The following days were probably the hardest of my life, even though I didn't really do anything. I tried to work on my debut together with Chanyeol under YG ent. but both of us didn't really had the mood to. Kyungsoo and the other EXO members were organizing Jongins funeral, managing the stuff with the news.

Luckily YG understood our situtation and so we could delay the debut for 2 weeks, but he still insisted because of my pregnancy.

Lay is still in the coma and I try to visit him ever second day. I don't want him to be alone when he wakes up, if I'm busy another member is besides his bed, watching over him, checking that his status is always good. Luckily his status didn't get worser yet.

But then again...Kai.

One sleepless night follows another one. I can't stand it anymore. I miss him so much. Old memories keep chasing me, our first kiss, his stuttering, his dancing skills, our times together, the flights we shared next to each other laughing about the weirdest stuff such as plane foods. I miss everything. Every night I cry, scream and punch around myself until Chanyeol storms into the room to wake me up from my nightmares.

It's not good for my health and also not for the one month old fetus growing inside of me.

It's 12:35am right now. I just woke up. I sti up in my bed, my ponytail is almost opened and my top shifted. I'm sweating again and as I feel around I feel that my pillow is wet. I cried again. I cried while sleeping.
I move the blanket aside and turn around to slip into my slippers.I switch the table light on and rub my eyes. 12:37am.

I walk to the kitchen. Chanyeol isn't at home yet. His jacket isn't laying on the table like it always does.
I stretch my arms before I move a chair to the counter, because I can't reach the closet where Chanyeol stores his mugs and cups. 

I take a sip of the water I just purred into the huge exo-printed mug and stare to the kitchen entrance. As I take another sip I notice the calendar hanging next to the entrance. That one date higlighted with a red marker. It's the day of Kai's funeral. As I nlink a tear leaves my face but I quickly exhale deeply before I cry again. Chanyeol marked the date.

21st of march.

Not a special day for anymore, not a holiday, not a birthday will be celebrated on that day, well not in our case. It's just...Kai's funeral. And it will take place in 2 days.

As I walk back to my room I pass the huge closet of Chanyeol. My black dress is already hanging there, the shoes right next to it. It's actually a beautiful dress, a dress which won't show the small stomach of me, because nobody outside yg knows of my pregnancy. But then again...it's a funeral dress. It's not made to share happyness.

I slip under the blankets and stare to the ceiling. It's a cold night, but maybe it's just cold because I opened the window tonight. 

uhm

hm

yeah

He's gone now.

Forever gone.

I couldn't even say goodbye...

Memories of long ago, please give me the strength

I still can't understand it.

What has happened that night. Why is Lay in korea anyways, he was scheduled for a music show in china.

~Ring~~ring ring~~

The phone drags me out of my thoughts. I sti up, grab it and answer it without looking ont he display.

"Hello?"

"Ms Park?"

"eh yes"

"Here is Dr. Kim from the Seoul National Hospital. We got good and bad news for you"

"Is something wrong?? Is Yixing ok!?"

"These are the good news: Mr Zhang woke up from the coma"

Happyness tears fill my eyes. Finally...he's back.

"But as we made a bloodtest we found a high number of alcohol"

"wait..what"

"Mr Kim Jongin was clean. 0% alcohol in his blood. Mr Zhang and Kim both used the same car that night, unfortunately the wrong person drove."
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Hellow hi here's an update. I was busy, i'm still busy, school kills me, normal stuff i guess. ok bye.

ps leave a comment pls.