It's been 3 months already since San found out the truth and everyday she lives in fear of losing Seungwoo but she tried not to show it to him. But of course he knew, "You should always be prepared, should always be ready, not just me but to face anyone's death. That's how life is." he often reminded, because anything can happen without notice.

One night, Wooseok asked San to meet him at a park near the hospital because he knew well that she wouldn't want to go far from it. "San, I'm going to go abroad." he said. "Hah? Why so sudden?" San was surprised by the sudden announcement made by her best friend. "I've been thinking it for a while actually, you do know I like you right, I assumed Joy must have told you, so I need peace for my mind." he looked at her and it was so obvious San was feeling so guilty. "Don't make face like that, I'm not asking for your pity or something; I'm not that type of guy." he smiled while San's hair like he usually did. "Sanha, do you know what do you do if you like someone who you can't scream I love you to?" he looked at her in the eyes and said "You give up. That's why I'm doing now. Yes I'm finally giving up after so many years and it's my time to explore my kind of life. Hehe." he stood up and opened his arms. "Now would you mind giving a broken-hearted oppa a hug?" San hugged him so tightly and keep on apologizing. "Hahaha there there our crybaby. But, just so you know a man of my calibre, won't ever appear before you again. Not everyone can be a prince you know." he laughed and the girl's hair again.

Another month passed just like that and the hospital had been San's first home. San drew the curtain, cherry blossoms are blooming in front of the window; Seungwoo was still sleeping soundly. "Living is such a sad thing. But I don't regret it, meeting you, falling in love with you is the best thing ever happened to me. I'm sure even if we meet again in another life, even if I know I'll go through such sad memories again, I would still once again fall in love with you. You're my sweetheart, falling in love with you brought me happiness." she carved a smile looking at him, she felt forgiven and saved, like snow melted waiting for spring, her tears started falling.

San held Seungwoo's hand so dearly; he woke up. "Morning, you finally awake." she said. "Ouh you are here again, thank you for coming even when you barely knew me." she replied with a smile. This thing happened frequently where Seungwoo will forget San again and again and will later regain memories of her; it's like a cycle. But she just had to play along with it every single time it happened. "But Sanha-shi, the warmth of your touch, the warmth of your words, it's very familiar though. It's like I'm used to it, maybe we are husband and wife in our past life hahaha." the guy said while scratching behind his neck; his old habit. "Hahahaha I guess we were." San replied again with a smile on her face as she thinks it's nothing compared to what he's suffering, she could pretend that she's strong even though she's hurting like hell if it's for Seungwoo. That's what love does, it turned people into fools.

That afternoon Jungmo walked Seungwoo through the park because Seungwoo wanted to see the cherry blossoms, San insisted to walk him but the older guy personally asked for Jungmo. "San-chi, can you let oppa spend some time with Mogu too." he said then what else can San do.

"Kid, I already told you once that you can be selfish right? But maybe it's just not you, you're just really considerate. I want to thank you for everything, for always sacrificing for me, for always being there with me through thick and thin. Even since when we were kids you have the ability to appreciate what you have in the moment instead of always asking for more eventhough you are way younger than me. You're really the best thing God had given me and I'm sorry I have to trouble you again later on, please take care of her well and again I'm sorry I took her from you, now it's time to give her back." he smiled and give the slightly shorter guy a tight hug. "You're wrong hyung. I give out everything for you, because for me your happiness comes first. And that's me being selfish when it comes to our friendship." Jungmo whispered to himself.

A week later,  Seungwoo let out his last breath. It was in the late evening when doctors came rushing to his room, he was short of breath and guess God loved him more.

San locked herself in her room, she didn't even attend Seungwoo's funeral because it was just so sad. She didn't eat, neither drank for days, she kept on crying and crying. Jungmo was busy with the funeral and stuff so he didn't get to meet San after that dreadful day yet and Joy didn't know what more to do, she had tried everything to make San eat but she just refused each time.

"Sanha-ya, please come and eat dinner. I made your favourite, if you don't pity yourself please pity me at least." Joy begged. She kept on knocking the door but like usual no response so like before she had to open it by force; she made a second key. "SANHA!!!" San was lying unconscious on the floor, Joy rushed her to the hospital. The doctor needed to instil water inside her due to her lack of glucose. San woke up and saw Joy was seating on the sofa and Yeri was there too, glaring at her. *SLAP* Instant hotness felt on her cheek."What were you thinking eonnie? Why did you starve yourself like that? Do you really want to die like him? You are so pressed to follow him is it? Did you even think about me, about eomma and appa? Screw you eonnie!" Yeri lashed on her and left the room out of frustration. "I called her because at least one of your family members needs to know." Joy explained. "And Jungmo is here, he asked me to call him when you wake up." Last night Jungmo ran to the hospital after received a text from Joy and he had waited at the hospital since.

