Sorry I took so long to update, School keeps me extremely busy. I hope you like the chapter. I feel like the story will finally get to start and become more interesting ^^ Please do tell me what you think. Thank you! ^^

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[The hardest thing to say is what I ain't saying ~ Frank Ocean]

Chapter 19:

• Bang Yong Guk: Don’t ask but I was just like on your picture for a while.
• [Insert your name here]: Why the hell are you always on my pictures.
• Bang Yong Guk: I’m not honest.
• [Insert your name here]: Okay, why WERE you on them. The psychotic behaviour just keeps building up.
• Bang Yong Guk:  Why can’t we think of something civilised or cheesy instead of me being insane?
• [Insert your name here]: What on earth is civilised about that?
• Bang Yong Guk:  Becauseeeeeeeeeeeeee
• Bang Yong Guk: I go on your Pictures when I miss you. I go on your pictures because everything else is ugly in my eyes except for you.  I go on your pictures because I miss clicked. I go on your pictures because I want to comment on them or read the comments but most importantly. I go on your pictures BECAUSE I CAN .
• [Insert your name here]: -____- Moving on swiftly…
• Bang Yong Guk:  You = Gay.
• [Insert Your Name here]: Not what Gi Kwang says about me ;)
• Bang Yong Guk: HIM
• Bang Yong Guk: wegtsdfhgsd
• Bang Yong Guk: asgasdg
• Bang Yong Guk: sdgsdfg
• [Insert Name here]: Not very manly behaviour bby.
• Bang Yong Guk: Bring him and you will see manly behaviour.

_______________

The days just seem to get even more impossibly full of Bang Yong Guk. Most of what you talk about is truly nonsense. He bullies you somehow and you talk about how hot his Brother is to piss him off while he retorts by telling you he would your blood. He truly was a weirdo and it was evident the more you got to know about him, however most of the time it was a cute weird. Except for the fact he seems to have a vampire , other than that he was extremely cute. Everything was fine because he was himself and you were you. It worked; you were both like two rivers that joined in the end. However today you were faced with another dilema. Zelo had called you as usual he spoke about his life and you both did the same, he was ing about his girlfriend, how shes annoying and she's not even funny but that didn't make sense to you since you didn't understand why they were together because they broke up weekly however, you could tell Zelo realy liked her it was just sad that she was his first but Zelo wasn't hers. You always feel like she was taking his innocense away and you didn't like that thought. Another topic was the fact that Bang got kind of Jealous of Zelo, the way you talked to him... So after getting off the phone to Zelo you were on the phone to Bang. You had to call the paranoid boy and ask him if it bothered him, he never admitted that it did but you knew him well enough to know it did, maybe you should start being nicer to him? you thought to yourself.

"Imagine I saw you on the roadside and I touched your nose, what would you say?" He changed the subject effortlessly. "Punch your face, what would you say?" You heard him laugh gloriously in response. "What if I bite you" he asked again, "I'd bite you before you bite me" you responded pretending his laugh didn't distract you. "What if I kiss you before you do either" He breathed out deeply, making you lose focus at his words, causing a short silence. "Depends where" you answered, continuing you say "If you dare kiss me anywhere else then my cheek, I'll make sure you lose your life" He burst out laughing again, you could practically see the gummy smile through the phone. "You're cute when you're angry". "I'm serious you know" You murmured back, embaressed at all of his words. "I can't take you seriously. You cannot be that tall and expect me to do so. And cute, don't forget cute" He continued through his laughter, teasing you even further. "I'm serious Bang Yong Guk, Come near my face and I'll headbutt you." It seems he found you to be the most hilarious person in the world during that awkward conversation.

============

You got ready for the event you've been waiting for, for quite a while now. You would finally get to see bang again. You did an early birthday party because most of your friends where going away on holiday and you wanted everyone to be there. It was almost tradition for you to organise something in the summer for everyone to come together and just chill. It started off with you arriving to the meeting spot, you wore a pair of light brown/cream skinny jeans with a lace top under the cream crop top you wore, which that had an image of an ice cream sundae on the front. You weren’t confident enough to show your stomach, you’ve never worn something like this but you wanted to look good and decided the hell with the world. When you arrived, you saw Bang look you over and for once you atually felt confident and blasted him a smile.

