Saturday Midnight- GreenGardenPop

Review by OutspokenGirl612

The Title  (3/5)

The title is nice, gives a mysterious vibe and sparks curiosity in the reader. It’s not the most creative I’ve seen. I liked that it referred to the routine that Myungsoo had and the reason behind it.

Description and Foreword(0/10)

There’s no description or foreword since it’s in a chapter, so I can’t really give any points in this section.

Plot and Originality(28/30)

I thought it would be a cliché story, to be honest, because of the way it started speaking of his rich family and his entry to a great university. You proved me wrong, though; the whole idea of having a ghost basically haunting him his whole life was nice. I especially liked the ending, where you left the possibility of the ghost open, it could be, or it could not. Great work.

Characterization(17/20)

I like the way you portrayed Myungsoo; you went deep inside the character’s mind. Although, I couldn’t help but get confused at the beginning; the way the character spoke, I thought it was a girl. It wasn’t until he spoke of the “girl’s voice” that I finally got that he was a guy. Jiyeon’s character was perfect, keeping it simple and sticking to actions rather than entering a mind analysis.

Writing Style and Language(20/25)

You got quite an interesting style of writing; I like the way you manage the 1^st person point of view. You describe well the scenes and I could easily picture how everything looked like. I pointed out some mistakes down here:

1. […] they were the owner of The Kim Chemicals Enterprise in the area.- If you say “they” then you have to use plural in “owner”; so it should say “owners”.

2. […] pretending to pick stars from sky.- You need a “the” before the word “sky.”

3.  […] such a melancholy melody […]- You need to turn the noun “melancholy” into an adjective because you’re describing the melody, it should be “melancholic.”

4. I was confused whenever you spoke of a wooden bed. Does he have an actual bed in his yard? Or did you mean that he has a bench where he likes to sleep? 

5. Regaining my room, […]- I was confused here, had he lost his room? Did someone steal it? Or did it move to another place? Because I can’t quite understand the use of the word “regain” when referring to a room that’s stationary.

Flow(10/10) 

The flow of the story is perfect; since it’s a short one, everything has to happen fast; but you managed it by giving references to the past of Myungsoo and how he had heard her through all his life.

Total (78/100)

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