest score yet so you managed to make it onto our featured list. The story was amazing, I really enjoyed reading it and you almost managed to make me cry because it was so emotional. I’m sorry if this review might be a bit confusing and I say too much in some areas. Thanks for requesting a review here :)
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