[June 2010]

[Mi Sun POV]

So, this is it.

This must be where I fall through the cracks, sending me down to hell. With my heart still battering inside my chest, I take a few steps back blindly. My eyes doesn’t want to leave the heartbreaking scene in front of me, it’s as if it wants me to break. But I don’t. I don’t want to break, not here, not now. I stumble back some more, bumping into some people in the process.

I feel numb, hollow. Watching their lips touch… makes me lose my strength little by little. My eyes start to moisten and my bottom lip trembles. They break away from their kiss, and I see his eyes scanning the crowds. I almost let out a bitter laugh. Was he looking for my reaction?

Tears uncontrollably flow down my cheeks now, and I don’t bother to wipe them away. Each tear is like pieces of my heart being washed away, leaving my body, leaving me.

Jiyoung, who still wouldn’t stop smiling, kisses him again, leaving me in agony. Why is it that I can’t feel my heart anymore? Why can’t I feel it beating? Feel it stopping? Feel it skipping? Maybe it is gone, far away from where I can grasp it.

I grab my chest anyway, wanting to feel something. But… I can’t. No matter how much I try to grip my skin, I can’t feel any pain. I really have become numb. Is this what it feels like to be paralyzed?

I’d rather take the pain than feel nothing. Because feeling nothing would mean I’ll all out. I would be another lifeless puppet in the hands of heaven and hell. There’s probably nothing that can fill me back up now. With one last sting for my eyes as I look at the happy couple, I blindly walk out. Tears constantly fill my eyes, making my vision blurry. But do I care? No. I don’t because as long as I get away from that place, I’ll be all right. As long as I get away from the man my heart yearns for, I’ll be all right.

As long as I get away from the man who I left my whole being with, then maybe I’ll be all right…

~O~O~

[Daesung POV]

I can’t find her.

No matter how much I search the crowds, I can’t find her. She’s absolutely nowhere in the crowds. I need to see her, but I can’t even go off and find her for Jiyoung won’t leave my side. Also, these people won’t stop congratulating me. I mean won’t they see me at work next week? I was slowly getting frustrated, frustrated that I chose to propose, frustrated that I did it in front of her… frustrated that I can’t see her anywhere.

So, I have to stay here, anxiously tapping my foot. Jiyoung and I go through most of the night mingling with other people again, congratulating me every once in a while. Everything was slowly starting to get on my nerves.

“Ah, here is my lovely son-in-law.” Jiyoung’s mother pops up in front of me, smiling. She hugs me tightly. I smile and hug her back. I really can’t push Mrs. Kang away. She’s too kind hearted.

“I’ll have to get used to that.” I say, chuckling weakly. I slowly start to get confused, as she still hasn’t let me go yet. She pats my back soothingly.

“Daesung,” She whispers in my ears.

“Y-yes?” I stutter.

“I saw Mi Sun walk out right after you proposed… She was in tears.” She whispers hastily. My eyes widen at the information, my heart already beating wildly once again. Before I could ask a question, she pulls away from me. She sets her hands on both of my shoulders. She gives me a worried look, but in an instant, she grins.

“Well, I’m sure you have other businesses to attend to. Run along.” She says. I stare at her. “Go find her.” She mouths before turning towards Jiyoung, distracting her. “Jiyoung, darling! You must be so happy!” I hear her exclaim, hugging Jiyoung.

With one last look, I run out, already heading towards my car. “Mi Sun-ah, where are you? Do you even know the area enough to run away?” I wonder out loud. Of course, nothing replies.

“I can’t lose you again. I lost you once and I left you because of it.” I continue to talk, hoping it would keep me calm. But, in the end, I fail to do so. My eyes water continuously, and I keep wiping them off. “Mi Sun-ah, I don’t want to lose you again.”

I step on the gas and drive around, heading for my house. Hopefully, she’ll be there.

~O~O~

I’m feeling so frustrated and anxious at the same time. It’s been hours and I still can’t find her anywhere. Tears are already streaking my sweaty face, and I don’t bother wiping them away. All I care about is finding her right now.

I’ve checked my house, Seunghyun hyung’s house, and I’ve called the other three. She’s nowhere to be found. I drove to my old neighborhood, her old neighborhood, and I even drove around the city. I can’t find her anywhere and I don’t think my heart can take the stinging anymore.

“Mi Sun-ah, please.” I plead out loud again after doing it so many times.

I let one hand off the wheel and clutch my chest. My heart won’t stop throbbing. It won’t stop breaking apart. I turn, thinking that this might be my last place to go. I’ve gone through the whole city, but this place… this place I haven’t even seen for two and a half years, the place where she and I used to go to. Our sanctuary, our place, our home…

With determination in my eyes, I step on the gas once more.

“I need you, Mi Sun. You can’t leave me anymore.”