//just walk away, no don't look back, 'cause if my heart breaks, it's gonna hurt so bad//

~~~~~~~

Rosé's POV
 

I was probably staring at my empty coffee cup longer than usual that I didn't notice the girl standing in front of my table.

 

"Someone's looking down."

 

Jennie took a seat across me before calling the waiter.
 

I've been here at this café for what seems like half the day and I didn't even notice the time went by.
 

I was too busy thinking about things. Like where will I be heading off to college. Or what program will I be taking.
 

It's in my nature to avoid things I'm afraid of. Take these for an example. All my friends have been planning out the next few years of their lives for the past months.
 

Jisoo and Lisa took an entrance examination at the university on the other side of the city. And yes, they both got in. Jennie on the other hand won't share her plans with us, but I know she already has some.

 

I've been too worried about letting go of the life I'm comfortable with that I couldn't accept that I'm gonna have to do it eventually, whether I like it or not.

 

And to top all these things that take up my mind, there's also Jisoo.
 

I haven't seen her for two weeks. And that is the longest time I have never been with her.

 

Ever since we became friends, not a day goes by that we don't see or even text each other. Sometimes she even brings me to her parents' house on holidays and special occasions. It has always been our thing to show up at each other's doorstep in the evening in case we were too busy to see each other the entire day.
 

But she's been MIA for two weeks now and I feel like a huge part of me is empty. It's as if there's this hole in my chest that gets bigger each day I don't see her. If I really can't see her then the least she could do is reply to my messages.

But she won't.

 

I've left countless messages on all her social media accounts, flooded her with texts, and called her mobile phone several times. I even tried calling her on their household telephone but it always went straight to the answering machine.
 

And of course I go to their house every night. But the maids were always the ones opening up the door (which is another new thing since Chu always opens the front door when it's me who's knocking) and every time I ask for her, they would tell me she doesn't want to be disturbed.

 

I've already figured out that she's avoiding me. I'm not stupid not to sense that.
 

But I have no idea what I could have possibly done to make her do this to me.

 

"Earth to Chaeng," Jennie said as she waved her hand in front of my face, which brought me back to my senses.

 

"What?"

 

"You've been staring blankly at somewhere for minutes now. I just asked if you wanted to order something," I turned to look at her and the waiter who seems to be growing impatient.

 

"Oh umm... I'll have a blueberry cheesecake and another capuccino."

 

With that, the waiter turned around, leaving me alone with Jennie who's now eyeing me suspiciously.
 

"What's up with you? Is something wrong?" she asked, worry etched on her tone.

 

"I'm fine," I lied. She raised an eyebrow at me, obviously not buying what I said. "It's Jisoo. She's avoiding me and I don't know why."

 

Her serious expression immediately softened. She looked down at the table and sighed.
 

"Jennie, if you know anything about this, please tell me."

 

"I can't, Chaeng. That's between you and Chu."

 

"But how will I know what I could have possibly done wrong if she won't talk to me?" I didn't notice my voice became a little louder, making the other people at the café look at us. "This is killing me Jendeuk. I'm not used to not hearing anything from her. I miss my best friend."

 

I don't know why but Jennie flinched after I said the words.
 

"I understand where you're coming from. But I really can't interfere between you two. If you want answers, it's best if you hear them from Chu herself."

 

I was already thinking about calling Lisa to ask her later since I'm sure she knows what Jennie knows and it would be easier to crack her up, when Jennie continued speaking.

 

"And don't even think about coming to Lisa for help because I already told her not to tell you anything."

 

"Even if I buy her a new customized Leo phone case?" I smirked at her.

 

"Yup. I told her I'm not talking to her for an entire month if she tells you anything."

 

Okay, now I'm sure Lisa's not going to tell me anything either.
 

I pretended to cough, "Controlling girlfriend," which earned me a slap on the arm from her.
 

"I am not," then she crossed her arms and squinted her eyes at me. "Okay maybe a little."

 

Our orders arrived and we ate in silence until she decided to break the ice.
 

"Fine, I could give you one clue. Just one."

 

My face lit up, "Really? Thanks Jendeuk!" I almost hugged her if it wasn't for the table between us.

 

She took a deep breath before continuing, "She's jealous."

