Hey MyCockiness
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The Bonding by MyCockiness
Review by coolgirlaamy
The Title (5/5)
I love this title. It’s short, simple, gets to the point and it’s relevant to your plot and your story. I’ve never really seen a title like this before so it definitely stands out from the crowd and when I read the title I was actually really excited and interested to read your story. Good job!
Description and Foreword (10/10)
This description is perfect. Don’t change anything about it because it’s really good. It helps to give an insight into the story without revealing too much and there is still an air of mystery around it. As a reader, I’m left quite curious. I want to know what’s going to happen next and I want to keep reading. It also leaves me with a number of questions in my mind - Why are they doing this? Which friends have betrayed them? Etc.
As for the foreword, the most successful way of drawing the reader in through the foreword is to use an excerpt from the story which is what you have done here. You have used the best part of the story here in the foreword since it’s relevant and it links with the description because it is the actual bonding scene - you could have used the lunch scene where Luhan mentions the bonding but it wouldn‘t have had as much as an impact as the actual bonding scene would have. Like the description, it leaves an air of mystery around it and I really want to see what’s going to happen in this story.
Plot and Originality (30/30)
This is definitely an original plot. I have never read anything like it before. It’s really original and I like that since there are so many clichéd plots out there nowadays that I’m starting to get sick of. This story is like a breath of fresh air.
As for the plot, there have only been two chapters so far so there isn’t much to judge you on here. I was able to follow it quite easily without becoming confused. The story is basically about Jongin and Sehun finally coming to high school and are excited about becoming close with their friends again before they realise that they will be parted once again in the upcoming years and will be left alone. The bonding is suggested and they all take part. I’m really excited to see where you’re going to go with this plot and what’s going to happen next.
Characterization(18/20)
Like the plot, there isn’t much to say here as you have only wrote two chapters. So far, they all seem fine and consistent. However, I do have a word of warning. Often, when you have many characters in a story or your focusing on many couples, you will tend to struggle to characterize them all quite successfully and some end up being quite similar or don’t appear very often. Do make sure that you focus properly on the important/main characters.
Writing Style and Language(25/25)
In terms of your language i.e. your spelling, grammar etc. everything is fine. I never found any particular errors or anything but I do suggest, speaking from my own experiences, that you proofread your work once your finished because often there are a few typos and spelling/grammatical errors left behind.
Your writing style is completely fine. You describe well in terms of the actions of the characters and give a sufficient amount of description around the dialogue which is good because often when I’ve read stories where there are a lot of characters, they mainly focus on the dialogue/ the conversations between the characters but you don’t do that so there aren’t any issues here.
Flow(8/10)
The flow is fine. It’s not too slow, nor is it too fast. However, I do have a slight suggestion which I’m not sure which part I should have mentioned it in but I will mention it here.
Basically, when you are moving/ transcending between different scenes it would be better to split it using a line of dots or stars or whatever else you want to use between the scenes, otherwise for me it made it look as if everything was going too fast.
Let me give you an example:
“The others looked around the table with satisfied grins, knowing that there would be hope for their group after all
…..
In Jongin’s room after school.”
Originally, you had it so that there was only a single line between the first scene and the next. Before, it seemed like you were only going to the next paragraph as if we were in the same scene whereas here, it shows that you have moved onto another scene. I personally believe that the story flows better in this way.
Total (96/100)
Congratulations! You will be on our featured list. I have personally enjoyed this story so far so I’m going to subscribe to it. The story is really good so far so keep it up!
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