San's full name is Eun San Ha, some would call her Sana but she didn't like it as she said that it would be the same as Twice Sana and people would say she copied her name as San's also a ONCE. San was the kind of person who would like to own things, especially when it came to her name so of course, she preferred people to call her San, short and suited her well. She even thought that she's a princess she would go and tell everyone who was close to her to call her princess just because where she went she'll shine so bright but most of them just didn't injeong the princess part because that will probably make San went more annoying than usual. But, she knew deep down everyone around her injeong that she is a princess, a hime-sama, a gongjunim.

San hated her past because, for her, her past was a curse that forever will haunt her. No matter what she did she will be often remembered of her stupid dark past. She always said this to almost everyone "I'd do anything to change my past, I'd totally unmeet him and cherish my past-self more."

The thing about San's past was there was a boy. There will always be a boy right? It was in her teens, her high school years to be exact. She went to the same school as that boy and spent most of her time with him. She loved him so much, during those years, San would sacrifice anything for the sake of her so-called eternal love.

That boy was her first love, so her younger self believed that he was the one, cliche San of course. Everyone around San hated that boy and kept telling her that he was no good for her and he wouldn't benefit San in any way. But San was very stubborn and persistent to her choice. The ironic thing was she knew that this boy was seriously bad news but she didn't care and choose to stick with him, she wanted to be with him just because a thing called love.

The relationship went on for three years, San cried every single day, but she was neither happy nor sad, so it was empty tears, maybe a cry for help that she would choose not to receive. What to expect from a toxic relationship, to top on that San started to lose everyone who was dear to her, including her close friends and yes even her self. Even that, she won't let go of him, she chose to not leave him, though she's not happy she loved him a lot. During her teens she knew nothing about filial love, she often disregards her family just because of her longs for him. She was nothing more than an uphill for her family, she had cost so much pain for them especially her mom. Her mom would cry everyday because San had literally tarnished her mom's image, but those times San wouldn't care less about that. She was the most selfish person anyone could ever be. She was driven into a very cursed relationship that made her drained, depleted and distraught.

At this point San was empty. She needed to get back to her usual self, she cannot spend time crying everyday because of a good for nothing boy. By this time she had realized she no longer had feelings for that boy, she just kept the relationship going just because she was used to it. She finally decided to let him go after 4 long years of heartbreaks. But little did she knew, letting him go was not easy because he was a psychopath who refused to let her go.

San thought that if she ended her relationship she would gain her long lost happiness but she ended up suffering mental abused from a psychopath ex-boyfriend. She was 18 then, she already met Joy her current best of friend, her world. Joy had helped her a lot in every way she could to help San to end her tie with that awful boy. San was so scared of the world because she was afraid that the boy would appear suddenly before her eyes. She would be so afraid to go out alone, San who initially was independent can no longer trust her self. Joy who was the one who helped her, if San was scared to go somewhere, she would accompany her everywhere. San was always grateful for Joy, if it was not because of her San would have totally gone crazy.

It took that boy much less 1 year and a half to stop harassing San. Eventhough, she had blocked him in every social media and sns, he would find ways to harass her. That was how psycho he was. San was so relieved to finally get away from him. She finally could enjoy her life as a normal college student. She learned the hard way to never go to college with having a boyfriend and do listen to people around you. If every single person didn't approve of your preference especially your parents, there must be something wrong with your choice. Parents have really good eyes, they want nothing more but the best for their child. So, leave him and start a new.

San even made a poem reminiscing her old stupid self to keep her remind to never repeat the same mistake ever again. She recited the poem during her PT for her literature subjects.

Youth

If i could turn back time, 
I would change everything.
Once my mother said,
dearest darling you're a good girl now.
Then i know I've wronged my parents in every way that I can.
I've hurt them severely that I don't think I can ever forgive myself.
I wasted my family,
for a mere boy.
I believed he was everything,
he was the celestial of my life.
Little did I know, 
he was worthless,
he was never good for me.
In time i realised,
he was nothing but my undoing.
I was the onerous in my family.
Maybe I was too young,
I cared less.

She ended her poem with a "Thank you." Everyone was stunned by the beauty of the poem and how she expressed all of her feelings in the poem; she cried.

         »»——————— ✼ ———————««

// I purposely didn't insert the boy's name as I want you to imagine anyone that you want and I don't want to make any idols look bad and thank you for reading! ♡

// = WRITER'S NOTE