“This is not it.” ,she blabbered after being silent for a little while.

He replied, “What are you saying?”

Faltering, she looked anywhere but his face to say, "I realized that love is not about grand gestures. Love was supposed to be simple, like a break from the busy world... Love was supposed to be calm." 

He didn’t know what made her say the words but he sure knew where this was headed. Even though it broke him to answer, he still managed to. He said, "We're calm." 

Tears formed in her eyes and with a shaking voice, she replied, “I'm not. I wanted to feel at peace but for some reason, I couldn't do it because of you." 

At this point, he couldn’t come up with any reasons why she felt that way. He wanted to come up with a solution as soon as possible because as far as he could see, she was having a hard time. He looked confused as he answered, "Because of me? How is it my fault? I did everything I could to make you feel that it's only you that I want. What is it that I didn’t do? What more are you asking for?" 

She shook her head and finally looked at him to ask, “Maybe it wasn’t love. Don’t you think we’re just available for each other at the same time?”

He immediately denied, “No. I’ve never thought about that.”

She looked at both of his eyes and couldn’t speak for a moment. She saw the look in his face, arousing pity in any angle. He had no clue what he did to make her come up with the idea.
She looked down next because she could only say the next words she would say when she’s looking on the ground.

“I will always have love for you, but I think we aren’t good for each other. I think It’s time for you to let me go.” ,she delivered.

He panicked, almost begging, "No. Don't say that." 
 
"Maybe holding on was only giving us both a hard time. Maybe it's better to let go." 
 
"How could you say that?" 
 
"Because I'm hurting!" ,she cried. 
 
Donghae was taken aback the moment he heard her shout almost for the first time. He stared at her eyes filled with tears and held back his own from falling. His eyebrows furrowed then finally spoke with a calm voice, "But I'm hurting too…" 
 
Dara looked at him and saw the same look in his eyes when she neglected him last time. There was the same ache in her heart that felt like it would last forever. 
Donghae knew it wasn't easy on her part and he'll never know her hardships unless he was the one being mobbed by his fans online who don't like seeing them together. He understood it was difficult but he couldn't accept the fact that she was giving up when the thought never even crossed his mind despite his hardships too.

There was an awkward silence after.

Dara didn’t talk and just cried.

After a minute of pure emptiness, he said, “I want us to last. I don’t like spending just a number of months with you. I really want us to last. That's why I constantly call you to keep the communication alive but you seem so distant.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please let’s talk about this. Maybe we could fix this. Please…” ,he finally cried.

She didn’t speak again so with his eyes and nose already colored red, he continued, gasping for breath every after sentence, “What happened? What pulled you into this decision? How could you say those things to me? What did I do wrong? Please let me know because I’m cracking my head here trying to figure things out.”

"I know we love each other and it was hard. It was really hard. Fighting for this would take such great risk. It was already difficult enough now and I know we’ll do anything just to grant us both the peace of mind we deserve. But this…. This is not giving us the peace we want." 
 
"But I’m fighting for you! I’m doing everything I can. I thought it’s what you want me to do? I really don’t know what’s happening here. What should I do then?" ,he frustratingly said.

"I don’t know!”

He looked at her face that seemed so bewildered by the thoughts going on inside her head. He sniffed, wiped his nose and calmly said, “Then we’ll figure it out together. If you would just believe in me and stay. Dara, we’re just starting.”

Dara shook her head and walked a little to turn her back on him and said, “I think I made the wrong decision.”

(Background Music: Mariage - Moon Moon || https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUNNCVf9o4A)

Due to the silence that followed after, she was shocked at what came out of so she immediately turned around to look at him and apologized.
But he was too devastated by what he heard and he couldn’t even look at her at the moment.
It only took seven words to tear his world apart.

She couldn’t physically see it but she felt his heart breaking into pieces just by looking at the expression in his face. His eyebrows more furrowed this time and his lips frowning at its lowest.
Tears automatically fell from his eyes and he immediately dried his cheeks with his hand.

He bowed down and closed his eyes as he felt his heart being shattered once again.
He wished he didn’t just hear what she said. After all he did just to be with her, the people that he troubled just to get to her, he would just be told that she made the wrong decision, as if all his sacrifices were put to waste and everything was just surprisingly forced.