You, Hyuna, Ayani and Bang got on a bus to go to where you guys would ice skate. Bang Yong Guk seemed reluctant, or whatever was wrong with him, he didn’t want to skate since he’d never tried it before. You weren’t going to force him, you gentley just told him that if he wanted to he can and if he doesn’t he didn’t have to since other people that weren’t skating were coming. You honestly didn’t mind if he didn’t skate, as long as he was here with you today that was all that mattered… Yet he seemed in his own little world today.

While waiting for more people to come since there was now only 5 people here, you tried to converse with Bang but he was being extremely weird. He kept looking away from you while you were talking; he usually did that when he was upset, scared, nervous or generally just in deep thought about something.  He kept looking away from you and it was getting kind of irritating since you didn’t have a reason as to why. You moved your hands to hold both sides of his cheeks and that made him look directly towards you with a blank look that hinted something else. You tip toed and kissed his cheek, you didn’t know what else to do to make him feel better. You just wanted him to be happy. After that He finally decided to do something and said he’d try ice skating. It was cute that he’d do something he didn’t want to do, atleast his first experience would be with you, that made you internally happy.

He came back walking clumsily with his skates on as you grinned at him, he looked like he wanted to kill himself, you told him to wait while you go round the ring once to get used to it, promising him it was really easy. As you skated around once and came back, he looked at you reluctantly; you flashed him a smile and held out a hand. All your other friends were skating, they seemed quite distant at that moment compared to Bang, you just wanted to spend today with him, and after all it’s been such a long while since you last saw him. You were happy to finally be next to him, you thought as you tried not to laugh at the clumsy boy beside you. He looked like this was hurting his pride and was slowly draining his life source, it was hard to hold in your laughter. You were nice though, you spent quite a while trying to teach him how to skate, however he just couldn’t manage to learn and he seemed to get irritated. More of your friends came and most were sitting outside, just watching you guys and conversing with each other. More people came than expected but then again, it was usually like that.

Zelo finally came with a guy called Jong Up beside him, you helped Bang out of the ring and enthusiastically hugged Zelo, greeting him. They both laughed at Bang Yong Guk, found it hilarious seeing their friend in such vulnerable state. The boys just stood there and conversed so you decided to join your friends and spent the rest of your time skating around with them. A lot of them were here by now and it was a perfect day. Well it had the potential to be perfect. Bang was still acting really weird, you tried to brush it off but it just got worse as the day proceeded.

There was a point during that day where you actually made Bang drop for the first time when you forced him to come back on with you. Technically he didn’t fully drop since you held him up but he refused to come back onto the ice, it seemed you had fully ruined his pride, you felt bad but it was still a pretty funny sight to see. During the rest of the time, you spent your time randomly play fighting with Zelo, you had promised him that this time when you saw him, you would be a man about things and be able to look at him and speak to him normally. It took a lot out of you but eventually it became more than normal. After all it was Zelo. Every time he got rude, you would hurt him somehow, you punched him, bit him, kicked him and even slapped the back of his head once. You were pretty sure he felt violated by the time you were done with him. He should learn his lesson, you though each time, as you proudly ran away from him back onto the ice where he couldn’t get you.

Zelo threatened that he was going to kick your head the next time you got off the ice. You decided to challenge him and he actually pretended to attempt it. He easily slipped out of his shoe and raised his foot an inch away from your face. You stood there shocked before running after him in your skates wanting to kill him for the disrespect you just got. However it only left you tired and full of laughter. In the back of your mind you were still annoyed about Bang being distant, but you couldn’t ruin your day because of that right? While on the ice, there was the cutest old couple you’ve ever seen, they were skating in unison, the old man had his arm over one of her shoulders and another around her waist. While she held on to both of his hands, it was such a adorable sight, Jay park tried to imitate them and do the same with you but you both ended up laughing at your fail as you couldn’t do it.

Having finished Skating, you all went downstairs to the Arcade area. You and the rest of the girls were around a dance machine, Ayani paid for the thing which lasted about 30 seconds, it was such a waste of money. Everybody was spread out, doing their own thing, Bang Yong Guk being distant, Zelo was spurring things like how he knew a short girl called Nicole that was way better then you and her height was cute whereas yours was just ugly. You bickered with him and fought him while Jong Up was laughing at you both, happily entertained with your cartoon like behaviour and Bang was… Well you didn’t even know what he was doing.