 

What?
 

"Jealous of what?"


 

"I said I'll only give you one clue," she said as she pretended to zip . "I told you, if you want answers, it's best to go to her."

 

We finished eating and talked for another hour before we decided to leave.

 

I really can't take another day not knowing the answers to my questions so I'm gonna do something about it. And no one can stop me.
 

***
 

Jisoo's POV
 

"Are you gonna tell me or am I gonna need to figure this one out myself?"

 

I looked at Lisa whose eyes are fixated on the tv in front of her.

 

"As if you don't already know. I'm pretty sure Mandu already told you everything."
 

She laughed, "You're right. But it's better if I hear it from you."

 

"I don't wanna talk about it."

 

"So you called me earlier to ask where I was, went over here at my place, just to sit there and watch me play xbox?"
 

"Yes. I just really need someone's company. My thoughts are gonna eat me alive if I spend another day at my room all alone."

 

"Okay. So to make things clear, you want to be with me but you don't want to talk?" I nodded. "Okay then, if that's what you need."

 

True to her word, Lisa remained silent for the next few hours, except for the occasional cursing every time her character dies.

 

She really took what I said literally because when the pizza she ordered came, she used sign language to ask me to come eat.

 

I playfully flicked her ear, "I didn't say you can't entirely speak about anything, ."

 

"Oh thank heavens," she said, pretending to look relieved before laughing. "Can I ask stuff now?"

 

"Fine," I replied as I took a bite from the pizza. It looked like she was choosing her words carefully since it took her a while before responding.

 

"What's going on between you two?"

 

"With who?" I asked her even though I know full well who she's pertaining to.

 

"Chu, I don't think you're gonna like it if I say her name. Studies show that hearing someone's name can greatly affect a person's mood, may it be good or bad. Especially in your case, since you're avoiding her."

 

I gaped at her, "Woah, have you been reading lately?"

 

"Yes. I came across this site about psychological studies and I've been very interested in it since the--HEY YOU'RE CHANGING THE TOPIC," she pointed at me accusingly.

 

"I'm not trying to do anything," then I pulled off an innocent face.

 

She squinted her eyes at me, "Don't even try fooling me. Come on, answer my question."

 

"What was it again?"

 

"What's going on between you and Chae--umm... she-who-must-not-be-named?"

 

I laughed at her Voldemort reference.
 

"I am currently staying away from her."
 

"Why?"

 

"Reasons."
 

"Which are?"

 

"Stuff."

 

She glared at me, "I am trying to help here. The least you can do is to tell me what's going on."

 

I sighed, finally deciding to open up. "She's with someone now. And from the moment she told me, I can't bear to look at her without wanting to bawl my eyes out."

 

"So when are you planning to talk to her?"

 

"Soon. When I can finally look her in the eyes without feeling anything."

 

"That's gonna take a loooooong time," she said as she took another pizza.

 

I hit her arm, "Hey, I can move on from her."

 

"I'm not saying you can't, I'm saying it's gonna take a long time. And you don't know if she still wants to be your friend by the time that happens. Especially with what you're doing to her right now."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"What I mean is, yes I know you're hurting and every time you see her the pain intensifies, but you're being kind of unfair."

 

I was about to protest when she put her index finger in front of my mouth, shutting me up.

 

"Don't even try telling me otherwise because you really are, Chu. Imagine if you were on her place. You're ecstatic to tell your best friend something that makes you happy then she avoids you because of that. And to top that, you don't even know why because she won't talk to you. Am I making any sense here? All I'm saying here is she deserves an explanation."

 

Her words were the hardest pill I have ever had to swallow. The unpleasant feeling I have in my chest is mostly because I know Lisa's right, I am being  unfair.
 

"So you're saying I should tell her how I really feel about her?"
 

"Exactly."

 

"And what if that ruins our friendship?"

 

"What you're doing right now could also ruin your friendship. But the difference is, if you tell her the truth, you won't have any regrets no matter how things turn out in the end."
 

We both fell silent for a long time after she said those words. I needed time to sink everything in.
 

Jennie was right for telling me to ask advice from Lisa. At first I didn't believe her but wow, things made a lot of sense now.

