this is not an update but a review :)

Reviewer: Sapphira @ http://monochromaticpixel.tumblr.com/

Fanfic link: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/34732/

Story Title[did it catch my attention?] : 2/5

The title is ok. Not really intriguing. I felt like your story is kind of depressing and I don’t know why. O.o

I don’t really have much to say… since there’s nothing really that interesting with the title.

`Appearance[what was my first impression? Did it catch my attention?] : 4/10

Like what I said, I felt like your story is depressing and sad. Or maybe has tragedy or something serious.

I thought that your story might be another story I’m reading… When I read the description I thought that I was right. Your story is somehow not new to me anymore.

And it didn’t actually catch my full attention.

`Forewords[did your forewords make me wanting to read more?] : 2/10

One reply, No. It didn’t made me feel like I want to read your story more or I didn’t feel any excitement at all. I guess it just lacks the “attention” to readers. Well, that’s my opinion.  It looks so simple and boring.

Think of something more creative. Add more creative questions or mystery and not just the simple and obvious questions that most writer do these days.

`Plot[was the plot cliche or was it interesting?] : 4/15

Well, your plot is not new to me. It’s quite commonly use actually. I didn’t think that your story is interesting.

You know, you could have added some “boom” factor to your plot that could make it very interesting. Because what I think about your story is plain. Spread your imagination. Think out of the box. I know you could do better than that.

`Characterization[was I able to learn about the characters?] : 10/10

I have no problems with the characters. I think that it’s very well organized. J

`Creativity/Originality[was it creative?] :  3/10

Like what I said, think out of the box. I know you can improve. Your story really lacks the excitement. No offense, but I think your story is quite boring. O.o

Make it interesting! It’s like the story is just repeating. Like there’s nothing new happening anymore. Like its revolving on the same story.

`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary[was I able to understand what you were trying to say?] : 6/10

Erm… Please do know if the word/s you are using are single or double words. Like the word “alive” and “nearby”. They are one word only.

And uhm… Also check your punctuations. On some sentences, you placed a wrong punctuations.

And on some cases, you should add the word “and”, like on this sentence “She is the reason why I smile, the reason why I breathe, the reason why I live.” After the phrase “ the reason why I breathe” add the word “and”. Ok?

And check your spellings. J

`Flow[was it too fast or too slow to my liking?] : 7/10

I think the flow is a bit fast. On some scenes or parts I mean.

`Writing Style[did your writing style make it easy for me to read?] : 10/15

Your writing style is fine. Be more descriptive so that It would be nicer to read and so that the reader’s could imagine the scenes well.

And it’s very neat.

`Overall Enjoyment[did I enjoy this story?] :2/5

Sorry but I didn’t quite enjoy reading this story. It somehow bored me. O.o

`Total : 50/100

`Bonus :3/5

Overall Total:53/100

Hope this review helps. J No hard feelings Please.

at least its not that low :)