“You are completely worthless, you know that?”

“Mom!” Hannah looks shocked up at the woman who what everyone knows could be a 40-year-old version of Hannah with the same blonde colour. The woman is tanned and skinny; her face looks older than what Hannah always have thought she looks. Her face-expression is angry and disappointed, and Hannah can feel her insides turning out of fear and worry.

“No one likes you, you are just a star of the moment who brings in money. Don’t you think they will get tired of you too? Like everyone else. You are worthless,” her mother repeats with a disgusted face-expression. Hannah’s eyes burns to see her mother say this to her, the woman she has respected and looked up to all her life. To think a mother who is strong and confidence and doesn’t take any bull from others…

“You don’t mean that.”

“But it is the truth, you know that,” her mother answers and takes a seat in front of Hannah. She looks around and Hannah follows with her eyes, her body cold when seeing they are on stage, fans around them. “These people … do they really like you? It’s marketing.” Hannah looks up at her members running out on the stage, singing and having a blast, and there are more people on stage too. She sees Kyung Ho, Jonghyun, she sees Yong Hyun and Mi Young, and even Honggi is there among the others, running by them out over the stage. She bites her lips when seeing them all laughing and having fun. “For how long will you put up with this act, Hannah? We both know you are not supposed to be here. What could you possible see that makes you similar to these people?”

They are Koreans; Hannah thinks when hearing her mother say ‘these people’. Her mother never gets that right, she only see Asians as Asians, ‘they are all the same’. Her mother doesn’t care about the unique cultures and people each country has, all the amazing things Hannah has been able to see by being among Koreans. But she has her members there; they aren’t Koreans. And she looks out at the audience, the audience she saw at the concert. She is crying when looking at them, opens when she looks closer at the fans cheering. And she tries to smile when seeing them, looking back at the woman she has feared for so long. The woman who has taught her how to brush her teeth and tie your shoes, the woman who has showed her how women can be strong; the woman who was strict and serious and used to sing a lullaby for Hannah and her sister at night when going to bed, the woman who thinks Hannah is worthless for being in Korea and for not seeing a connection with the world.

“All of us have a heart beating for music,” Hannah tells her mother. “It has nothing to do with marketing or stardom, mom; it is all about passion and love. They maybe don’t love me, but they seem to love what I do.”

“You really gives up your family, your own blood, for this?” her mother looks furious and Hannah feels small.

“I never had a family to give up on in the beginning,” she answers, her voice shaky and not confident at all…

 

Tears in her face and someone shaking her shoulders, Hannah opens her eyes and turns around to the side, blinking in shock when realising she was sleeping and has woken up from the hangover once again and she rubs her eyes when trying to wipe the tears and take notice of her surrounding. Jonghyun is leaning over her, stopping to shake her now that she is awake but his face looks worried and terrified. She meets his eyes and she begins to cry again, and Jonghyun looks destroyed by her reaction that he hugs her. He hushes her, his voice sounds smooth in her ears and he holds his arms tighter around her when she leans towards him. He smells divine.

What just happened? Hannah is confused, emotionally confused. She knows she had a nightmare of her mother, the pain in her heart of the dream that could easily have been reality (somehow it is reality, isn’t it? Her mother said the same things in the phone call the other day…) and when waking up, crying, Jonghyun is there, as if proving to her that her mother is all wrong. She closes her eyes tightly when he kisses her cheek, whispering that it was just a dream. She is so silly, Hannah knows she is, and she covers her face when he leans away to look at her. She turns around on the side to hide in the pillow, turning away from her boyfriend who quietly, in such a soft and caring voice tells her it was just a dream, that whatever it was, she is alright.

She’s not alright! She is crying because of her mother and the tears don’t want to stop! Hannah cries quietly, wanting to yell, but she cries more as her brain keeps repeating her mother’s voice when saying “you are worthless”. Jonghyun hushes her again, resting his forehead on her hair and he gives her a light kiss on the cheek again, whispering over again that it’s alright. She wants to smile when thinking of the song he wrote, the song in SHINee’s album she featured in, [It’s OK], a love song about missing the one you love because you can’t always see each other, but all of that is ok when they can meet.

“Hannah…” Jonghyun whispers, giving her another light kiss, closer to her ear this time and she really like his voice.

She calms down, pouting behind her hands and she breathes out to let him know she is stopping with her endless crying. He keeps resting his forehead on her, looking at her face of what he can see and then lifts his head up to see how his hand is caressing her hair in hope it will calm her.

“Will you tell me what happened?” he says in a low voice, having a tone she can’t really make out what it is but she knows he really wants to know why she woke up crying.

