I never knew that this would happen to us - to me, again..

I was on top of her, both of us were panting.. . Then, I realized, that something just happen between us, that I never expected, I let it slipped so easily. "I miss you so much, Amber...oh god, I love you... I love you so much.." She whispered, caressing my cheeks with her hand, while smiling sweetly at me. Her tears were falling as she said those words.

I blinked and stared at her from the top, while her thumb was rubbing my cheek, continuously. I searched her eyes carefully.. slowly.. and I was surprised.. I tried to find something else, that she was just lying to me.. but.. there was none.. instead, her eyes shows love, care and.. pure sincerity..

And then all of a sudden, tears were starting to build in my eyes. No! She was playing on you again! Get out of here, immediately! Suddenly, I remembered what she did to me. On how she hurt me..She must be lying again..

I quickly removed myself on top of her, even before my tears fell from my eyes. "Amber?.." She said, softly, and not to mention that she sound so puzzled. I didn't respond, but ignored her as I was reaching my clothes from the floor.

Once I was already, zipping my jeans, I felt her watching me. From the corner of my eyes, I saw her sat up, and lean her back against the headboard as she pulled a blanket up to her chest. "You're.. Y-you're leaving?" She asked and I still ignored her.

I stood up from the bed, grabbing my shirt and shoes, before stepping out from the room, topless. Immediately, I felt her following from behind, and then I plopped myself on the sofa in the living room to wear my shoes. From my peripheral view, I saw her standing a few steps away in front of me, just a blanket wrapped around her body, watching me again.

I stood up, fully clothed. "It is late. That's why, I have to go home." I said, without even looking at her.

I turned around, ready to leave but I stopped, when I heard her spoke. "I love you.." What did I just hear? I turned back, looking at her, more like challenging her not to say it again. "What?" I asked, mockingly.

She took a deep breath, as if she was collecting some courage, then she managed to put a small smile. "I said.. I love you. I love you, Amber.." I didn't miss the tears were flowing through her cheeks, even if I was already a few steps away from her.

What is she planning to do now? To get me fooled again? I balled my fist, my anger was starting to rise again. I can't be fooled. I scoffed, stepping closer to her while I held her gaze. "You love me?" I said. As if, what I hear from her was now like a joke for me.

She nodded. "Yes.." She said, "I love you, Amber.. so much.."

I took a deep breath, glaring at her. "Do you really understand what did you just said?" I said through gritted teeth. She just nodded in response, tears were constantly falling through her cheeks.

When I was just a foot away from her, I just locked my gaze onto her face, avoiding any eye contact, because truthfully, I was afraid.. I was afraid to see something in there. "Can you please.. stop all of these? I'm sick of it.. I'm really sick of it.."

She stared at me confused. "W-what do you--"

"Don't!" I snapped, glaring at her. "Don't you ever say that! -- don't you ever say, that you didn't know anything!"

She tried to reach out her arm to touch my face, but I swatted her hand. "A-Amber.." She sobbed.

"Why did you came back to my life?" I didn't notice that I was also tearing up. "I was okay.. I was starting to live a peaceful life.. until.. until you came again!"

The whole place was awfully quiet, except of our cries. "N-no.. Amber please.. let me.. listen to me.."

This made me more infuriated. "No! You listen! You listen, Jessica! You didn't know how I went, after you betrayed me.. you didn't know how I was hurt, when you cheated on me.. you.. you made me believe that you really loved me.. you made me believe our relationship was real.. as stupid as may it sounds.. you also made believe that it was like a fairytale.. I loved you Jessica.. I loved you so much, didn't you know that? I gave you my everything.. I.. I surrendered my heart to you.. I was so faithful.. why? What did I do to you? All I ever did was to love you.. and yet, you still hurt me.. you betrayed me.. w-why? Is it.. is  because.. I'm a girl?"

I was so messed-up; I felt so vulnerable. I was sobbing and the pain was still there as I said those words to her. I wanted to hear her explanation, but my anger was just too strong, that anything would come out from her lips - for me, it was a lie. She stepped closer, reaching out for me. "N-no.. A-Amber.. I-it wasn't.. It wasn't you.."

"Don't." I chocked as I stepped back, avoiding her touch. "Please.. I am sick of hearing your lies. You never really cared.. even from the start.. you.. you were just faking it.. you didn't visit me at the hospital.. even once, when I got into an accident.." I didn't expect her to respond , but she sobbed harder.

