pianist au 

And so I'll play this piece for you, 
Hoping that my voice reach you once more, 
My farewell and my confession.

###

"Minhyun, meet Baekho. He will be your classmate from now on."

The first time we met, everything seemed so sudden. I was practicing my piano and you walked into my life, blonde and tough looking. I thought right away that we would not get along. You were the opposite of me. Plain as that. Someone who looked rowdy and unkempt yet had a sweet gentle heart while I had a sharp tongue with a tidy serious exterior.

We were not meant to get along.

"Hwang Minhyun," you would call me whenever you entered the practice room. I would often gaze at you for a few solid seconds before you decide not to say anything and turn away. It happened more than enough times until I finally responded to you.

"What," was the sharp cold response you received yet it did not seem to deter you. Instead you put on a smile and shook your head. It confused me. Your tone itself had not tell me that you had been greeting me all these while and yet that was all that you had been doing.

Greeting me.

"Hwang Minhyun."

"Hwang Minhyun."

"Hwang Minhyun."

"Kang Dongho."

"Yes?"

"Just call me Minhyun."

I remember when I had first told you that. Your cheeks had a little color to them, a blush it would have been referred to. You smiled and nodded.

Day by day, you inched closer to me until I found you sitting on my stool as I entered the practice room. I became mad and upset unreasonably at you yet you took it in and apologise over. And over again. Until I realised I had gone overboard.

"Here."

"You're giving me candy?"

"As an apology. I shouldn't have yelled at you and give you the cold shoulder for sitting in my seat."

"It's okay. I didn't know you hate it that much. I should have asked."

Day by day, you chipped at my heart. I grew fonder and fonder of your smiles, your laughter because I never thought there would be someone who would laugh at my jokes or smile at the same time as me. Despite our differences, I realised maybe our wavelengths weren't too different. We may have hit off at the wrong note but still completed a piece.

That was until that day.

Under the rain.

Where we shared our first kiss.

Two silly dreamers with uncertain futures of being the next best pianist.

We never should have done it.

But I only had you and you only had me.

Or so I thought.

I would have keep my eyes open then.

Make this feeling go away.

But I had fallen.

Deep.

Like a key when it hits a bass note.

Or our heartstrings pulled in the wrong direction at the right time.

It didn't take long for the illusion to shatter completely either.

"One of you will get to perform in the performance hall happening next weekend. So prepare your best pieces and I'll evaluate it this weekend. Good luck."

I was blinded by competition and you were blinded by love. You gave up your spot for me easily and only when I had been chosen, had I realised it. It made me infuriated. I felt betrayed.

"Why did you play that? Why didn't you play Requiem for a Dream? You practiced so hard for it. You practically nailed it."

"Because I didn't feel like it."

"Excuses! Did you do that because you thought that was my level? This is a competition, Baekho. If you're not going to take this seriously, you should leave!"

"Minhyun, I-"

"I don't want to hear your excuses and I don't want to see you anymore!"

I overreacted, I digress. I thought you were looking down on me. I should have seen the hurt in your face, felt the pain in the keys you played after but I did not because I had blocked out my own heart. I wanted to be up there while you wanted to be with me.

I was wrong.

I never should have let you go.

But I couldn't let my dreams go.

So I let you go.

And now I sit at my piano on a stage, fingers touching the keys that we once played together and enjoyed our time.

If there was a way to tell you that I am sorry and that I still love you, I hope this song reaches you. 

-HMH-

||

I love you,
I want to stay with you, 
Those were the words I was unable to tell you, 
The day you walked out the door,
And now I wish
I had, 
I wish I had.

###

"Hwang Minhyun."

I had always thought it would have been a disaster since the day we first met. You were cold and distant and I was nervous and awkward. You were pristine and well put while I was spontaneous and unorganised. I never imagined I would have been able to break into the shell that wrapped tightly around you and your piano. Every key, firm and steady whilst mine was flowy and perhaps janky at times.

"It would be nice if Minhyun could loosen up a little," our teacher had told me. He was a nice fellow and we talked a lot. He wanted you to be more relaxed and to enjoy the piano more. "Why don't you try being friends with him?"

It was his suggestion and I couldn't say no. I was intrigued by your poise nature yet I was not prepared for the venom that came with it.

"What."

The first time you replied me caught me off guard, unable to respond. So I could only shake my head and offered a smile. And so I kept it up.

Everyday, I would greet you with a smile instead.

It was slow but surely, you started to warm up too.

With a small nod.

Then the thinnest of smiles.

And gradually to, "Kang Dongho."

It made me ecstatic when you first said my name, a feeling I hadn't known that I was capable of feeling until then. You gradually became softer and I became more open too.

Days became months as we practiced together and got to know each other more. The first time you got upset at me had made me perplexed, thinking I had utterly destroyed this friendship I tried so hard to build so I tried to fix it, hoping my apologies were enough. You forgave me in the end and even gave me candy.

Thinking that was more than I could ask for for being my friend again, I invited you out for dinner. I wanted to show you how much I appreciated you as a friend and fellow pianist with the same dream. We talked for hours to no end. It almost felt as though we had known each other more than those couple measly months.

And then the rain came.

The last train home.

You were cold and I offered you my jacket. You took it with a thank you and a gentle smile. I was captivated and before I knew it.

Our lips had met.

Yours against mine.

Mine against yours.

Like the first keys to the Phantom of the Opera, my ears rang. My world changed its perspective. It sang a different tune altogether.

Two dreams became one.

I knew then and there that I wanted to be on a stage with you.

Together.

We would conquer the world.

But it was just a pipe dream.

One that slipped right through the cracks of my fingers while I wasn't looking.

"One of you will get to perform in the performance hall happening next weekend. So prepare your best pieces and I'll evaluate it this weekend. Good luck."

I was enthusiastic. This was our chance. We could prove to our teacher that we could both do it together instead but when I had asked you about it, you did not agree to it.

"No. You can play the requiem, right? You should pick that. The teacher will definitely be able to see your skills with that piece."

I was disappointed but I did not let that bring me down. I still believed that we could share a stage together and so I picked a different piece, one that would go well with the piece you chose to play.

But things did not go as planned.

I fell ill and thus my performance plummeted as well. I was incapable of showing both you and the teacher the best of me. You showed your dissatisfaction towards my choice of music and disappointment towards my performance.

It was then I realised, your dream had always been up there.

You tried to bring me with you and yet all I wanted was just to be here with you. I didn't need to be up there. I just needed you.

I was upset at myself.

I was unable to bring myself to argue back against you, unable to tell you my reason for choosing a different piece, unable to show you my best.

I failed you.

Touching the keys of a piano ached my heart as I was unable to tell you how I feel.

I wanted to stop.

I wanted to quit.

Because it didn't matter anymore without you by my side.

Just like how two quavers could only ever be two crotchets without a beam to keep them together.

I was lost without you.

-KDH-

||