Jonghyun had been awake for a while, even gone to the bathroom and brushed his teeth using her toothbrush, and when he came back she was crying and it just made him panic. Hannah doesn’t answer first, and he can see from the side the tears in her face. He kisses her softly on the cheekbone, wet from tears, and he wipes it with the tip of his fingers, letting his hand rest on her head from caressing her hair. He is still on top of her, but Hannah has no problem with it, thinking the reason she can’t breathe is because of her nightmare. Jonghyun waits for her to tell him, not being in a rush and letting her calm until she can tell him what just happened. He kisses her lightly next to her eye, caressing her hair again and he leans back when she turns her head to the other side, removing her hands for him to see her face but she is looking to the side. Jonghyun kisses her on the other cheek, asking her again in a low whisper, still showing he is in no rush. She closes her eyes when he wipes more tears in her face, and she notices only now that he is not wearing a shirt. She blinks a few times, still not looking at him.

“I had a nightmare,” she murmur with a pout, trying to not begin crying again, and she breathes out when adding; “My mother was in it.”

“Did she make you cry?” Jonghyun whispers and when Hannah nods he sees she is about to cry again and he rests his forehead on the side of hers, whispering that it was only a nightmare. Hannah keeps her eyes closed, trying to not cry and she just breathes in the scent of him.

It feels like a long time they are lying like that, matching their breathing to one another.

“What time is it?” Hannah mumbles. She is tired and she still has a hangover, but she can’t forget that she has things to do today.

“I have to leave in about an hour,” Jonghyun whispers back and kisses her cheek when lying down next to her, his hand staying by her stomach as he lies facing her. He watches her wipe her tears like a child. “I’ll worry, Hannah… whether you are okay or not.”

She sighs, closing her eyes behind her hands before she turns her whole body to face him, her eyes red from tears and from the hangover and his sad because of her. “I’m not okay,” she tells him, knowing she can’t lie because it’s obvious she isn’t okay. She stays quiet when he caresses her cheek.

“I don’t want to leave you,” he whispers while his eyes follows his fingers that caress across her lips.

I don’t want you to leave

“My ladies will take care of me,” Hannah whispers when his fingers have gone to her chin. It is really distracting. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes closes again when his fingers go up to her forehead, goes through her hair to keep it away from her face and he holds his hand at the back of her head, his elbow resting on her shoulder and when she opens her eyes again he is closer to her, his eyes intensely looking in hers.

“It hurts to know that I let anyone make you cry,” Jonghyun whispers in a different tone, almost sounding a little angry at himself. “If I could talk to your mother, explain what she is doing to you… She is human, Hannah; she has feelings.”

“Forget her.” Hannah doesn’t want to do anything more with her family in Sweden. “I’ll stop crying if you stay with me.”

Jonghyun smiles a bit, just a little, and he kisses her at the corner of . “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You are leaving in an hour,” Hannah smiles too.

“I’ll never leave you,” Jonghyun tells her, those intense eyes looking at her again, making it really difficult for her to breathe correctly. “Never, Hannah. Miles between us will never make that change.”

 

After eating breakfast together, Hannah is sitting in the sofa downstairs, her hair as much as a mess as she feels she is. Jonghyun is sitting close to her, dressed and ready to leave when it is time for that but for now he is sitting with a blanket over him since Ryo is in his lap and they have just been talking about that Ryo should realise that he isn’t a small puppy anymore; Ryo still wants to be in your lap even if he is growing. Hannah doesn’t mind the size of the almost 9 month old puppy; she grew up with a Golden Retriever so this cute Japanese Spitz is nothing for her. She likes to have him in her lap, even if she usually has to sit on the floor when Manager Lim is around.

With a yawn, Julia walks past them to the kitchen. She has just woken up, while Emelia is lying in the other sofa in front of Hannah and Jonghyun; sleeping comfortable under a quilt. Compared to the others, she didn’t go to bed when Pirates of the Caribbean ended. Even stylist Mi Young has gone to bed; well, she is apparently sharing bed with Carolina for some reason.

Jonghyun turns his head to look at Hannah, leaning his cheek on the backrest and he blinks softly at her.

“Do you remember anything from yesterday?” he wonders in a low voice. They haven’t talked about it, and seeing Julia he came to think of all the things that happened yesterday.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Hannah frowns, tiredly leaning her cheek against the backrest too to look at him with tired hangover eyes. She would want to look at him all day; imagining him being the cure to her hangover.

“You drank quite a lot,” Jonghyun murmur and pulls a lock of her hair behind her ear. It tingles in her body by the simple motion.

“I didn’t drink that much,” Hannah chuckles, thinking he might be teasing her, but Jonghyun isn’t.

“So you remember everything?”

“Yes.”

“Do you remember what you did with Kai?”

Hannah frowns again. What she did with him? Didn’t she just ask him to get some drinks for her? She remembers doing that, but by the way he asks the question she is terrified she did something more that she can’t remember.

“What did I do with him?”

“You ordered him around…”

“I remember that.”

“Okay… What about when I came; do you remember what you did then?”

