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Of Kisses and Cries by Shakufye

Review by coolgirlaamy

 

The Title  (5/5)
I think this is a great title for you story. First of all, it is quite a beautiful title. Second, it is actually relevant to your story as it refers to the start and end of the one-shot - kisses is somewhat a connotation to love so it refers to when they were in love and then cries is relevant to the second half when they were no longer together. I think you may have been able to come up with a slightly better title for some reason, but I do really like your title.
 
Description and Foreword (10/10)
Like you title, I just loved the description. It may have been quite short but I think it was the perfect length for you to briefly summarise your one-shot. I know for a fact that it is sometimes quite difficult to come up with a description for your story, especially to come up with something quite sufficient, but I think you have managed to do this quite successfully. I personally think the length of it was quite perfect - it was short but it was still dramatic and interesting enough for me to want to keep reading on. The description was also relevant to your story so good job!
 
In terms of your foreword, I think you have done an equally perfect job with it.  I love that you have chosen to use a short excerpt from your story. I love it when writers do that and I personally think that it’s the best way to really spark that interest within your readers to want to keep reading. I also think that this was probably the best excerpt that you could have used because it’s also relevant to the description and it makes the description and the foreword work really well with each other. There is a slight grammar error but I will mention that later. 
 
 
Plot and Originality (30/30)
In terms of the originality of your plot, I’m pretty sure that I’ve never really read a story like this before. I have kind of read something similar but I think yours is quite different from that one. Therefore, I’m not going to mark you down for the originality of the plot because I honestly can’t. I don’t think you deserve that.
 
I personally really enjoyed the plot of this. It’s a nice change to get away from all of these love stories that I’m always reading and come to something different. This really is an angst story which is good because I struggle to find stories that are actually angst and not just what the writer thinks is angst. In an angst story, the couple isn’t supposed to - as far as I have heard- end up together. This actually happens in your story - they don’t end up together. 
 
I love how Junhyung doesn’t want to be with Hyunseung, he just wants to get away from their relationship because he can’t stand it anymore and it’s killing him, killing both of them. At first, he doesn’t want to tell him but then he does and their relationship ends. Then he feels guilty but when he sees him again, he realizes that he actually wants to be with him once more but Hyunseung has moved on. 
 
I really, really enjoyed this and I still can’t mark you down.
 
 
Characterisation (18/20)
I think you have developed your characters quite well. In a oneshot, people sometimes struggle to create realistic and developed characters because you are writing a complete story in only one chapter but I don’t think you could have done it better than you did. 
 
I feel like you captured Junhyung quite well. I mean, he really seemed like a real person to me. A real person would have had changing emotions during and after a break-up, just like Junhyung did. I found myself feeling a lot of sympathy for him at the end when he realized that he shouldn’t have let Hyunseung go and he shouldn’t have broken up with him. 
 
I find it quite ironic that he was the one that wanted to break up yet in the end, he isn’t happy about it and Hyunseung, who didn’t want to break up, is actually quite happy and he is in a new relationship and has moved on.
 
I don’t really see the point of Doojoon being in the story though. From what I can tell, he is Junhyung’s friend that is in love with him, but what does he really have to do with the plot of the story? I just don’t think he really fits in that well.
 
 
Writing Style and Language (22/25)
I like your writing style. You manage to find a good balance between dialogue and description which is something that I like. I also like how there is some imagery here and there and it really helps to make the story more dramatic. However, I do feel that you could have elaborated on you’re the descriptive parts a little. I liked them but I kind of wish that they were a bit longer so that I would have enjoyed your one-shot a little more. But I know myself that your writing style will get even better over time so don’t worry too much about it.
 
The grammar thank god was completely fine. There were a few random errors here and there which must have been typos but honestly, there was nothing really wrong with it. Spelling was fine too so you don’t have to worry about that either. For someone that doesn’t speak English as a first language, I think you write in English quite well.
 
There was one error in the excerpt that you put in the foreword where you wrote ‘lifes’ .which I don’t think is actually a word instead of ‘lives’ but I assume it must just be a typo
 
 
 
Flow (10/10)
The oneshot flows at a good speed. It doesn’t drag on too much nor does it go too slow so I think you have done perfectly fine here.
 