"Noona, you have to give in, don't act stupidly like this again. He's gone already." Jungmo was telling San to give up on Seungwoo eventhough he couldn't do it himself. "That stupid hyung, is still alive you see." he continued. "Inside our hearts." Jungmo was holding his chest as tight as he could, he was in pain too, only God knows how unbearable it was for him but he couldn't show it that much, he had to come out strong. Although it's so painful that he wanted to die too, but he couldn't, Seungwoo wouldn't want that, so Jungmo will always carry his best friend, his dearest hyung in his heart, forever and always. "You must live too, to honour his memory. Live a long happy life." he added. "And here, hyung asked me to pass to you." Jungmo handed San Seungwoo's walkman. "You go to the recording instead of the songs, he must have left you something." Jungmo left the room after San took the walkman, wanting to give her space of her own. San plugged in the earphone and did as told. There were 300++ recordings, she listened to every each of them and cried all her might. It was the recording of the very first day they met until the last day he left, he recorded every single memorable thing that happened to him with her.

In the last recording, Seungwoo said "Hello love, I guess you have reached the end of the recordings. Hey woah don't speculate that I know when I'm gonna die cause I won't know either. It's just that I record this when it was at recording #301 and I named it as Z so it would show up at the bottom of the list hehe. Clever right? So yes this an extra one for you. To my dearest, beloved Eun Sanha, my hime, my princess, my lady, my everything, don't you worry about me, I don't have any regrets, what happened throughout my not so long life, I'm very well content because I was surrounded by such wonderful people. And what's important now is the one who's living. I hope that you live a long life, that you grow up to be a successful woman, that you find happiness, I know you will. Don't be afraid to fall in love again, fall in love with someone who'll love you back more than I could ever do. I'm so sorry for every scar and pain that I've caused you, I pray everyday that your life after this is one without conflict and only filled with happiness. Saranghae, my first and last love." San held the walkman so tightly to her chest, tears were streaming non-stop, she did prepare and be ready for his death but why it still hurts so much. She would have never thought the plan to live happily ever after turn out to be a tragedy.

It's been already 100 days since Seungwoo left the world and San just got the strength to visit his grave. It was so hard for her, even this morning she was crying, in those days she couldn't even say his name because it was so sad and painful. "Are you ready?" Jungmo asked. Joy thought that it's better if he was the one who accompanied her. "Yes" San replied.

It was very silent in the car as they both didn't talk. Suddenly Jungmo stopped by a junction "I thought we're going straight there?" San asked. "We have to buy flowers first, we can't go there empty-handed Sanha noona. Do you want to tag along?" he said while getting out of the car. "I'll stay inside." Jungmo didn't want to fuss San to follow her because he, more than anyone understood what she was feeling right now.

Soon later he came back with a bouquet of flower and put it on the back seat. He got back to the driver seat and start driving. The atmosphere in the car was rather very gloomy. Jungmo didn't know how to handle this situation, it hurt him so much seeing San like that. She did recover from Seungwoo's death but still, she hadn't gone back to her old self. She rarely smiled nor talked nowadays. San was not to blame, Seungwoo was the world for her. It must be tragic to accept that he will no longer be with her.

"Jungmo-ya you don't have to worry much about me. I'm fine now but it'll take time for me to completely heal." She decided to break the silence as she knew Jungmo didn't say anything since they were in the car because he didn't want to push her, she knew he was worried. It was painted all over his face. San carved a thin smile. "Sanha noona, you may not know this, but he really loves the word 'Youth'." Jungmo was relieved that San decided to break the silence. She listened to him, waiting for him to continue, "When people asked why, he would have told us, -Everyone's youth is different but we all have one. There are so many things you have to go through, good things and painful things. I always wanted to live young, wild and freely...-" San's eyes were already teary because at that particular moment only God knew how much she missed him; her lover, her best friend, her world, her everything, her Han Seungwoo. "I miss him." she whispered in her tears. "There you go crying again noona. I'm sure he must be happy now because he really got the youth that he dreams off." added Jungmo while smiling but his eyes were saying otherwise. He was no different from San; Seungwoo was dearly missed by both of them.

"I miss him too, we all do."

They drove to the cemetery missing a person that they both cherished so much with a bouquet of lilac on the backseat. Why lilac? In the language of flowers, lilac represents love, friendship, passion, fond memories and youth.

THE END.

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// !!FINISH!! I want to thank you for giving my first piece a read. I did use some reference to lots of dramas, mangas, animes and quotes throughout the chapters. Nways, I hope you enjoyed. Thank you! PEACE OUT!

-And pls do comment anything you want to say, id love to know XOXO

- Do comment which team you are SanXSeungwoo , SanXJungmo, SanXWooseok, SanXSeungyoun ?