She grimaces now, embarrassed when remembering how she had told him to stay away from her and she had swept another drink. She remembers how upset she was at Kai for bringing Jonghyun along. Jonghyun thinks she do remember when she avoids looking at him.

“Do you remember how I told you to not drink anymore but you still sneaked a drink at the bar when you thought I wasn’t looking?” he whispers by her ear.

His breath is warm to her skin and Hannah bites on to her lips, both by the memory of last night and by his voice. He sounds like he wants to , as if making her realise what she did in a punishment. She glances at him, seeing a grin in his face.

“I did notice it,” he confirms for her. “What about the ride home then? Do you remember what you did?”

Now, she is confused, and her whole face shows it. The ride home? Julia was there, they had taken a cab she remembers. She looks wondering at Jonghyun. “Why do you ask about that?”

He looks to love this, she notices, how he smiles at her question and face-expression and for some reason she thinks he knows something she doesn’t. “Do you remember what you and Julia talked about in the car?” he asks her in an amused tone, he really knows something she doesn’t and Hannah looks upset at that. Her head hurts. She can’t remember talking in the car last night; she just remembers… the car reminded her of Jonghyun. She talked about him?

“How did you come here?” Hannah is frowning when remembering that he had been there when she got out of the car. “You were there before and after the ride…”

“I was driving.” He really likes this, how confused she is.

“No you weren’t…” Hannah keeps looking confused, staring at him, and thinking he is trying to trick her.

“‘Love isn’t eternal’,” Jonghyun whispers in English, repeating what she had said in the car last night. Hannah keeps looking confused though, not sure if she is supposed to know what he means with that. “You said it in the car.”

“What does it mean?” Hannah wonders. She is confused; what was she talking about and was he really in the car or is he messing with her? “You weren’t there… It was just me and Julia.”

“I was driving, Hannah. You said the car reminded of me; it was my car,” Jonghyun smiles at her. “You really don’t remember?”

Hannah pouts. She has a blackout? She remembers getting out of the car, oh, she remembers Jonghyun helping to take off her shoes. That is a good memory… She is distracted by that part, remembering them in the sofa when trying to focus on the ride there…

“I can’t focus,” she mentions and looks down at his hand caressing hers. Jonghyun chuckles and kisses her on the cheek.

Ryo jumps down from his lap when hearing food being made in the kitchen once again, and Jonghyun smiles when biting on to Hannah’s lip. He can now lean over her, kiss her as he always wants to do, and Hannah is still staying confused over last night.

“I am still here,” Emelia mutters from her sofa. She doesn’t have to open her eyes to hear what they are doing, and like always, Jonghyun doesn’t care. Hannah gives out a sound when he touches her and he smiles when hearing her giggle, removing his hand from her but Jonghyun entwine their fingers happily. He looks at her when breaking the playful kiss, smiling.

“I have to go,” he whispers and gives her a peck on the lips before he pulls her up from the sofa with him. Hannah pouts when he takes her out to the hall, not wanting him to leave and Jonghyun smiles when she embraces him from behind.

“Will you text me when you arrive?” she wonders with her cheek against his back. He is going to Japan again, sadly, but it is just for two days so they might be able to meet when he comes back.

“When have I not texted you?” Jonghyun smiles and lifts up his arm to pull her in front of him in a hug. “And you better answer.”

She smiles when he kisses her hair and she looks up at him with a soft face-expression. Jonghyun removes the hair from her face, smiling at what a mess it is, and then smiles at how pretty she is even with a hangover and messy hair.

“Tell me how it goes at the meeting later,” he whispers and kisses her on the cheek.

Hannah had for a moment forgotten about that. She gets worried now when he mentions it, remembering how Lee Sooman had said they will talk through how to handle her family and everything at a meeting on Monday. She only now remembers that she had gotten a mail about it too. Jonghyun gets ready to leave and he kisses her again with a smile, telling her it will go just fine as he sees that his comment put her in other thoughts.

When he has left, Hannah walks inside the kitchen to sit around the table with Julia who is drinking tea, water and a sandwich. The youngest is pouting and making a face, being in a lot of thoughts and Julia is just focusing on her breakfast and to sneak some bread to Ryo sitting next to her.

“Did Jonghyun drive us home last night?” Hannah then wonders, looking up at the side when a tired Mi Young comes inside. “Good morning, Unnie.”

“Mm… Do you have any coffee?” Mi Young asks when sitting down next to Julia. She looks exhausted.

“I can give you a cup,” Julia offers and gets up from her seat, taking a last piece of her sandwich and gives a point to Hannah. “You remember he drove us then? I didn’t think you noticed that because you kept talking as if he wasn’t there.”

Hannah pouts some more. “I didn’t know he was there…”

“Oh… Well, that explains it then,” Julia lightly says when taking out a cup and pours some coffee in it that she had prepared earlier. “Do you want some milk and sugar, Unnie?”