I chuckled bitterly. "It was so ironic, that after locking myself for seven days inside my room - without eating or sleeping properly, that after what you did to me.. you know what? I still had the urge to see you.. because.. I missed you.. because I felt, that we could still fix it.. but when I came here, that night.. I saw something.. rather.. rather surprising.."

I wiped my tears away, looking at her where she was still weeping. "You killed me, Jessica. You broke my heart.. you broke it into thousand pieces, that I thought it will never heal, but thanks to Krystal - your sister.. she helped me stood on my feet again.. my wounded heart was starting to get fix, because of her.." I paused as I took a deep breathe. My cold demeanor was back again. "I wish, I shouldn't have just came in our dorm when you and Tiffany went there for Krystal. I wish, I shouldn't have just talk to you when Tiffany left. I wish, I shouldn't have just approach you. Maybe, if I prevent it from the start, this would not happen to me.. to us.. I wish.. I wish, I shouldn't have just met you.. I regret all of it.." I turned around, walking towards the door, aware of my tears and her cries, but I stopped. I spoke, without turning. "About what happened tonight, forget it. For me.. it was just - it was nothing, and I.. I regret it.. I'm going to quit as a host.. move on.. let's just move on.." And after that, I left. I didn't miss her sobs, became louder when I closed the door.

On my way back to my place, there were already no tears, that fell from eyes, even just a single drop, but my heart - it was.. it was hurting, it felt numbed at the same time. I couldn't deny the pain inside of me when I left there.. I wanted this to happen.. I wanted this closure, but I felt so hurt.. despite my anger, seeing Jessica in pain, I couldn't help but to feel hurt, also. I wanted to forgive and just forget everything, but it was so hard.. it was really hard, that my anger and hatred towards her was just too strong to handle.

I was too preoccupied, about what happened, that when I opened the door, I was surprised to see Victoria, Luna, Sulli and Krystal in my place. "Amber!"

"Amber-unnie!"

"Hyung!"

Luna, Victoria and Sulli exclaimed in surprised at the same time, when they saw me standing at the doorway, and I was still confused about the sudden visit. I frowned, when I saw Krystal crying, and then she suddenly ran towards me and I was surprised when she suddenly hugged me.

"W-what happened.. why are you crying, Krystal? Are you okay?" I asked in panic, when I thought, that something bad happened to her.

She leaned back to see me, as she palmed both of my cheeks. Her face was contorted in worry. "Are you okay, Amber? Did something bad happen to you?" I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion.

"H-huh?" I said, puzzled.

"We have been calling you for a few times, Amber. Krystal said, you texted her that you were going to MBC at 6:30, then when Krystal went here at 8:00, she waited for you, then she grew worried when it was already 10:00 PM, and you still wasn't here. She called you a few times, then she said you weren't picking up. Then, she called us and we found her crying on the couch. We were worried, Amber. Where the hell did you go?"  Victoria said, as the three of them walked to our direction.

I was so distracted about the events today, that I forgot, Krystal was going to be here. I also forgot to check my phone earlier, when I left at Jessica's, because I was thinking of something.. else. I was so stupid, that I made them worried. But in the meantime, I didn't want to talk about it yet, because I was so exhausted.. I was physically and emotionally drained. I didn't have enough energy to talk to them now.

"I'm sorry for making you guys, worried." I said, looking down, then pulling myself away, gently from Krystal's arm. I was so tired, to the point my voice was also affected. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm really sorry for being stupid, that I didn't tell you where I was the whole time. Right now, i am so tired. I.. I just wanted to rest.. I'm really sorry, again.. I'm really sorry.. Goodnight, guys.." I said, still looking down as I went to my room.

When I already closed the door, I took my phone into my pocket, then unlocking it. 35 missed calls from: Ddudongie

22 unread messages from: Ddudongie

15 missed calls from: Victoria

10 unread messages from: Luna

18 unread messages from: Sulli

I heaved out a deep sigh. "They really must be worried." I whispered to myself, before walking towards my bed and laying on it, without even removing my shoes or changing my clothes.

I closed my eyes, and the last image of Jessica, just popped out of nowhere. I whimpered as I rest my forearm on my face. I didn't even notice, that I was silently crying again. You already had a closure with her.. All you have to do is completely move on.. move on with your life.. but why do I feel so hurt, if I really wanted this? I was so tired to think, that my eyelids were already dropping, that I realized, I already drifted off to sleep.