Over the years SM entertainment changed a lot. Many new artists, many older ones left the company. I always wondered why they leave, I mean SM is a great company or? That way I thought when I was a rookie. Over the years my mind and opinion about SM changed completly. 12 hours schedules everyday. Totally ok when you're performing and having interviews, but also during the break times? Talking about break times. In 2012 we debuted, in the first half of 2013 we still had no comeback. And you guys really thought we would have a super long break to rest, relax and have fun for ourselves. NO!

We praciced like A LOT! Everyday 10 hours. Stretching, work out, excericing, dance practice, vocal practice. No food, 4 hours sleep in the nights + daily naps on the sofa which is standing in the practice room. Learning lyrics and then...again a flight to a foreign country. Performances with MAMA and that over and over again. 

The weekends were the only 2 days were we had some freetime. But even there we practiced often. At least 2 hours a day. Many fans were impressed that even that we had heavy schedules we still attened at concert of our sunbaenims. And ONLY at our sunbaenims. I really wished to attend at least one concert of 2ne1 or Big Bang, U-Kiss, maybe a showcase of BAP? Not allowed. Only SM entertainment.

We got paid for it.

This all sounds horrible, but I guess SM is not the only company which handles their things like that. Showing the perfect company outside, but in the inside its all a mess. And thats why I was often really scared, homesick, tired and often lost and gained weight.
Now I'm scared again. I want a perfect wedding. I don't want that SM schedules that as well. Soojins stupid idea of marrying twice. Not. With. Me.

Soojin has the luck. She was about to debut with a new girlgroup. Before the debut she left the company, Woolim wanted her. Woolim is a great company for her. Nate left too. Many rookies, sunbaenims and trainees left the company.

There are times were I'm also thinking about leaving the company. Leaving everything behind and have  anew start under another famous company. Maybe DBusiness? YG? Another company who supports great rappers? I really want to only focus on my rapping skills. And if YG ever sends a contract...maybe I will leave. DBusiness the same. DBussiness started off with D-Unit. Now a totally famous hip hop girl group. They also have many solo rappers and another boygroup. Similiar to YG.

In our dorm I have a secret box. I guess many idols do have it. A box with company contracts. Every months you get at least one letter from another company. A contract which you can sign and then leave your current company. Start something new. 

I got about 40 of these contracts. Many company groups are interested in me. But as much as I want to leave SM behind me, will it really be better in another company. Aren't other artists stressed, tired and depressed of having a heavy schedule too? Also, I would have to leave EXO. I can't do that after I performed with them for 10 years. I can't leave them behind. They're my family.

I'm sitting in front of our Tv cabinet. I hide my little box inside of it. The box is in front of me now. I'm holding some of the contracts in my hands. Read them over and ver again. Should I really do it? I can't do that! What is with Kyungsoo? I can't do that to him...

~Ding~Dong~

I look up. The door bell! Quickly I throw all the contracts into the box, close it and throw the box back into the Tv cabinet. I stand up, fix my clothes and walk up to the door. One check on the monitor. (We have cameras in front of the door)
The postman?

I open the door. He smiles at me. Hands me a bag full with fanmail. I smile back, take the bag. I want to close the door as I thank him. He stops me.

"I forgot that" he says and hands me a single big letter. Confused I take it. Bow down. Wish him a great day and close the door. Together with the bag and the mysterious letter I walk into the kitchen. I throw the bag on the kitchen table, my whole attention on that letter. It's a little bit fat and heavy. Special fanmail?

I turn the letter around. Searching the sender adress. In a little corner I spot this familiar sign. Is that really...? I reach out to get a knife out of the knife bord. Slightly I cut the letter with the knife. Trying to open it without damaging something inside.

I lay the knife down on the counter. Slightly unfold the papers and take the inside out. Some papers fall out to the floor. I pick it up.

'YG audition' 

It's YG entertainment...
Confused about what YG exactly wants of me, I walk with the papers to the kitchen table. I sit down and spread out all the papers on the table. Inclueding a thick book. 

'YG audition' 'Our company' 'About us' 'Contract'

I read the last paper. Contract. They really...
Shocked about the fact that YG seems to want me in their company after 10 years I lower the contract after reading it. I cover my mouth with my free hand. My eyes wander down to the contract once again. Maybe I'm dreaming? 

I skip through the thick book. Pictures everywhere. Stories about their artists, trainees, schedules. Everything seems so perfect...
I look again at the contract. I once said 'If YG or DBusiness ever sends a contract, I'll leave'
But now...Should I really do that? I can't just leave EXO behind.

The contract says that YG wants to focus on a solo rapper career, as well as a career as actress in dramas and in hollywood. I want to mention in once again. Hollywood. Hello? Hollywood!?

I'm already famous worldwide, but as an actress? That would be totally new to me. Should I try it..? Should I risk and leave the company?

I have to talk with Kyungsoo.
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BOOH! - It's me once again with an update! hehe

Shocking? Naaa...

Anyways,

COMMENT! ♥