“Milk, please…”

She has a hangover too.

“Did I say something in the car?” Hannah is still confused, and Jonghyun didn’t tell her anything. She is worried for what she could have said, not remembering anything of it.

“You really don’t remember?” Julia laughs in amazement when coming back to the table with Mi Young’s cup of coffee. She takes a seat, looking at Hannah with big eyes. “You talked nonstop- well, you slumbered a lot, and I don’t think he understood even half of what you said. You know, you have a big issue with your language control. One sentence contains three languages; it’s impossible to keep up at times. Though I’m happy you didn’t say anything in Japanese, because then I would be confused too.”

“What did I say then?” She is so worried, but Julia shrugs her shoulders, holding on to her own cup of tea with both hands, blowing a bit on it.

“It was mostly gibberish… Though … you did talk about how much you love Jonghyun, that he is perfect and blah, blah, blah. Honestly, I think he really liked to hear that,” Julia continues to talk while Hannah lets her head fall down on the table. She said that? “But you asked me about one-night stand and those things, which I’m quite confused over because … you made no sense. And you changed language a lot there so I’m not sure if he understood it.”

“What did I say about ‘love isn’t eternal’?” Hannah grimaces when lifting up her head again.

“Oh… You asked for how long I thought you and Jonghyun will be together. That was when you confessed to me how much you love him and I thought ‘blah, blah, blah’ because… well, honestly Hannah, you were really wasted and even if I know all the languages you talked in, I still got no idea of what you said. But I think he thought you were cute, because you said the car reminded of him because of the smell or something. It was an interesting ride…”

Mi Young looks confused at the two girls. “What are you talking about?”

“Hannah was completely wasted last night.”

“I was no-”

“I still am,” Mi Young giggles and Hannah smiles even if she was cut off in her own sentence. It is such a great thing that none of them really have an early schedule – most of them don’t even have a schedule – because whenever Hannah sees someone, they look completely gone: Like they could be sleeping all day. Okay, when Hannah leaves with their manager, Carolina hasn’t shown herself as she is sleeping in her room, but Emelia does not want to leave the sofa and Mi Young joins her there and Julia is actually the only one who seems to be decent. Carolina didn’t drink, but when she gets the chance, she can sleep the whole day.

Manager Lim seems restless when he drives Hannah to SM Entertainment. He talks about the party, muttering that Yong Hyun had almost seen Maria kiss one of the dancers and he tells her it went wild around three in the morning. Too much alcohol;

“I’m glad you and Julia left early.”

He doesn’t know that she was taken home for drinking too much. Jonghyun had complained at it when they got dressed this morning, grabbing her hair for her to look at him when warning her to never do something like that again unless he is there. Hannah’s body tingles just by the memory of his tone all seriously telling her what to do. Why does he have to do that in the iest way?

“Are you listening to me?”

With surprised eyes she looks at her manager, realising she got in other thoughts (Jonghyun…) while he kept talking. Manager Lim sighs and takes a turn with the car. He doesn’t seem to be in a good mood.

“We need to talk it through before we are at the meeting, Hannah. I know you are tired from the concerts, but it is important,” Manager Lim tells her and Hannah quietly nods.

She must have missed something important because she thought he was still talking about the after party. She wants to talk to her ladies about it, to hear who Maria almost kissed and how everything went. Emelia didn’t mention it when Hannah talked to her before leaving now. Hannah does her best to listen to her manager, but he seems really annoyed over something because he keeps talking endlessly without leaving any space for her to say anything at all. When they are coming closer to their destination, he sighs loudly.

“You know that Emelia’s grandmother is sick with cancer, right?” he changes the subject and Hannah is quietly nodding again. It isn’t anything new for them that Emelia’s grandmother is sick; when they talked about visiting the Japanese girl who has cancer, Emelia was the one coming with the whole idea. She had even cried when they had talked to the girl at the hospital, and Hannah felt so sad because she wondered if Emelia’s grandmother was lying at the hospital like this too. The good part is that Emelia regularly sends pictures to her family for them to show her grandmother, to show how well she is doing.

Manager Lim sighs anew, glancing at her.

“I got a mail from her parents saying her mother isn’t eating anything. It doesn’t look good at all for her.”

“They don’t think she… that…”

“If she doesn’t start eating soon, it doesn’t look good,” he says in a low voice, trying to control his breathing. “And they wanted me to tell her because they didn’t want her to hear it over the phone but from someone who can comfort her. I don’t know what to do about that.”

“Tell her when no one else is around,” Hannah suggests, though she has no idea of what else to say.

“I know that, but how do I tell her that her grandmother is dying? I have looked at the schedule and she can’t even go home for a day. On Thursday to Sunday you will be in China, and then she is in Japan on Tuesday… It’s Emelia we are talking about; I don’t know how she will react.”

