Lisa was moping around her house on a Sunday night.

Sundays were usually reserved for family days, but she and Chaeng always had met up after dinner just to go get some ice cream at their favorite diner. There, they would spend their time talking until one of them got sleepy.

This was already the second week that they haven't been able to meet up and Lisa was getting frustrated.

She had been playing Just Dance on her Playstation 4, but even that didn't seem to lift up her spirits.

She slumped down on her beanbag and stared at her phone, which had been Chaeng-free for a few days now.

She sighed.

She wanted so bad to message her and to ask her if she wanted to go out, but she also wanted to respect Chaeng's decision of having some time for herself.

She knew she had ed up several times already and she didn't want to add another point to her long list of mistakes.

I'm useless. She berated herself.

Trust Lisa Manoban to sabotage their relationship in ways she can only imagine.

She fiddled with her phone and started browsing through her gallery, finally stopping at a video that they had taken a few months ago. 

It was during the time that she was having a sleepover at Chaeng's house. They were both so bored that they decided to dance inside her bathroom to different songs while filming it, both of them pretending that it was some sort of music video.

She opened it and pressed play.

As she watched it, a smile began to form on her lips as she reminisced. She remembered how sore her sides had been that day after laughing so much. 

Things had really changed between the both of them in the course of a few days. She wondered if they would ever get back to normal.

She trusted Chaeng to let things be in the end.

She didn't trust herself.

A knock on her door had interrupted her train of thoughts.

She glanced at it as it began to slightly open. She then saw her mother's head pop in, wearing a concerned expression on her face.

"Lisa, aren't you heading out with Chaeyoung tonight?"

Lisa shrugged.

"No, not tonight mom."

"Last week you didn't go out too. Is something wrong? Have you two been fighting?"

"No, not really."

Her mom decided to come in and close the door behind her. She sat in front of Lisa and looked her in the eye.

"Honey, I can sense that you've not been okay for the past few days. At first I tried to ignore it, since I know you and Chaeng patch things up quickly. However, this is the longest fight that you've both been in. You know I don't usually bother you with things but this concerns me because you've been mopey and tempermental lately. Would you mind telling your mother what's bothering you?"

Lisa bit her lip. She knew she could trust her mom, she was not shy with talking to her and asking for advice. In fact, her mother had been fully supportive of her when she came out as a lesbian. There was no talk about her being the only child and her marrying a real guy. Her mother just told her she wanted her to be happy, and being truly herself was part of that.

She's really lucky to have an awesome mom. 

Right now her problem was that she didn't know how to break this information to her, she was at a loss.

"We didn't really fight. It's kinda...complicated."

Her mom eyed her.

"Complicated in what way?"

"Well, let's just say I have been a tad bit too overprotective of her?" she says sheepishly.

Her mom raised an eyebrow at her.

"Lisa..."

She tossed her arms in exasperation.

"Yes mom, I know. I am an idiot."

Her mom sighed.

Anything else I need to know?"

Lisa began thinking.

"Well...she also confessed that she liked me, and I...kinda rejected her."

Lisa's mom rolled her eyes.

Her mom. Rolling her eyes at her like some sort of teenager.

"You really are an idiot. Are you sure you're my daughter?" 

"Mom! I'm being serious here!"

"Alright, alright. Geez, my own daughter can't take a joke. So let's see. First of all, I want to know, why are you being overprotective of her?"

"Well, for starters, you know how naive she is mom. I just don't trust that other people won't take advantage of her."

"So you're basically ing anyone who tries to make a move on her?"

"Uhm..kinda?"

Her mom looked at her sternly.

"You think what you're doing is correct Lalisa? Don't you trust your best friend enough?"

"I do trust her mom, it's the other people that I don't." she says, pouting.

"Lisa, have you actually thought about what you're doing?" 

"I just want to make sure she's protected."

Lisa's mother facepalmed and sighed.

"Honey, let me ask you this. What happens to water if you try to forcefully clasp it with one or both your hands?"

Lisa was puzzled, but answered anyway.

"Of course you can't hold it, it's water so nothing would remain in your hand."

"Good. Now, what if you cup the water with both hands?"

"Some of the water will filter out, but there's a small amount that will remain."

Her mom smiled.

"Okay, now Honey, let's think of Chaeng as water. She flows by herself and has her own freedom, that's how people are, we do not want to be tied down to things we didn't agree to. Right now, you're that person trying to grasp that water with both her hands. Everytime you do it, you get frustrated, you don't understand why it's not working. At the same time, Chaeng is also avoiding what you're doing. Like water, if you continue doing this, you'll lose her, eventually. You can't grasp a person's freedom forcefully like that. Now, if you instead hold them gently with an open palm, cupping them lovingly with both your hands, even if you know they still go their own way, they will stay, because you've given them your trust. Your acceptance. You can never hold a person no matter how idealistic it may sound in your head."