You suddenly heard Bang call out your name, distracting you from shouting playfully at Zelo, causing a harsh “What?!” to be directed at him, he seemed unfazed and just pointed at something, you still didn’t understand until he grabbed your shoulders and spun you around so you finally actually looked at where he was pointing, another one of your friends who had just came: Zico. You got really happy and squealed as you ran to hug him, he playfully picked you up and squeezed you tight, you really missed him as you didn’t see him for a while.  Upon leaving the Arcade, Taecyeon pointed out that we only had 2 boys to start with and now there was more than 10 of them and 1 of you. He shooed you away and told you to hang out with what little females were in your group. However that was no fun at all, you always were one of the boys but why was it that Bang’s face seemed to harden as if Taecyeon’s realisation was the most obvious thing ever.

You all went to a nearby park that was extremely huge, you guys found a place to sit, most of the girls sat down and everyone did their own thing. A lot of random moments happened today. Throughout the whole day you continued play fighting with Zelo, there was a moment were Zelo constantly insulted you and you took it as your job to punish him. You pounced from the patch of grass where you sat and held Zelo down to the floor, punching him playfully several times before letting your full body weight sit on him. As he struggled against you, you were now in the position of straddling him, however. It was Zelo, so you didn’t even care, you were surrounded by your friends so no one would think anything of the position you guys were in as you both bickered due to Zelo calling you fat. Why sit on the floor and make your pretty trousers dirty when you had Zelo? You got up off him just a tiny bit to slam back down on his stomach, taking the air out of him along with the next line of insult he was about to throw at you.  The day was really fun as you were being your energetic self, somehow Zico also decided to bully you. He picks you up over his shoulder and spins you around and threw you harshly yet also softly on the grass while running away. You held your revenge you waited for the right moment, you saw him Bent over with his hands on his knees talking to Jay Park who was happily laying down on the grass. You ran and jumped, striking from behind and taking Zico to the floor with you as you started to throw punches at him. You laughed out happily as he screamed trying to defend himself. It was honestly the best, to just be able to play like that with your friends.

There was still the problem of Bang Yong Guk acting extremely weird today, he refused to talk to you or join in with any of the childish games you and your friends played. He stayed standing with Zelo and Jong Up, in a corner, talking amongst themselves. Since it was so hot, Taecyeon and Jay thought it was appropriate to take their shirts off. You ran after them trying to make them put it back on and found yourself bump into Zelo, “Watch where you’re going”. He gave you the best angry face he could muster but you gave him a better one and raised your hand to rub down his fac, harshly from his forehead downwardsina quick motion, only to have him you before you could finish. You screamed insults at him while he laughed only to realise the boys still hadn’t put their shirts back on and ran after them.

After all that running around, everyone decided to sit down, by now a lot of people had left and only a few of you continued to stay out late. Zelo started to irritate you again, telling you that Nicole was cuter then you. You gave him a death glare and had enough of his bullying and decided to swear at him, it was something he hated a lot. “!” you screamed out, he put on a shocked face and went on strike while deciding to pretend you were now the wind. He threw a stick at you and you warned him if he threw another one then you would kill him. “Why is the wind talking to me?” he responded making everyone else laugh at your bickering. You pounced on him and started to attack him as soon as he threw another stick. He started to scream out loud “AYANI, SAVE ME. There’s midget Ghosts in the wind trying to kill me!” Everyone laughed harder and you put him out of his misery by going back to your seat only to throw a stick at him and hear him mutter. “I swear these ghosts are out to get me”. The blank look you received from Bang as you sat down beside him didn’t make you feel any better. It was hard to truly be happy when he was being all silent and distant for no valid reason. You had to much pride to ask him about it because you had already questioned him on whether or not he was okay, several times, only to receive a plain “yeah of course”.
 