“Me neither…” Hannah mumbles. How will her friend react to this? Hannah knows Emelia is close her family members; they are a lovely family…

“And I thought I could tell you, because you two have known each other the longest… But I don’t want to tell her when you aren’t there,” Manager Lim tells her as if explaining why he has to tell just her. “If it had been someone else of you, I could tell Maria as she is the leader, but this is Emelia…”

Hannah can somehow understand her manager. Emelia has never really openly talked emotions and such to him, to mostly anyone, but Hannah has known her the longest (12 years!) and she is probably the only one who has spent time with Emelia’s family too. Hannah used to spend holidays with this family, but Hannah still doesn’t think she is the one who should be there when he tells Emelia; what is Hannah supposed to do?

It explains why her manager has been so weird now. He doesn’t say anything more about it as they arrive at the agency, and Hannah is in deep thoughts. What should she tells Emelia? Should she expect her friend to cry or get angry? Will she get angry because she can’t be there? Of course she will!

And Manager Lim wants her to focus on the meeting when they enter the building. Why did he have to tell her this before the meeting then? It’s stupid. He should have thought that she would worry about Emelia; and Emelia’s family for that too. But her manager seems less annoyed and stressed now when he has let it out. So maybe somehow she did help someone.

They wait in one of the conference-rooms for the president, and when Lee Sooman enters he smiles warmly and shake their hands.

“Welcome, Hannah, I’m glad you could come,” he greets her and motions for everyone to sit. He has his secretary with him too. “Did you have a good time yesterday?”

Hannah’s first thought is that he knows that she drank too much and she told Kai to get the alcohol for her, but she avoids to mention that when she comes to think of that it is possible it is a basic opening question; “Yes, it was a lot of fun,” she politely answers, thinking not really as her hangover reminds her of the bad side. She wants to eat a hamburger – maybe they can buy one on the way home. The ladies would probably like to eat from McDonalds.

“Good. Now, let’s go straight to the business, shall we? The reason we are here is…” Lee Sooman begins strongly but glances at his secretary’s papers. “Right. We should start with your family. Do you want to go home for a few days and solve the issue?”

“No.” No way in hell

“Then what did you have in mind?” Lee Sooman kindly asks her.

“Do we have to do something?”

“You mean you don’t want to talk it through with your family?” Lee Sooman is confused.

Manager Lim is fast to try explaining; “What Hannah means is that her family doesn’t approve of her being an artist, and she – who knows her family the best – is sure they won’t change their minds. Believe me, sir, we have many times talked and showed them what an amazing journey this is.”

Lee Sooman is still taken back by Hannah’s response, and she tries to collect herself as she knows he isn’t used to the cold and stubborn Hannah; like most others he is used to the innocent and naïve youngest of 5 Pieces. He understands better by the manager’s explanation, and he is aware of that all families are different – some families accept their children’s talents while others don’t – and he doesn’t judge on that. “But we still need to handle the media. Let’s say we forget your family, Hannah, if that is what you want, but your fans and the media is not calming down to find out the truth to why your family lied like that – if they even believe it was lies – but they want some kind of response. There are even on TV a lot of celebrity talk about your family, which is not good. I know from what others have said; Hannah, you have no interest in this, but since you now are the main in the drama, it is important to handle it – as an artist and celebrity.”

“So what is your plan?” Hannah asks and she gives a pout at her manager when he wants her to loose the attitude, as she comes off a little rude. But Lee Sooman never seem to get upset at that; he has met a lot of foreigners, both trainees and companions, and he is used to different conversations; and after five years with 5 Pieces, he surely is not offended by anything they say or do as long as they don’t mean it badly.

“What everyone is asking is why your sister said what she did. So why did she say it? The truth is…?”

“She wanted money,” Hannah shrugs her shoulders.

“But you don’t want to talk about your sister, do you?” Lee Sooman remembers and glances at the manager, who Hannah guesses is the one who has reported it. Hannah nods. “Would it be alright if we – SM Entertainment – came out with a new statement about your sister; that way, we make the decision and you stay quiet, but people still finds out the reason behind it. Or would it be better if you personally said something similar to … I’m not sure, saying that your personal issues with your family is something you would like to keep private and ask media and others to please accept that and not ask more about it?”

Hannah bites her lip, wondering which would be better.

“Media would still ask questions, they always will, but to stay quiet will just make you seem guilty and at the moment, Hannah, it is not something we need.” Lee Sooman then gets quiet for a few seconds, and he stays quiet while waiting for Hannah to think it through.

“What if…” the girl begins in a low voice, clearing , “what if you come out with your statement first and it that doesn’t … um…”

“If it doesn’t go as planned, you can say your thing, that sounds perfect,” Lee Sooman shines up at her suggestion, loving it, and his secretary is writing it down. “Sadly… this is not the end of our meeting. What I have been wondering and worrying about lately is … if 5 Pieces’ youngest can stand the pressure.”