Lisa was stunned to silence. Her mom was right, she could not control Chaeng's choices and decisions in life.

She was her own person.

But she was worried about one thing.

"But what if she gets hurt?"

"Then she learns. It's how we grow up and survive in this reality. You cannot protect her from that, Lisa. In fact, even if you love someone so much, there is no guarantee that you won't hurt them. I love you more than anything, but I am not blind to the fact that I may have caused you pain somewhere along the line. But what is important is how we both deal with it, and we become better people for it. Besides, if that happens, aren't you there to help her pick up the pieces?"

"Yeah."

Her mom looked at her skeptically.

"Honey, is there something you're not telling me?"

"Like what mom?"

Her mom took a deep breath and looked at her squarely in the eyes.

"How about doing the first step and admitting to me that you actually like Chaeng?"

Lisa looked at her shocked.

"N-no I don't. I like Jennie."

"And how's that going for you?"

Lisa looked down sadly. 

"She rejected me not too long ago." she mumbled.

"Really? Yet I don't hear or see you moping around about her."

"That's not true!"

"Lisa, I'm your mother, I know you inside and out. You might fool other people, but you're not fooling me. Why are you so scared to admit the truth?"

Lisa was acting like a goldfish. She couldn't get the words right out of .

Her mother held her hands gently.

"What is it that you're so scared of, Honey?"

Lisa slumped her shoulders in defeat.

"I'm scared of losing her because of me."

Her mom nodded in understanding.

"Why, what is it about you that makes you think you'll lose her if you admitted to her the truth?"

"She's...she's so amazing in so many ways. She's kind-hearted, generous to a fault, she'll make you laugh even if she didn't mean to. She has so much patience and she always sees the good in people. While me, I'm...this. A mess. I can't seem to do anything right. I'm scared that if I admitted to her the truth, someday I might be the one to hurt her enough to lose her. Nothing lasts forever, especially with relationships. Being friends...is the safest bet."

Her mom squeezed her hands gently.

"Yet despite of being "you", she confessed to you."

Lisa smiled sadly.

"I...I didn't really expect that to happen."

"But it did. You should not sell yourself so short, Lisa. There is so much good in you that you don't realize. It's what makes people drawn to you. Besides, you are only human, we are all flawed in some ways, but that doesn't mean you are a bad person. You just made the wrong choices. Also, what makes you think that Chaeng hasn't accepted you for who you are?"

"I don't really know what she sees in me."

"Believe me, she does. Love is not just about the perfect moments, or the fleeting feelings of what they call the "spark". It's when someone continues to choose you, and keeps choosing you despite your flaws. As long as it's not something that's entirely toxic to their well-being, if at the end of the day they are still there, then trust me Lisa, she gives a damn about you more than anyone else. Even if you say you're an idiot. That just means you're her idiot. You don't think I get exasperated at your father? I do! But we're still here, imperfect, but perfectly happy."

Lisa thought about what her mom said, then breathed in heavily.

"Mom, I'm really scared."

"It's okay to be scared, Honey. You can be shaking to the core, but that's love. It is about taking risks, it's a gamble. If all your life you're going to let your fears dictate you, you're going to be stuck with what ifs. ing every person who tries to win her over isn't going to last forever. Being jealous but not doing anything about it will only push her away further. You can't dictate her choices, and that includes her choice of loving you. So yes, you're scared, but that's alright. What's not alright is not facing them."

Lisa smiled at her mom. Trust her to drill these things into her.

"God, I'm such a hopeless case."

"You're not, baby. You're just learning, and growing up. It's okay, it does not make you less of a person, especially in Chaeyoung's eyes."

Lisa now had a determined look in her eyes.

"Mom?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you."

"Anything for my baby girl! Now, if you don't go ahead and do something about this, I am disowning you and not giving you your inheritance! Chaeyoung is such a wonderful catch, and here you are, being a sissy!"

"Mom!" she whined.

"What? I'm right! Who rejects their crushes confession? You are such an idiot Lalisa Panpriya Manoban! Maybe you're adopted, I should give you back and get a lesbian daughter with a backbone!"

"Aargh! Alright, alright, yes! I am coward!"

Her mom smirked.

"I'm glad you realize that."

They looked at each other and laughed heartily.

Finally they both stopped, and Lisa looked at her mother and grinned.

"Yes mom, I'll definitely go get her. But first, I need to do something."

"And what is that my dear?"

"I need to fix myself first. I can't keep grasping the water with my hands, I need to learn how to cup it, because that's what you do with the people you love."

Her mom smiled at her lovingly.

"That's my girl."