Somehow Bang’s hand found its way onto your knee, you were too busy conversing to actually notice until he let out a rough “Why is my hand on you?” You looked at him blanking, wondering what on earth this boy was thinking. He put it there so clearly he could move it, there’s clearly something bothering him so instead of reacting you maintained your blank look and simply lifted his hand off you while throwing it back at him and continuing your conversation with everybody. Why should you be nice if he was acting like a psychopath right? Later on, you even went as far as to hug him only to have him move away from you, that was the last straw of you trying, he was making you go internally insane so after that you decided to just let him act in the way he wanted, let him just exist for that day. You tried really hard not to ruin your day over It but it was really hard, it was like a bug was slowly crawling up to your face yet you couldn’t slap it away,

In the midst of the fun of that day you got a call from your father, he calls you and asks where you were, it was only 8pm but he was still really angry, you got confused because no one told you to go home. He starts to cuss you and tells you to go home and ends the call on you, allowing the silence you heard after to upset you further. You told the girls what happened and hurriedly walked ahead of everyone to get home, the anger in your dad’s voice still rang through your ears, most of the boys left their separate ways but Zelo and Bang followed after you guys.  Zelo jogged up to you and hugged you straight away causing you to have to stop walking. For a split second you thought it was Bang and when you realised it wasn’t you felt as if that caused you to get upset further but still allowed Zelo to comfort you.  He thought you were upset with him because he pretended you were the wind for quite a long time, he started to apologise and you told him that there was no need to and it’s not him, you explained what happened and he just let out a “ohh” while giving you a sympathetic look and gave you another squeeze of support.

You couldn’t manage to smile at him because you were still upset at the situation you were now in, you were going to go back home to angry parents and have it ruin the beautiful day you just had.  Zelo went back to Bang Yong Guk and you could hear them talk behind you, the thing you heard clearly was Bang’s voice say “No, She’s going to attack me or something” … You really didn’t want to go home, as you stood still at the bus stop, you stared into space for a while. Wishing that you could go anywhere else but home, however you had to go and face them, that was inevitable, it was just so depressing. Bang Yong Guk came and blocking your view of staring at the pavement ahead of you. He asked you to look at him and instantly you felt the flood of emotions you had try and break through you. You didn’t want to, if you looked up now, you would cry. But you did it anyway, obeying his every request, as you looked up, he hugged you straight away and held you tightly. You held on to him and felt like crying even more, you tried to hold on to your pride though, other people were around and it wasn’t only you and Bang so you refused to shed tears. No matter what.

You got home and spoke out a hello; no one answered you so I just went into your room greeted with silence. You changed your clothes and while you were changing, a million thoughts rushed through your head. You didn’t understand. Everything was so cruel. No one told you to come home, why did they suddenly get angry? You just sat there thinking why your day had to be ruined. Why are your parents so paranoid of you growing up? Everyone says it will get better when you’re older. That’s not true. It’s just getting worse. You were barely ever allowed out. When you are, no matter what your wear, they interrogate you and ask you why I need to look so nice for wherever I’m going. You don’t understand it all. It was all just so irritating.

Your older brother came in the room, they said they were going to take your phones and you were grounded. Great.  He gave you a hug to comfort you and tried to explain to you how your parents were feelings. He told you It was worse because you’re ‘small’ and ‘fragile’. That it was worse because you’re ‘Pretty’. He said you shouldn’t leave your room or talk to them for a while because they don’t want to see your face… You really wanted to scratch up your face or something. You decided scratching it wouldn’t make a difference, it would heal or it wouldn’t be bad enough. Maybe throwing acid on it would make them leave you alone, however you didn’t exactly have any corrosive acids lying around. You didn’t know why you were have such a emo moment, but it’s not like you really meant it, it was just that they were being so harsh over nothing.

Your negative thoughts continued on to you and Bang. On to the fact you can probably never make him happy, You can’t be a good girlfriend you thought to yourself. You can’t be there for him if something happens, there probably is no future with him for you is there? He probably doesn’t even like you that much you thought. It all seems surreal with him. Every time he talks to you, you feel like you like him just that little bit more, one word closer to him. You sighed and decided maybe it’s best if he forgets me?

When your parents went out later that night, you grabbed your laptop to talk to him.