Hannah is confused: If she can stand the pressure? What pressure? Lee Sooman puts his hands together, his lips pursing a bit and when she glances at her manager, he is trying to not hold his breath. What is this?

“With everything going on this summer, about you and Jonghyun, then your family, and there always seem to be something troubling you,” Lee Sooman begins to say and Hannah thinks she is going to break down in fear of what he will say, “as I saw at the concert, you cried backstage, Hannah, everyone worries for you and I am not sure you can stand the pressure you have on you at this moment. I am not asking you to take a break – we have tried that before, but apparently your managers say you can’t stop working. I get that, Boa is just the same and there are many like that. But 5 Pieces have a lot going on; your concert, your Japanese promotions, it’s about time you begin preparing the next album, you got international promotions too… It is quite a lot. So my suggestion here is that the drama that you are going to begin filming in a few weeks, don’t do it. It can be a good chance for you to just focus on promotions with 5 Pieces, and then you have your book coming out around the world later this year too. It will be a lot-”

“Wait,” Hannah interrupts him; she had gotten speechless while he was talking, “you don’t want me to do the drama? Mr and Miss?”

“It would be best if you could focus on yourself in private and on 5 Pieces’ promotions instead of taking on a big new role. I’m sure you will get another chance later, you are really good at acting, but… yes, I think you should drop out of the drama,” Lee Sooman kindly suggests.

“And if I don’t want to do that…?” Hannah asks in a low voice, then glancing from her manager to the president. “I’m sorry, sir, but I have worked really hard with my character. I have even written an essay about my character, I have been working out and practicing for it… Please, I really like this drama.”

She is begging him, but Hannah doesn’t care. She can not drop out of the drama she has been preparing for all summer; she can not loose this. She sees how her manager and Lee Sooman look at each other, and she looks up at her manager.

“I have worked hard for this!”

“Can you handle it then?” Lee Sooman asks and she looks back at him. She doesn’t want to cry but it is really hard to keep her eyes clear by the thought of that all the hard work will be thrown. “Will you handle the pressure, Hannah?”

“I have handled the pressure in public so far and I will do my best to do even better, I promise,” she answers in a strong voice, a desperate tone. “I can say whatever you want about my family as long as I can keep my role in that drama. Please…”

“In one condition,” Lee Sooman says after thinking about it, “once a week, you have to spend an hour with a psychologist. I do not care how far in the drama filming you have come, but if you miss one week of that, I will personally cut you out from the drama, okay? It is not about money or image; everyone working in SM Entertainment need to do that if I find it necessary and at this moment, you are far on the edge, Hannah. Do you agree on my condition?”

“For how long?” Hannah wonders and Manager Lim wants to cover by her tone.

“As long as I think it is needed,” Lee Sooman answers, and he now, is what makes you know why he is the founder of a billion-worthy company. “We will get papers on it and you can read it through. At the end of the month, I need it signed or you won’t be in that drama. Is that an agreement?”

To answer, Hannah reaches out her hand, nodding when he shakes it. Once a week, one hour; she can do that.

 

After the meeting, Hannah goes to the bathroom while her manager goes to get some paper-work and other things, and after that they can leave. On the way to the bathroom she texts Jonghyun, telling briefly about the meeting and then texts to Maria to ask if the ladies want McDonalds. She is pouting, upset over the hangover and that she has to meet a physiologist and that Emelia’s grandmother isn’t eating anything. Her family isn’t much of an issue for her at the very moment. Her biggest problem is Emelia; what should they do about that?

Glancing up from her cell phone to make sure she is where she thinks she is, Hannah sees someone further down the stairs and automatically she stops. Out of all people…

“Hello, senior!” EXO’s Tao brightly greets her and bows along with Kai, the two boys walking up the stairs. “It was.. tough night?”

“Sure…” Hannah forces a weak smile and glances at Kai who she isn’t really sure is smiling back at her. She looks at Tao. “Did you have fun?”

“It was fun,” Tao says in his cute Korean, “EM taught us trick. A song, really fun”

“Let me hear it next time, alright?” Hannah smiles when they walk by her, and Tao bows again when hurrying up. Kai stops her by lightly touching her arm, and when she turns around to look at him he tilts his head, eyes glimmering and lips move in a shaky smile.

“Are you alright now?” he asks her.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” She feels so horrible about that, for what she can remember. “You aren’t scared for life, are you?”

He chuckles. “No, not for a second,” he answers and shakes his head, smiling at her with his bright teeth showing, “so you are alright too?”

“All I got was a bad hangover and embarrassment moments,” Hannah lightly tells him, and she tries to smile when hearing Tao call from the floor above. “Again, I’m sorry about yesterday.”