Total (95/100) 
 
Congratulations! You're on our featured list. I am honestly so sorry that it took us so long to review your story. I couldn't get in contact with HayyitsShayne - she told me that she had almost finished the review but she never sent it to me and she still hasn't got in contact with me. If there is any way I could make it up to you then please let me know.
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Comments

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Lovex2254 #1
Chapter 53: Oh yeah, when you asked how she was so motivated and thing it was somewhat that she wanted to e better an live up to all her dad's expectations which was why she also struggled with purging.
Lovex2254 #2
Chapter 53: Picked up! Thanks for the review!
Recha_L
#3
Username: Recha_L

Story Title: Voice Of Silence

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/454440/voice-of-silence-2min-minho-romance-shinee--taemin-

Description: Minho can hear people's thoughts, And Taemin is mute

Reviewer: coolgirlaamy

Is English your first language: No it's third actually ^^

Number of chapters: 5 on going

Thank you ^^
JESLEN #4
Username: littlemisshappyify

Story Title: Imposter

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/471056

Description: A woman woke up from a hospital without any memories of who she was and what she is.



She later learned that she is Moon Chae Won, a hated heiress and shunned by society.



She was also engaged to a handsome business tycoon who hated her with a virulence and would stop at nothing to end the engagement.



What would happen if another woman appear and accused her of stealing the woman's identity?



Labeling her as an Imposter?

Reviewer:OutspokenGirl612

Is English your first language: no

Number of chapters: 30 and on going
Banana_Dreams
#5
Chapter 49: Ok~

I'm back from my business trip :D (ok, more or less xD)

Ok, first of all, thanks for the great review! :D
Too harsh? I don't think so, I prefere it that way and I think that your review will help me to improve on myself :)

I'm also super happy that you subscribed to 'Boy Toy'. That means a lot to me ^-^

I'm a little nervous since you say you aren't that into 2PM...so I need to make this story really good...for the sake of 2PM xDD


As you know...I'm a loser when it come to grammar o.o *hahaha~
I try my best to improve, but yeah...
I've requested a beta shop to look through my stories. Since I want my readers to enjoy my stories ^-^

I'm going to correct the errors you wrote down for me. It may take some time since I'm currently really busy, but I'll definitely do it :D

About the characterization. I've written down what they like and dislike. What their fears are, their Family problems and of course their looks ^^
I'm in generall really bad at characterization, but I'll try to add in a little more in the next chapter :)

Ok...about the xD
I guess that it really hurts? ö.ö
But I wanted them to be rough to each other...because well, they don't have feelings for each other. (At first xP)
The story is nearing the end and you'll notice that they are getting more softer towards each other. That was the main idea about the whole plot ^^

I always worry about the lenght of my chapters, so I'm happy to hear that they are perfectly fine! :D

Ok, that was the long comment I've promised ^-^
I already credited you and the shop in my foreword~

Thanks for the nice review once again ♥

Ps.: I hope I can update soon. I'm currently working on a surprise fanfic for a friend, which needs to be finished on a specific date...( since it's a birthday present ^^)
But since it's nearly finished, I'm going to update soon ^-^
Shiny_A_plus
#6
Chapter 51: wow! ty so much!! perfect score~~~ I feel so <3'ed ^_^ sorry it took me so long to reply… I'm on hiatus atm so I am just popping in to say ty and link back!! ty again!!! XD I am really glad you liked it. Like, super duper!! it makes my heart fluffeh.
PastelClover
#7
Request Form :

Username: PastelClover

Story Title: Let’s Meet in Our Next Life

Story Link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/569804/let-s-meet-in-our-next-life-angst-infinite-myungsoo-oneshot-romance

Description: Hi, My name is Hyeri.

Lee Hyeri.



I have been living horribly for 4 years now.

Why?

Are you curious?

Just read the story and you will found out.

Don't expect this story to be a romance-comedy story.

It's not.

It depressing me

Driving me crazy.

My whole life is totally ruined.

TOTALLY RUINED.

By a guy.

A guy that is not even existed in this world anymore.

Reviewer: Anyone

Is English your first language: Nope

Number of chapters: 1
Banana_Dreams
#8
Chapter 49: Hey there~
I just saw my review :D

I'll comment some more!
It's just that I am currently on a business trip. So my laptop is at home T___T

I'll make sure to credit you and the shop as soon as I am home again :3

Btw. Thanks for the great review <3
A longer comment will come as soon as I am back ^_^