After seeing Jessica that night, all of my memories with her flashed into my mind. Her lies. Her betrayal. I thought, the horror of my past relationship with her was done, but I guess, I was wrong.

One thing, I never thought that I would have a terrifying panic attack in my whole life - I never experienced it ever before, until the moment inside the elevator alone with her happened.

The feeling was scary and I wasn't even overreacting! I thought, I'd have a heart attack because of my fast heart rate. It wasn't great;  wasn't memorable; it was horrifying, rather.

That was one of the reasons, why I still wasn't ready to fall in love. I admit, I was still afraid. I already moved on, but you see, the pain is still fresh and I just couldn't forget what Jessica and Taecyeon did to me. The thing that made me hate both of them..

"Amber?"

I blinked, turning my head towards the direction of the voice. "Oh, Victoria-unnie.."

"We're already here at the dorm. You sure you don't want to get in  first? We are worried about you, Amber. You were quiet ever since we left Hong Kong - hell even after the concert. What is bothering you?"

"Unnie, is right Amber-unnie. Why don't you tell us about it, and we will talk about it like a family. Unnie, it isn't healthy that you're keeping your problem just for yourself."

"Yeah, hyung. Sleep at the dorm, just for a night since it is also your house."

The worried looks that, the members were giving me and the comforting words that they are telling was making my heart melt. I was really glad that I have all of them. I smiled, sighing. "Okay. I guess, you guys were right."

Everyone grinned, while Victoria ruffled my hair. "Good."

We bid our goodbyes' to the rest of the f(x)'s team, including our managers before we stepped out from the van, heading straight inside the building. Inside the elevator, the four of us were just quiet, maybe because of me and once we entered the dorm we dropped our luggage everywhere, leaving there for awhile.

"Aah~ that feels great.." Sulli moaned in delight as she plopped herself on the sofa.

"Yeah.. God, why do I feel the flight was long?" Luna added, sitting beside Sulli on the couch.

"Yah, bring your luggage to your room." Victoria said, before entering her own room with her things.

"Yes, unnie!" Sulli and Luna said in chorused, raising both of their thumbs. I chuckled sitting with them on the sofa.

Ring.. Ring..

"Hello?"

".."

"Hello?" I repeated.

".."

"Who is that?" Sulli asked.

"I don't know." I mouthed, shrugging my shoulders.

"Hell-" Then all of a sudden, the caller hanged up. "What the.."

"Why? What happened?" Sulli asked again, rubbing her eyes with her palm. I heard some snoring noises coming next from Sulli, then I noticed that Luna fell asleep.

"Oh, nothing. The caller just hanged up on me." Then I looked at the caller ID. "Yep, unknown caller again."

"Again?" I looked at her and nodded. "What do you mean again, hyung?"

"Well.." I trailed. I guess, I don't have a choice but to tell her this. "I've kept on receiving unknown calls for the past 8 months."

"YOU WHA--" Her voice raised a bit, but when we saw Luna stirred on her position, she tone down her voice - more, like a whisper. "You what, hyung?"

"I said, I've kept on receiving unknown calls for 8 months." I said, like it wasn't a big deal.

She scoffed. "How could you be so cool about it? Don't you think that it is scary? 8 months,hyung? Really? You just let it pass?"

"It isn't like a threat. I mean, nothing happened to me. See? It was just calls, Sulli. And for goodness sake, I am vigilant so don't worry."

She stared at me, like there were horns growing on the top of my head. "I don't understand, why are you so nonchalant about it."

"Well, Sulli.. I'm not nonchalant. I'm not just overreacting."

She rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm going to tell this to manager oppa and Krystal. I am scared for you, hyung."

"Well.." I petted her head. "You don't have to do that, because he already knows."

She was giving me this are-you-serious look, and I just smiled at her, shaking my head side to side. "And he didn't even informed us, about it?! Even, Victoria unnie?"