“Don’t be. I had fun,” Kai answers and he smiles playfully at her expression, “You know what I mean, who knows, maybe you have to do that to me one day.”

Hannah rolls her eyes at him, smiling though, and she takes a step down. “Don’t you ever become a mess like me though,” she warns him as a joke and Kai smiles. It is so awkward for some reason; she doesn’t know what to say.

“You aren’t a mess, Hannah,” Kai sweetly tells her, “you are very cute… I have to go, or the others will try to make me do the dishes this week.”

They say goodbye and parts, but Hannah is wondering why he said she is cute. He saw her drunk yesterday, sitting on the floor wanting to throw up – in the guys’ bathroom – and he says she is cute? Maybe he just wants to make her feel better.

She goes to the bathroom and then heads to the entrance where her manager soon arrives, and since Maria doesn’t answer on the text, Hannah gives Julia a call when they have gotten in the car, knowing that if it is a lady who will answer, and it is Julia. Always. And Julia confirms that all ladies at home are in on a delicious unhealthy late lunch, and in the background Emelia calls out that they can have a movie marathon. On the ride back to the apartment, buying McDonalds for them all, Hannah and Manager Lim mostly talks about Emelia and her grandmother.

“Food is here,” Hannah calls out in a helpless voice when entering the hall, smiling when Michin is coming running inside. He is clearly more interested in the food than Hannah but she is still happy that he is interested at all. Carolina is the second one to come running.

“Ms Carolina, I thought you were still sleeping,” Manager Lim jokes, because half an hour ago when they had called, Carolina was still sleeping.

“Julia woke me up, saying we are having movie marathon and McDonalds,” Carolina answers and takes the food to see which one could be hers.

“Just take it all inside,” Manager Lim complains and pushes her in with the food. “Ladies!”

They all gather to eat in the living-room, going to watch Pirates of the Caribbean, the second movie because some of them saw the first one this morning. Mi Young has left by now so it is only the ladies, pets and Manager Lim left, but since Hannah asks where the stylist is, Maria begins to talk about the whole morning and that Mi Young went to sleep in Carolina’s room and then woke up and she fell asleep in the sofa and then she lied down on the floor to sleep next to Ryo and her cousin had then come to pick her up. Maria ends the story with a laugh.

“She is drinking tonight too – someone’s birthday – she will be so dead tomorrow!” the leader is laughing, hugging the cosy blanket around her when taking some French fries. Manager Lim is busy pointing at Julia to not let the puppies be in the sofa, and at the same time Ace is getting interested at the food as he is appearing behind Hannah’s back, squeezing his stretched back against hers when peeking out his head next to her body to glance at her food. Pets really don’t hide their intentions. The puppies on the floor are keeping their eyes on those who are eating, almost drooling, and Ace is staying close to someone in hope he can take something.

It isn’t much watching the movie though. they are sitting there, eating and talking about the after party and the concert and Emelia gets her laptop to show comments and videos and whatnot to have them all sit there for thirty minutes realising how much their fans actually loved their concert.

“I said it was awesome,” Maria is confident. “We rocked both days. And at the next concert, we will rock in China.”

Hannah only hears parts of the conversations, going out in different thoughts about the meeting with Lee Sooman, about Emelia’s grandmother… Each time, she is confused with what to do about that, and she keeps looking at their manager to try figure out when he will tell her and how, especially not in front of the ladies here. And then it comes. Hannah gets all frozen when Maria goes to the bathroom, the movie is paused even if no one has really watched it, and Manager Lim tells Emelia that he would want to talk to her in private. Carolina is talking, eating some chicken nuggets even if Maria just told them all to not touch them, but Hannah is just looking after Emelia, then getting up to follow them. Manager Lim and Emelia walk to the office, and Hannah hesitates, not knowing what to do.

“You’re acting weird, Hannah,” Julia chuckles, drinking some water and glancing at the youngest walking back and forth around the corner. Hannah doesn’t answer but Julia is busy telling Carolina she should stop eating Maria’s chicken nuggets.

“Everyone’s done eating; I’m eating the leftovers,” Carolina shrugs her shoulders.

“She told us to not eat those…”

“No, she didn’t.”

Hannah walks up to the door, peeking inside with a sad face-expression, seeing Emelia stand there with her arms crossed and Manager Lim apologizing for what he just told her.

“She’s not dead, Appa, don’t make such a big deal about it,” Emelia mutters and turns around to leave, seeing Hannah stand there. “She isn’t dead, Hannah.”

Hannah steps to the side when Emelia walks by, looking after her friend to see her not walk back to the living-room but go upstairs, and Hannah looks at her manager, both of them looking sad. Hannah turns around when Maria comes out from the bathroom and she waves her hand for them to come.

“Let’s continue,” Maria tells them and heads inside the living-room. Manager Lim walks past Hannah.