It hurt him badly and his heart came into defense. He was mad.
He finally lifted his chin up and looked her straight in the eyes then said, "Just like that? All I thought you felt the same way about me. It turns out I was just pushing myself to you and you're just too kind to neglect me. Is that it? Is that what happened?" 
 
"No. I did feel something about you. I did. It’s just…I don’t think we’re working this out. Maybe we moved too fast.”

He paused as she heard her the same words he told Irene. He scoffed at the turn of events like it was meant to be his karma for hurting someone else. He mumbled, “Is this really what I deserve?”

He looked up and shouted at the sky as if talking to God, “Are you happy now?!”

Dara didn’t talk back and just watched him break down.

He cried and said, “I thought I had you, for a slight moment. I thought you and I would be different. I thought you genuinely cared about me because you’re not the one to play games. I thought we could actually be something. Maybe… maybe I thought wrong.”

“Maybe the timing wasn’t right for us. But we’re young and we have time.”

No one spoke. Just the sound of them sniffing and heavily breathing as they struggled to speak while crying.

She continued after a few seconds, “Just know that I’ll pray for you every single day and I’ll always cheer you on and hopefully, one day, we pick up where we left off.”

He nodded as if he gradually accepted it, “You will always be in my memories.” until he added, “Well… at least memories don’t change——while people do.”

She fought the urge to stay silent and just accept whatever he would say but she thought right now is not the right time to just be quiet about it. He needed to hear her side so even with a heavy heart, she spoke, “I hope you can forgive me someday.”

“I don’t know what made you unhappy with me to think that you made the wrong choice but just to tell you, happiness doesn’t come from people. You need to pull yourself together and work on your own happiness first so you don’t hurt other people.”

She felt sorry for him but more to herself when he laid his words down. She knew he had a point. His best friend, Hyukjae, already warned her about it. She just didn’t think she would reach this point of actually doing it. She said, “I’m really sorry.”

“I hope you find yourself. And if you ever feel like you’re on the wrong path, just know that I will be here. I don’t know for how long. But if you do find yourself happier with someone else who rightfully fits your needs…”

He cried more and almost couldn’t continue speaking.
Dara sobbed right after she witnessed Donghae’s current state. It was the thing she was scared of the most. She was so afraid she would hurt him but now she just did and it breaks her to see it with her own eyes.

After he cried like a child, gasping for breath, he was finally able to speak. 
 
“Then I’ll move on.”

He cried again like he knew it would be hard on his part. He knew he wouldn’t be able to move on from the hurt that fast and it would hurt like hell as he’d die a little more and more inside as days go by. But he couldn’t do something about it because that’s all he could do to pay respect to her decision.

They stood in front of each other for another minute. Neither one of them is moving as if both of them are waiting for the situation to cool down so they can end it peacefully on both sides.

When the silence got too much, Donghae faked a chuckle and said, “I don’t know what I’ll tell my members when I get home.”

“They knew?”

“Yes. All of them. I know it's supposed to be our secret but I told them. They’ll surely ask me when I get back to Seoul.”

Her guilt has gotten more into her when he mentioned that his friends knew about them because she never told anyone about them yet. He was so sure of her. He knew she was the one. Although she attempted to introduce him already, unexpected things happened which led her to unforeseen decisions.
She bowed down and avoided his eyes. This was the time when she felt like a bad guy so she suddenly lost her confidence to even face him at the given moment.

Donghae saw her bowing down so he took the opportunity to say, “I better get going. I have a schedule tomorrow. Goodbye…” and walked away.

As soon as he turned around, he cried more but didn’t let her know. He was hurt so bad that now was the only time he had the guts to finally let her go and give it up.
When he was walking away, Dara was intently watching him. 

(Background Music: Jet - Look What You’ve Done || https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV36Yp1UvJI)

She wasn’t sure what happened and what got into her to say those words to him that made them break up. All she knew and all she held onto was her truth. The truth that as powerful and as thrilling it may be, being in love doesn’t always mean you’re happy. 
It did make her sad to break up when she’s still in love with him but she needed to end it for their own good;  as a damage control for th