• Bang Yong Guk: Hey, you okay?
• [Insert Your Name here]: Yeah I’m fine.
• Bang Yong Guk: What happened?
• [Insert Your Name here]: Basically, they’re out now so I’m on the laptop, but. No phones, no nothing, even less going out which probably means none at all.
• Bang Yong Guk: Oh wow, fight the out of them. I’ll be there. 5 minutes.
• [Insert Your Name here]: Lol Shhh.
• Bang Yong Guk: Shall I shoot them? –____-
• [Insert Your Name here]: If only, but no.
• Bang Yong Guk: How long is this lasting for?
• [Insert Your Name here]: Don’t know. Are your friends with you or you alone?
• Bang Yong Guk: They’re here, why?
• [Insert Your Name here]: Nothing, I’ll tell you later.
• Bang Yong Guk: Just tell me now.
• [Insert Your Name here]: I don’t know, I don’t want to say it.
• Bang Yong Guk: Are you going to tell me or not? Because suspense isn’t a good look
• [Insert Your Name here]:  I don’t know… Even though I don’t really think you like me but maybe you should forget about me? You can tell from today and things I’ve told you before about ‘Me and You’
• Bang Yong Guk: What do you mean?
• [Insert Your Name here]: Never mind.
• Bang Yong Guk: …
• [Insert Your Name here]: It’s hard to explain but just think about what I said, I’ll explain more after.
• Bang Yong Guk: Why don’t you think I like you?…
• [Insert Your Name here]: Not sure, maybe you just like the idea of me. I said it’s hard to explain.
• Bang Yong Guk: That makes no sense what so ever.
• Bang Yong Guk: All of that links into who you are, what else am I supposed to like you for other than who you are and what you look like?
• [Insert Your Name here]: Not what I meant, it’s hard to explain okay. I just don’t think you do okay.
• Bang Yong Guk: What the hell?
• [Insert Your Name here]: This is why I didn’t want to talk about it yet.
• Bang Yong Guk: No
• Bang Yong Guk: Because I’m upset
• Bang Yong Guk: Annoyed
• Bang Yong Guk: And Angry.
• Band Yong Guk: You’re telling me I like the idea of you, what. Are you some sort of game that hasn’t been released?
• [Insert Your Name here]: I just meant that, maybe you didn’t like me but liked what I sounded out to be? I’m just saying I can’t make you happy like this. I didn’t want you to feel like that, that’s why I didn’t want to speak right now.
• Bang Yong Guk: I speak to you like all the ing time, why would I not like you? I’m just confused as to where all of this came from, clearly your parents but still. Have I ever complained to you, or blamed you for not seeing me or something like that?
• [Insert Your Name here]: No but you might later on, you will get annoyed and you can’t say you won’t.
• Bang Yong Guk: That’s then, and even so, you do realise the only way you’ll get me to stop liking you is if you completely remove me out of your life and that isn’t happening for me.
• [Insert Your Name here]: Let’s just talk about this later.
• Bang Yong Guk: No, I want to talk now.
• [Insert Your Name here]: As long as you don’t get upset. Talk.
• Bang Yong Guk: I would but them lot are here and Why would I get annoyed if I talk to you all the time?
• [Insert Your Name here]: That’s why I said talk later. Yet you could easily like someone you can always go to see and be with all the time. I’m just saying, when you get tired. Consider it. I’ve always said go enjoy other Pokémon too. Remember that.
• Bang Yong Guk: I don’t want to consider your bull, don’t annoy me. I don’t want any other gay Pokémon. I’ve already got my eyes on one and she’s small so I got to a keep an eye on her or else it seems she’ll easily disappear away from me.
• [Insert Your Name here]: I’m just trying to be honest with you.
• Bang Yong Guk: In the back of my mind I think you don’t like me and just want me to vanish.
• [Insert Your Name here]:  I wouldn’t be talking to you or hugging you or doing everything else if I did.
• Bang Yong Guk: Do you even like me at all?
   

There it was that question that has constantly haunted your mind; it was something you always tried to hide, one you didn’t want to answer. However here it was, seriously forcing you to make up your mind of whether or not you want this. Everything would start to change due to this simple question, which is extremely scary, it was what has stopped you all this time but to have such an amazing and beautiful boy seem to ask you so desperately as if he even needed reassurance.

[Insert Your Name here]: A Little.

Of course you did, you liked him so much that it hurt to think of how your life would be without him, but he has to know, he has to know that this relationship won’t be something he’s used to, he has to know you can’t be there for him even if it was the only thing you wanted in the world. Things would change now, but there was no way you could deny him, there was no way you could deny yourself the change to be able to experience your feelings further. To be able to learn what it is like to have mutual feelings for one another. The question scared you, you didn’t want to say yes completely but saying no wasn’t an option, so you had to settle for a mild admittance. You wanted to say no though, just so he could go on to forget about you and be with someone he’d have a easy relationship with but you just couldn’t do it. You couldn’t do it because Yes you did like him. You’re selfish right?