“I’ll go up,” Hannah tells him and nods when he looks troubled. But they are interrupted by Maria starting to scream and curse at Carolina in the living-room; their manager needs to take care of that.

The youngest walks up the stairs, hearing the voices downstairs fade slightly and on the second floor, she sees Emelia in her room on the left. Quietly and surprisingly nervous, Hannah walks up to Emelia’s bedroom door, looking inside at the rapper who is on the phone. She had called her mother right away. Hannah comes inside, shutting the door just a bit as they can still hear the voices downstairs, and without a word she sits down next to Emelia on the bed.

“Hannah is here,” Emelia tells her mother sadly, and Hannah thinks she had been asked if she is alone. Emelia is pouting sadly when putting the cell phone to Hannah’s ear.

“Hi,” the blonde girl quietly says and she can hear Emelia’s mother happily greet her back and comment that she like always looked so skinny at the picture Emelia had sent from the concert. Emelia then takes the cell phone back to her own ear, and Hannah listens to their conversation, quietly sitting next to Emelia to just let her know someone is there. After minutes of them talking on the phone, Hannah leans on the side to rest her head on Emelia’s shoulder.

It takes more minutes before the call comes to an end, and Hannah gets to say goodbye to Emelia’s mother over the phone as well before they hang up. Hannah sits up straight, glancing at Emelia who moves back in the bed to sit tailor next to Hannah, hugging her own legs. Hannah sits there quietly, not knowing what to say, not thinking she wants to say anything.

“She can get better,” Emelia tells her in a low voice, resting her chin on her knee so it is difficult to hear what she says. “Mom will call me later when she is at the hospital; it will be in the evening here by that time… I’ll talk to grandma.”

Hannah nods.

One of the members wants to save her family, while another wants to run away from them. Hannah knows they are all different, but sitting here in Emelia’s bedroom and know that the family they are both thinking about has its own flaws, makes her feel bad for Emelia. Her friend does a lot to her family, buying classic American cars and constantly sending pictures to them to show that everything is going well. Hannah even spent a lot of time with them as a child, they always hung out at Emelia’s place as kids, playing and having fun. It was the first time Hannah got to eat cookies when it wasn’t a special occasion, and to eat a mini meal right after school… Her mother always asked if she wanted to stay for dinner or come along to this and that. During summers, Hannah spent all her time with Emelia; the only thing they never did was sleepover. She would ride her bike back and forth from their homes early in the morning and back late in the evening.

“Grandma won’t want me to come home,” Emelia mentions after that they have been quiet for a long time. These two never really have to talk, they can just sit there and be quiet, but Hannah listens to her friend now when she wants to talk. “She says she is proud of me, she always does… And Appa said we can’t change my schedule.”

“If you want to go home, I’m sure we can do something about it,” Hannah tells her.

Emelia swallows, her eyes look distant. “I’m not sure I want to go home…” she whispers. “If I can be there for a day, what difference would it make? It would feel worse to come back, to know I can’t be there and comfort my family… I have known for months that she might die this year; we decided that I won’t come home if I have a schedule.”

Hannah looks down at her hands. Emelia seem so calm about it, not confused with what to do. She knows her family loves her and supports her, and that it would only be harder for them all if she come home for a day or a few… Hannah doesn’t know what else to do; she rolls around to sit on one knee when embracing Emelia for a hug.

They sit there until Manager Lim comes. He wants to know if she is alright, and Emelia takes Hannah’s hand to say they should go downstairs and finish watching the movie. The manager is sure she is angry at him, but Emelia just don’t want to talk about it now.

Coming down the stairs, she calls out in a hoarse voice that they should be celebrating over the weekends’ great concert. And that is the first of many cheers this day, with 5 Pieces celebrating their concert opening. For the whole day they just talk and celebrate and pretend they are watching the movies on the TV. They have fun, talking and exchanging opinions and thoughts and stories and all the things they haven’t been able to share during their hectic schedules apart and preparations, is being said this evening. They catch up with each other; they might live together and spend almost all their time together, but there are things they don’t always say, that they now say.

 

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Headline 22nd: Korea’s Best 5 Book Of The Week Is ‘Joe – Under Seoul’s Streets’

Headline 22nd: EM Releases [Private Business] PV Teaser 2

 

Headline 23rd: EXO Sells Jeans ily With 5 Pieces’ Maria & Hannah In NYLON August Issue

Headline 23rd: Hannah Reveals Her y Abs In Jeans Commercial For NYLON Magazine

Headline 23rd: SM Entertainment Releases New Statement Regarding Hannah’s Family Situation

 

Headline 24th: EM’s [Private Business] Full PV Released

Headline 24th: Julia Says Goodbye On Show Champion With [Party Tonight]

Headline 24th: Weekly IDOL featuring 5 Pieces Airs Tonight!

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X. devonalias