"Because, I don't want you guys to get worried."

"I am worried, hyung." I smiled at her sincerity. "That was why, I didn't want to tell you. We are already stressed because of our schedules and I don't want to be the 'another'" I paused, putting air quotes on the last word. "Stress of f(x). So I hope you understand. Just don't tell to anybody, okay. This is just between you, hyung and I."

She was about to protest, but I didn't let her. "Sulli, I know what'll you say. Just understand, and I will promise you that I will be more careful than ever." I said, smiling.

I know that, I really didn't convince her that much, but I know her. Once, I already told her my promise, she would stop. "You promise that, okay?"

"Yes, Sulli." I said. "Of course. Don't worry about it. I will be More cautious now."

Then we both craned our necks when we heard some door opened. "Aish.. Luna, I said clean your things before you sleep.." Victoria said, when she saw Luna sleeping on the couch. Sulli and I giggled.


















 

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"So, Amber.. Can you tell us now what is bothering you?" I felt like, I've been cornered by my three members and their looks was making me calm but hesitated at the same time. But why am I hesitating? As if I did something wrong?

"Well.." I trailed as I took a glance at the three who was sitting on the sofa, across from me. They were waiting for me to speak, but they were also giving me time to be as comfortable as possible. I took a deep breath. "The night before the concert, I had an encounter with.." I swallowed the lump in my throat as if something stuck like a rock in my throat.

I fiddled with my fingers, looking at the three of them. "I had an encounter with Jessica. I said as fast as possible.

"What?!" Luna and Victoria exclaimed like they couldn't believe what I just said, while Sulli was silent staring at me with wide eyes.

I let out a deep sigh, lowering my head. I was still uneasy mentioning her name in front of them, seriously. "H-how did you feel?" I smiled at Victoria's concerned voice.

I chuckled, but without humor, more like a sad one. "I was like.." I paused as I remember that night inside the elevator. I almost shivered. "A.. Nightmare."

Soft gasps could be heard from them. A tear was threatening to fall, and I squeezed my eyes shut to held it in. The pain.. It still lingers, and i really wanted to get out from this little cage that I made.

Despite the palm, I continued. "I want really expecting that encounter. Honestly, i wished that I would never see her face again, but inside the elevator with her, the feeling.. It was.. It was suffocating.. I felt like a claustrophobic that moment. In addition to that, the pain inside.."

"Amber you can stop now. We knew that you are not comfortable talking that.."

I looked at them and almost melted by the concerned looks they were giving me. I smiled. "Unnie.. Yes, it is making me uncomfortable, but I want to bury the pain, it is making me pathetic. I already moved on, but I felt that it wasn't enough. I really wanted to be free.. Guys.. Am I doing the wrong thing?"

"Oh, Amber.." Victoria walked towards me, sitting on the armrest beside me, then followed by Luna and Sulli who sat on floor against my leg.

"Pabo, hyung.. What made you think that?"

"Unnie, Sulli is right. Are you out of your mind?"

I looked at Victoria who just draped an arm around my shoulder. "Amber, you are just doing the right thing. You moved on then, bury the pain inside your heart then lastly you have to forget and forgive so that--"

I looked at her, shocked. "Forgive? I won't think I'm ready for that.." I should my head, pressing my lips. "And I hope you guys can understand, that what they did wasn't forgettable.."

"I understand about the forget-part, because I know it was really hard to forget such thing.. But Amber, you are just holding yourself to move one because you cannot forgive.."

"But I already moved on unnie. The feelings are already gone."

She sighed. "But don't you think it feels so good to live without hatred and anger in your heart? It feels so good to love again, without any resentments?"

Love? Could I love again, despite the fear of hurting again? And her question, put me into a deep thought.. Am I willing to forgive?

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A/N: Hi! doule update for my lovely readers! Happy 1st anniversary to this story! lol.. i never thought that TTR would took 1 year.. :D