 

We just played xbox after that and didn't talk about the topic further.
 

It was about 7pm when I decided to go home. We just sat in the couch all day playing but I feel worn out.

 

"Did she come today?" I asked our maid when I got home. I know I'm being totally irrational but I felt sadder when she said she didn't.

 

I felt my steps getting heavier and heavier as I went up the stairs.
 

Has she grown tired and decided to just let me be? Is she gonna avoid me too from now on?
 

I can feel tears forming in my eyes and I tried my best to not let them fall. Not until I reach my room where I could cry my eyes out the entire night.

 

I opened the door to my room and was surprised to see the person I least expect sitting on the couch, napping.

 

I shut the door behind me a bit louder on purpose, which woke her up.
 

"Oh hey, you're home," she said as she rubbed her eyes.

 

"How did you get here?"

 

"I climbed the tree and the door to the balcony was open. I told you to lock that at all times. What if someone breaks in?"

 

"What are you doing here?" I said, completely ignoring her.


 

"We need to talk."

 

I walked past her towards my closet to change but she held my arm and turned me around.
 

I pulled my arm away and took a few steps back before answering her, "I'm tired. Just come back on another day."
 

"No. I am not leaving until you tell me what's going on with you."

 

"Nothing's going on. So please leave."

 

She sat again on the couch and crossed her legs, "I could do this all night, Chu. If you really want me to leave, you have to tell me what's the problem first."
 

I am trying my best to not throw my lamp at her for being so stubborn.

 

"Fine, stay if you want. I'll leave," I said as I started walking towards the door.
 

But she instantly got up and ran in front of the door to block my way.
 

"Move," I said as I shot her a deadly glare. She just crossed her arms and shook her head.

 

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what the is going on."

 

Her blatant use of words caught me off guard. I'm not used to hearing her curse at anything, especially to me.

 

"Why have you been locking yourself here?"


 

"I just don't want to talk to anyone," I said, hoping she would drop it already. Tears were starting to form in my eyes once more.
 

"Even me?"

 

"Especially you!"


 

She looked at me, evidently hurt, which made my heart ache. For a brief moment, I felt like a terrible person for having to put her through this.

 

But there's no turning back. Lisa's right. It's now or never.

 

"W-what? "


 

"That's right, Chaeng. I've been avoiding you because I don't know how to look you in the eye after finding out that you're in love with somebody else."

 

"Why? If you're worried that it won't be the same for us, then don't be. You're my best friend, nothing's gonna change that."

 

I didn't even bother forcing my tears back. I'm in too much pain to care about anything else.

 

"You still don't get it, do you?" I chuckled. "I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time now."

 

She just stared at me wide-eyed with agape.
 

"Didn't expect that did you? I've been in love with you for way too long that I let myself think that you might actually feel the same way for me," I laughed bitterly.
 

I waited for her to say something, still hoping maybe she does feel something for me.

 

I wiped my tears with the back of my palm, but it was no use since it kept coming down.




 

"It wasn't fair for you to push me away just because you can't tell me how you feel."

 

"And what do you know about being fair?" By now I was filled with rage and remorse was nowhere to be found. "I have been your best friend for years, Chaeng. You would lean on me every time the world turns its back on you. I would wipe your tears every time you cry only for you to find someone else the moment they're all dried up."
 

I was sobbing so hard the words seemed to be incoherent. But I didn't care.

 

"And I know I sound selfish and I hate myself for saying this but I wish you could see me as someone you want to be with and not just an emotional dumpsite."

 

She was silent for a long time, unable to find the words to say. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing to you," she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.

 

I forced a smile, "Don't be. You did nothing wrong. I broke my own heart into thinking that someone like me could ever resemble a person you want."

 

The room fell silent for a moment. We both sat at both ends of the bed, consumed by our thoughts.

 

When I couldn't take it anymore, I stood up.

 

"I'm tired, Chaeng. If you got nothing to say, please leave."

 

She stood up, walked towards me, and opened but no words came out. It stayed like that for a few moments before she decided to just leave.

 

And that was it. Just like that, she walked out of my life.